Girlfriend "cheats" on me in our engagement party
- Thread starter Vegetarian
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I think this is the correct explanation.
You need to go see her and have a deep heart to heart about why she did it.
I dont think she was "thinking" come that point, she was too plastered.
She's a woman, therefore by default; a few pork-pies short of a picnic.
The drink just happened to excerbate an otherwise normal impulse she had for narcisstic gratification. Basically, she wanted you to get mad as in her mind this shows her -- regardless of the fact you're engaged or that you tell her on a daily basis -- that you do care. She wanted you to pander to her. She's stuck in a fairy tale.
If you were that serious about getting married, then this rather trivial incident shouldn't really phase you. Take a week or two apart and then see how you feel about it. I guarantee that you'll probably remember why it is you got engaged in the first place.
If not, just pop her in the jaw. She'll know for next time.
The drink just happened to excerbate an otherwise normal impulse she had for narcisstic gratification. Basically, she wanted you to get mad as in her mind this shows her -- regardless of the fact you're engaged or that you tell her on a daily basis -- that you do care. She wanted you to pander to her. She's stuck in a fairy tale.
If you were that serious about getting married, then this rather trivial incident shouldn't really phase you. Take a week or two apart and then see how you feel about it. I guarantee that you'll probably remember why it is you got engaged in the first place.
If not, just pop her in the jaw. She'll know for next time.
People make mistakes, clearly this is applicable here. Forgive her and move on to helping her get over what could well be a underlying problem that may escalate. Might be an idea to delay the whole engagement thing though as this has clearly phased you.
Soldato
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I had a girlfriend who was really unpredictable when drunk. When sober, she was loving, friendly, funny, caring....you name it, she was the perfect girlfriend (apart from being vegan).
After her first "moment" (which involved trying to make me jealous!), she packed in drinking ....which lasted six months. At the end of it all, she smacked me through the face with a bottle for absolutely no reason whatsoever - I even had to call the police to remove her from my flat - that was despite having a six stone weight advantage! Yep, completely off it and totally uncontrollable.
However, despite my experiences, I'm not going to tell you to dump her. That's for you to decide - whether you think she can be trusted or not, whether you want to even try and trust her or not.
However, nothing you've said made me think at any time that she was going to sleep with anyone....just try and get a reaction out of you. The benefit and purpose for that are beyond me.....but I've done some stupid stuff when drunk which I couldn't explain when I woke up the next day, so I kind of empathise with your partner.
After her first "moment" (which involved trying to make me jealous!), she packed in drinking ....which lasted six months. At the end of it all, she smacked me through the face with a bottle for absolutely no reason whatsoever - I even had to call the police to remove her from my flat - that was despite having a six stone weight advantage! Yep, completely off it and totally uncontrollable.
However, despite my experiences, I'm not going to tell you to dump her. That's for you to decide - whether you think she can be trusted or not, whether you want to even try and trust her or not.
However, nothing you've said made me think at any time that she was going to sleep with anyone....just try and get a reaction out of you. The benefit and purpose for that are beyond me.....but I've done some stupid stuff when drunk which I couldn't explain when I woke up the next day, so I kind of empathise with your partner.
Theres a time and a place for taking the **** come on now.
nevermind
What about when it happens in a year or two after you're married? What happens when you're not there and she wakes up with the man who is rubbing his **** on her all night and she 'can't remember a thing'.
At the end of the day she doesn't seem like a girl who I'd be proud to marry, she sounds like a bit of a disrespectful skank, especially to do it in front of company.
EDIT - All this talk of proving you want her etc is garbage, you proved that when you asked her to marry you for christ sake. She should be mature and sensible, how is getting in trouble with a drunk guy in a club, trying to pry your fiancee away from him anything but a bad idea?
At the end of the day she doesn't seem like a girl who I'd be proud to marry, she sounds like a bit of a disrespectful skank, especially to do it in front of company.
EDIT - All this talk of proving you want her etc is garbage, you proved that when you asked her to marry you for christ sake. She should be mature and sensible, how is getting in trouble with a drunk guy in a club, trying to pry your fiancee away from him anything but a bad idea?
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She keeps telling me shes so ashamed and cant understand it... and really insists there was no underlying issue... its this thats making things worse for her.
The only thing I can think of is that she had two contolling boyfriends... first would phone her up every 20 mins while up checking up on her. The was an incerdent while drunk that may have caused this - she was 17. Next boyfriend was dirty piece of work putting her down all the time telling her she was boring as she didnt take drugs and all that - the started drinking loads then to be part of the gang.... again it put her into a lot of trouble - she got drunk and kissed another man infrount of him. Then as revenge boyfriend sleeps with another girl! Messy! Thing is shes always been totally faithful dispite what she did when drunk that night.
At this point she pulls her life around starts to work really hard and gets a good mark in her degree. She stops drinking and partying ( she never enjoyed it anyway and only did it to "fit in". Shes been fantastic all the time Ive known her and very dissaplined.
Before the party she did have an issue with 3 guests - her bro and his ex and the bro's new girfriend - the girlfriend was telling her bro not to go as his ex was there so my girlfriend was worried there would be war - and had a few drinks to calm her down early on - but all was fine in the end.
The only thing I can think of is that she had two contolling boyfriends... first would phone her up every 20 mins while up checking up on her. The was an incerdent while drunk that may have caused this - she was 17. Next boyfriend was dirty piece of work putting her down all the time telling her she was boring as she didnt take drugs and all that - the started drinking loads then to be part of the gang.... again it put her into a lot of trouble - she got drunk and kissed another man infrount of him. Then as revenge boyfriend sleeps with another girl! Messy! Thing is shes always been totally faithful dispite what she did when drunk that night.
At this point she pulls her life around starts to work really hard and gets a good mark in her degree. She stops drinking and partying ( she never enjoyed it anyway and only did it to "fit in". Shes been fantastic all the time Ive known her and very dissaplined.
Before the party she did have an issue with 3 guests - her bro and his ex and the bro's new girfriend - the girlfriend was telling her bro not to go as his ex was there so my girlfriend was worried there would be war - and had a few drinks to calm her down early on - but all was fine in the end.
Ah see, you're assuming this rubbing thing was some sexual need, for someone else or something else, and in the future it could lead to an affair.
I'm thinking, it was a cry for attention, but more of a test to see if matey would stand up for her if needs be - albeit, done very badly.
She's got a perfect track record, never drinks, so the one time she gets smashed, she wants to test whether this man, who by the sounds of it could be the one (if they're getting engaged), will stand up for her in the future.
My vote, again - take her back.
Else i'll have her.
I'm thinking, it was a cry for attention, but more of a test to see if matey would stand up for her if needs be - albeit, done very badly.
She's got a perfect track record, never drinks, so the one time she gets smashed, she wants to test whether this man, who by the sounds of it could be the one (if they're getting engaged), will stand up for her in the future.
My vote, again - take her back.
Else i'll have her.
Despite what she's done, intentional or not, because of drink or because she was testing really isn't the issue at all.
Problem is, can you make a life-long commitment with this woman and move this incident aside.
Believe me when I say that this will come back to haunt you both in an argument, it's whether or not you can trust her that what she did was stupid and whether you've the balls to let it go.
If you can't, the relationship is now doomed.
Problem is, can you make a life-long commitment with this woman and move this incident aside.
Believe me when I say that this will come back to haunt you both in an argument, it's whether or not you can trust her that what she did was stupid and whether you've the balls to let it go.
If you can't, the relationship is now doomed.
That's such a strange and primitive way of thinking, I really, really disagree with your views.
