Girlfriend "cheats" on me in our engagement party

I'd hate to be in that situation.

If that happened to me I think I would find it really hard to ever trust her again, especially at other parties, etc.

I haven't had anyone cheat on me yet, but if I had a GF that ever did, she'd be right out the door. It's one of the worst things you can do to someone and I wouldn't be able to trust a girl that's cheated before.
 
No, this wasn't a good way to behave.

I have had times when I've been very stressed and upset, and while I've not cheated on a boyfriend when drunk, I have become very angry and verbally abused one or two. I've not remembered it the next day either. For this I am deeply ashamed, I don't drink like that any more, and I really feel for her.

She clearly, in her drunken state (not condoning it, it WAS bad), was trying to get you to prove you cared. She's so used to jealous men in the past that her subconscious possibly worries that your laid-back nature is actually an indicator that you don't care enough.

So, after a few hours on the sauce and the touch-paper lit by an engagement, she tested you. However you didn't take the bait - and so she tried harder to make you react. It didn't work. So she ended up on the dance floor with some bloke when I bet all she really wanted was you to take hold of her, be "alpha" and stop her in her tracks.

This isn't your fault. I don't blame you for not taking action. But also I bet she didn't really expect to get as far as she did.
 
sara said:
No, this wasn't a good way to behave.

I have had times when I've been very stressed and upset, and while I've not cheated on a boyfriend when drunk, I have become very angry and verbally abused one or two. I've not remembered it the next day either. For this I am deeply ashamed, I don't drink like that any more, and I really feel for her.

She clearly, in her drunken state (not condoning it, it WAS bad), was trying to get you to prove you cared. She's so used to jealous men in the past that her subconscious possibly worries that your laid-back nature is actually an indicator that you don't care enough.

So, after a few hours on the sauce and the touch-paper lit by an engagement, she tested you. However you didn't take the bait - and so she tried harder to make you react. It didn't work. So she ended up on the dance floor with some bloke when I bet all she really wanted was you to take hold of her, be "alpha" and stop her in her tracks.

This isn't your fault. I don't blame you for not taking action. But also I bet she didn't really expect to get as far as she did.
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sounds about right
 
PaulStat said:
No he's her other half which means looking out for one another, especially if the other person is drunk and out of control. He allowed things to get out of hand by standing by and spectating
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He shouldn't have to stop her from cheating on him...
 
sara said:
No, this wasn't a good way to behave.

I have had times when I've been very stressed and upset, and while I've not cheated on a boyfriend when drunk, I have become very angry and verbally abused one or two. I've not remembered it the next day either. For this I am deeply ashamed, I don't drink like that any more, and I really feel for her.

She clearly, in her drunken state (not condoning it, it WAS bad), was trying to get you to prove you cared. She's so used to jealous men in the past that her subconscious possibly worries that your laid-back nature is actually an indicator that you don't care enough.

So, after a few hours on the sauce and the touch-paper lit by an engagement, she tested you. However you didn't take the bait - and so she tried harder to make you react. It didn't work. So she ended up on the dance floor with some bloke when I bet all she really wanted was you to take hold of her, be "alpha" and stop her in her tracks.

This isn't your fault. I don't blame you for not taking action. But also I bet she didn't really expect to get as far as she did.
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^^ This. From a female perspective aswell
 
sara said:
No, this wasn't a good way to behave.

I have had times when I've been very stressed and upset, and while I've not cheated on a boyfriend when drunk, I have become very angry and verbally abused one or two. I've not remembered it the next day either. For this I am deeply ashamed, I don't drink like that any more, and I really feel for her.

She clearly, in her drunken state (not condoning it, it WAS bad), was trying to get you to prove you cared. She's so used to jealous men in the past that her subconscious possibly worries that your laid-back nature is actually an indicator that you don't care enough.

So, after a few hours on the sauce and the touch-paper lit by an engagement, she tested you. However you didn't take the bait - and so she tried harder to make you react. It didn't work. So she ended up on the dance floor with some bloke when I bet all she really wanted was you to take hold of her, be "alpha" and stop her in her tracks.

This isn't your fault. I don't blame you for not taking action. But also I bet she didn't really expect to get as far as she did.
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wow that was pretty insightful, the voice of reason has spoken tbh.



PS : how much do you charge per hour for counselling sessions ?
 
sara said:
No, this wasn't a good way to behave.

I have had times when I've been very stressed and upset, and while I've not cheated on a boyfriend when drunk, I have become very angry and verbally abused one or two. I've not remembered it the next day either. For this I am deeply ashamed, I don't drink like that any more, and I really feel for her.

She clearly, in her drunken state (not condoning it, it WAS bad), was trying to get you to prove you cared. She's so used to jealous men in the past that her subconscious possibly worries that your laid-back nature is actually an indicator that you don't care enough.

So, after a few hours on the sauce and the touch-paper lit by an engagement, she tested you. However you didn't take the bait - and so she tried harder to make you react. It didn't work. So she ended up on the dance floor with some bloke when I bet all she really wanted was you to take hold of her, be "alpha" and stop her in her tracks.

This isn't your fault. I don't blame you for not taking action. But also I bet she didn't really expect to get as far as she did.
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Female Logic.

Confusing men since time began! :D


Edit:

JBuk said:
he should have read the signs and took her home for a good seeing to :)
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Also this :)
 
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First of all, you'll have to wait till she's calm and composed before talking about it, but you MUST talk about it with her. If you decide to stay with her you must make it clear that her behaviour was unacceptable, and if it were to happen again there is no guarantee you would forgive her.

