A little shocked

DampCat said:
Goodness. Don't people just talk to each other anymore? It's pretty obvious she's up to something. Chances are, that something isn't a big deal. Maybe she just flirts with people to make her feel good about herself. You might say it's because you don't show her enough attention, or maybe it's just something she enjoys.

You need to talk to her, whilst she's being honest. Trying to catch her out then saying "look what i found when you didn't know you were being watched" isn't the way to do it, in my opinion.


Oh and for the record, i'm not dating any of you lot now i know you're so quick to log my keys!
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I'm not sure if you've been in a relationship like this or have been reading the thread, or are even wise enough to say but;
Some people are unable to sit down and "talk about it". I'm suprised that you're suprised that not all people are able to.

Just to clear things up, I wasn't married nor do I have kids but this smells similar to what I once had.

There was no blaming her for anything. Whatever she clearly did wrong would be met with "the past". You couldn't have a "grown up" conversation.
I had the same thing where she'd be on sites acting all dodgy, when confronting she'd delete all public profiles that I wasn't a part of.
Sure, it's her world but being paranoid to delete them?

Key Logging, nothing wrong with it when you need to know now rather than spend months in aguish never knowing, there's no ethical boundaries you're breaking if she already is. I found out loads, emails to other guys(flirting), masses of lies she'd spread to everyone she knew about me.

Once, she confronted me about another female I've known online for about 10 years now, basically she said "me or her". I laughed and played it off and first but she was serious, she'd cry, she'd throw fits, threatened to leave me and all along she'd be talking and flirting to a few guys online.




Short story?
She's classified as a nutcase now, she's on meds and all sorts so...there was no way "talking" was going to fix it.

It gave me ammunition to get her to back down and stop bringing stuff up in the past (which was also stupid) and listen. Chances are she'll use the fact you snooped around against you forgetting the fact whatever she's doing is wrong.


To the OP:
In the end it doesn't look like you can win, either way it's going to cause heartache for both of you.

You can leave it and you'll eat yourself up inside.
You can confront it and just argue till the end of time.
You can try find out exactly if there's anything to worry about.

Keyloggers are the new private detectives. If you find nothing, bury it for all time and know she's honest, or find out what a lying ***** she is.


How do I deal with the moral of using them? Easy.. If someone wanted to check on me with keyloggers go ahead, if I was cheating i'd DESERVE IT. I've only used it once, with that girl because it got stupid.
 
ChrisJSY said:
Politely Snipped
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I am in a long term relationship, and it's been a lot of hard work. It grew from a web of lies, we both had partners at the time, and it took use almost 2 years to sort it out and get together. You could say then, that we are cheats.. and once a cheat, always a cheat and that going forward we can assume that one or both of us will cheat again. Happily, this isn't the case, and I can't imagine ever wanting to be with someone else. We've had a very rocky road, and it took a lot of talking and honesty to get it right.

I appreciate your story and the difficulties you faced, but your partner was as you pointed out, quite clearly mentally unstable. This makes it a pretty unique case. I'm not going to judge you for the way you handled the situation as i've never been in it, and everyone deals with things in a different way... i was merely surprised by the sheer number of people who jumped in with Key Logger.
 
DampCat said:
Snippety Snipped
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Understood, just wanted to let you know that... this could also be the case here and that sometimes, there's a lack of choices you can take to sort the relationship.

It's never easy I know.

My ex cheated with someone to be with me...like you said, once a cheat, always a cheat, but it's gotta stop somewhere :)
 
Mik3 said:
So where not programed to spread our genes? I think you will find just like ever other species on the planet we are.
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Poor excuse for a reason to possibly have an affair.

Spread our genes yes, she has the prefect opportunity to do so with her husband.
 
she's a woman. *shrugs*

thats all thats needed to be said to any question of acts of craziness, deceit or bewilderment.

heres an idea keep a bar of chocolate in your pocket for any time she starts acting emotionally weird or nuts... :)
 
RumbleBee said:
In her words 'You're snooping has caused all this', sure knows how to lay the guilt trip on. I wasnt snooping. I got an email about somone else's update, which took me to the site. Dont even use the site.
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you let her talk to you like that ???
BE A MAN
 
the best thing to do is when she's out somewhere log onto her machine and set up her MSN to log chat conversations, this is the best way to actually catch her out.

But be prepared when/if you should find anything... if you do just say someone she's been speaking to sent it to me...

Man women can be so nasty its untrue...

Log the chats, definately something suspicious.

Feel sorry for you RB
 
To be honest... I think if any woman ever cheated on me, I would not have a problem with finding out in that way, and then just leaving and completely detach myself from the ****! It's not like they love you if they do that to you... so why should I care?
 
Personally, if I ever felt the need to use a keylogger, I'd simply end the relationship. If you're reduced to spying on your partner you have lost the trust which is the backbone of any relationship. At that point you don't have much worth saving.
 
Having given it a bit of thought I'd say the keylogger, with a couple of warnings.

A) You find out she's innocent. Can you keep it a secret that you used a keylogger?

B) You confirm your suspicions. Did you really want it confirmed, would you be happier sort of knowing it was true, but pretending to yourself it wasn't? E.g. for the sake of the kids would you stick together regardless?

But it sounds as if there's big problems ahead.
 
Burnsy2023 said:
Personally, if I ever felt the need to use a keylogger, I'd simply end the relationship. If you're reduced to spying on your partner you have lost the trust which is the backbone of any relationship. At that point you don't have much worth saving.
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Exactly. If she refuses to talk to you about it and keeps on turning the tables on you when you try to ask her about it, I think it shows that she has something to hide. I know some people have said it is probably just a bit of innocent flirting with an old flame etc, but if that were the case why, when confronted by the OP, would she refuse to talk about it and just try to discredit him instead? If I were him I would be starting to get a bit suspicious that maybe she has seen 'the one that got away' on Friends Reunited and is starting to wonder what she has missed. Maybe it won't ever come to anything and is indeed just a bit of flirting, but at the very least her attitude stinks for not being honest with you.
 
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