Dust busters, Bunny boilers and super gay poofs!

[LordSplodge]

Never go down on a Female cyclist.

My wife is both a female and a cyclist. I dive like a Junkers Ju 87 during WWII

I'm amazed you got off with a look

She had recently compared me to a very ugly monkey so I owed her one otherwise she'd have lamped me one.

 

[LordSplodge]

Don't slip and punch your partner in the face during the same session.

Or knee her in the face switching positions. Done than.

 

[Gilly]

Don't dribble (from your mouth) on your partners face whilst in the missionary position.

Why?

When your gf/wife is naked - never look at her breasts and say "bitty?"

Why?

Or knee her in the face switching positions. Done than.

Why?

 

[Cosimo]

Why?

Why?

Why?

Isn’t that what the captain of the Titanic said when going down.

 

[4T5]

Male.
Never say Your X had a smaller *****.

Female.
Never say Your X had a Bigger *****

 

[LordSplodge]

Why?

Because I'm clumsy, alright!

 

[Oxide™]

My fave:

After the missus has done and hung the washing, cooked food, swept up and cleaned dishes I will say

'Do some work'

while chilling on the sofa or playing computer games

It works well, we have been married 5 years and going strong

 

[Fiocca]

Never fall asleep after a bottle of vodka mid sex.

My mate actually did this. His poor girlfriend was trapped under him all night lol!

 

[Gilly]

Because I'm clumsy, alright!

I've done it too, I asked why not

 

[Le_Petit_Lapin]

My mate actually did this. His poor girlfriend was trapped under him all night lol!

Why? Is she quadriplegic or something?

 

[Cosimo]

Why? Is she quadriplegic or something?

No, she was trying to finish the vodka

 

[FRS2462]

Thanks for the information. I am sure I will rest easy tonight with this knowledge to take me forward in life.

 

[toosepin]

Don't dribble (from your mouth) on your partners face whilst in the missionary position.
Don't slip and punch your partner in the face during the same session.

Or knee her in the face switching positions.

Haha, best in thread. Such regular occurrences

 

[Fantom]

From a thread I saw on another forum, never assume the cord on " beads" should be treated like the starter on a chainsaw

and before you ask, no im not that way inclined and the forum was 106owners

 

[BenhB]

Whilst looking at Spareroom.co.uk. Don't say to your soon to be ex wife. "If I had known these places only cost this much. I would have moved out ages ago."

Doh!!

 

[dangerstat]

Don't say "Wow I can tell she's your sister" when you're introduced to her aunt.

 

[Tefal]

Don't say "Wow I can tell she's your sister" when you're introduced to her aunt.

depends whos good books you want to get in

 

[Greenlizard0]

When your gf/wife is naked - never look at her breasts and say "bitty?"

Hahahahahahah!!

Never fall asleep after a bottle of vodka mid sex.

Done that, got the postcard and the nasty phone bill for using your mobile abroad..

 

[Flying Gribble]

When your wife is lying on the bed complaining that she looks like a beached whale, don't say "Of course you don't, more like an elephant walrus"

 

[V4NT0M]

The list goes on... I should actually never speak to women, I'm a one man offending machine.