My only real question is were the girls that she was talking to meant to be her friends? Why didn't they stop her? They possibly could have wound her up to do this.

If she was only trying to make you jealous as a test (which probably seemed quite sensible at the time given the alcohol intake), I would most likely see this as she is scared of the commitment, and would be a point I would talk about.

Also, at some point you'll also have to talk about how it made you feel, and why you can't let this get in the way of your relationship. If she feels guilty about it from now on, it is gonna kill you relationship together. You'll need for her to understand that. If the conversation is just her agreeing with everything your saying in the "yes.. yes.. yes" (No childish-ness please guys), then she probably isn't taking it in.

How you deal with this is up to you. If you love her (truly love her.. take a while to think about that), then she is worth saving. If not, then obviously you have the issue and not her and your doing her the injustice, and probably the reason for 'the test'.

I still think it is her being scared personally, and although bladdered, didn't want a guy to snog her, so moved on. A woman/girl can do the whole grind thing in a club and think nothing of it.

One last thing. Why are you not jealous while the woman you love is grinding some other random guy?

Get to the route cause though.. getting all ****** about in talking will do nothing. You will need to make it clear that you will be completely honest, and this is the worst thing she could have done to you right now, and expect her to be completely honest with you about her reasons and what she is scared of (IF anything) etc.

Good luck
 
Women,generally these days, really are a bunch of xxxxx aren't they.

Get too close, your 'too clingy', don't pay enough attention 'I know I'll make him jealous.'

Most women cant handle the fact that they are going to have pretty dull boring lives once they leave school, and are constantly thinking that some prince will come along and sweep them off their feet and give them a millionaires lifestyle, and so a lot of them are never satisfied with what they've got and so like to keep their options open.

Really, i cant be bothered with the modern female anymore, the 'pleasure' you get from them is no longer worth the constant mind xxxx, for the other 99% of the time.

There, if you find a more bitter & twisted post on OCUK forums today you deserve a prize...:)
 
Haven't read the other replies, but from my own experience with psychology and the human mind (which is a pretty vast 13 years of experience). I’d say she was acting out her insecurities.

She feels that you don’t care, not about her, but about what she does. Jealousy is something you have to get in the balance, you can’t be too jealous but you definitely can’t project a careless attitude when it comes to someone you love.

It’s something you need to talk about with her, and perhaps get some help about. There are deep insecurities in your relationship that were only let out due to intoxication, but they need to be seen to. Breaking up with her is the easy but potentially regretful choice. She clearly didn’t mean to do what she did, but weather she knows it or not she has problems with your coldness.

You further fuelled her desire to make you jealous by not caring, and helped to progress the actions that unfolded throughout the night. The fact of the matter is that it’s neither of your faults, you both got into a situation whereby you aggravated and pushed each other to extremes that neither of you wanted to reach, to come to a conclusion. I don’t think the conclusion you came to was incorrect, it’s understandable for you to immediately be defensive and break off, but I hope that by now, with some time to think that you are seeing more clearly.

If you need to chat about it then feel free to message me, but please don’t throw your relationship in the bin if it makes you happy. She was being honest with you, albeit very indirectly.
 
If this was a test by her, then why did she try to make him go away. I will quote the OP.

Vegetarian said:
Suddenly she tells me to go away and darnce or something and I say no its ok...
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She tried to make him go away before doing this... Surely if she wanted to test him she would want him to be there and watch?

I don't think this was a test IMO.
 
asim18 said:
She was horny and wanted to have sex, you should have seized the opportunity and placed her hand on your semi-erect manhood.
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...and then asked, "Does this look brown to you?" :D


On the serious side, I'd have dropped her like a stone there and then. It would be interesting to know how old you two are, as she certainly doesn't sound of a mature enough age (or mentality) to even be considering marriage.

My wife and I both have an agreement that an action like this, even when drunk (as it's no excuse whatsoever - you do that to yourself), is an instant deal-breaker. There will be no discussion.

The fact that she TOLD you before she went and did it, that she was going to intentionally sexually gratify another man smacks of a complete lack of respect or regard for your feelings or intentions. It absolutely disgusts me.

You say that just before that she told you to go away and dance, didn't she? Well, what if you did? Ten minutes later you realise you can't see her anywhere - 20 minutes later you find her with some guy ***** deep in her face. Sounds like exactly the same situation as my ex - "I love you", "You're my soul mate" etc. etc. A bit of drink later and she's off somewhere with another bloke. Like a lead balloon, mate.

If you choose to give her another chance and stick with it, then power to you - at the end of the day it's your decision. Someone mentioned previously that you could use this against her every time you have an argument, and that's very true in a sad and hurtful way. You WILL use it, and it'll open the wounds for both of you every time. Not a good basis for a marriage.

She did the same to her last boyfriend, and now she's done it to you. She acted like a complete slapper and being drunk isn't any excuse for it. At the very least call off the engagement for now until you both sort it out, but don't be rushing into anything now. If she wanted to "test" you, she could have done it well before your engagement party. It's just disrespectful and disgusting behaviour.
 
Scougar said:
My only real question is were the girls that she was talking to meant to be her friends? Why didn't they stop her? They possibly could have wound her up to do this.
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Yes this sticks out too. Were they drunk as well, and had she convinced them that maybe you didn't care, and so they suggested she test you? Who knows.

None of my lot are like this, but I have known of many girls (mostly in teenage years) who would pull people purposefully within eyesight of ex's or boyfriends they've had an argument with, purely to "make them jealous". So it's not an unheard-of behaviour.
 
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