The biggest decision I'll ever make! I need advice.

platypus said:
If she wants it, you don't get to decide I'm afraid.
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yes, he does have a choice even if she does want it, afterall its his as well. im sure she cant just have it and then somewhere down the line if they split up she ends up asking for him to pay for the childs living cost etc till it turns 18.

whether or not, you two need to sit down talk properly, maybe bring your families into it and disscuss this matter.
 
Having kids is great and is a blessing but its hard work too and though you maybe a little young for kids, you will get the time back when the child is older so its swings and roundabouts really. As for the money, you should be able to cope ok on that salary. When I had my little lad my attitude changed and I realised that I have people dependant on me so I got a promotion at work for the extra money etc. It really does change your mindset when you have kids. You have 2 options imo you can accept the situation ( hard as it may be) and really try to make a life with your missus and child and be very happy judging by what you have said about how much you love her. Or you could leave her and your unborn child, maybe not have much access to him/her when its born and get raped by the CSA for 16 years which will be far worse imo.
 
Whatever you do don't put her in the position of having to choose between you and the baby. Being men there's no way we can understand the inredible difficulty and effect of having to make this decision. Yes it's scarey as hell, but if you care about her then you need to be there for her, support her and let her make the decision without pressure from you. At the end of the day it's her body and she's the one who has to suffer the physical and emotional turmoil either way. In many ways you're lucky, you're a good age and both sets of parents are going to support you.
 
Big responsibility here, I don't know if many people ever do feel "ready" for kids. I know I don't just yet and I am your age.

Basically the advice here is all spot on pretty much. Can't do the time, don't do the crime and man up being the two best I've seen :)

You need to talk with your girl seriously. Do you want to have a baby on your terms or the ones forced upon you by this twist of fate? Personally I wouldn't want to have a baby if I wasn't in a steady job, with my OWN (not families) roof over my head and felt capable of looking after myself and my partner to start with...

Think long and hard (and get your partner too also). Ask yourselfs if you think at this time you can honestly bring a child into the world and look after it to the best of your ability? The last thing this country/world needs is more kids who haven't been given a decent chance at life and turn into ****s.

Finally, remember other options available to you. Your girl might say "she wants it" just because she see's no other way and is not going down the abortion road. Many good people are dying for a chance to become a parent and adoption is another possibility.

Man up mate and good luck! Make a decision based on what is best for the new baby, not yourself, your mrs or your respective families.


Edit:- Also, is the withdrawal method so old school now no one even bothers to think about using it ontop of anything else? I mean c'mon people :D
 
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Sounds like you're going to be a Father whether you like it or not.

You either stay with her and make it work, or you break up. But either way, you'll still get the financial and emotional implications.

I say give it a go. As said above, you might not get another chance. :)
 
tbs said:
read this http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090102162340AAyTs2z

they both have a say, but when its accidental i think theres a lot more then just the woman having the rights. he has a say if its not planned, unless it was which it isnt.
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Both have a say once the baby is born to some extent yes. Not in it's decision of whether it is born or not. That falls to the mother and always should. Abortion is a major do to a woman both physically and mentally and no matter how many of us men might think, "Bah but what about our rights." None of us have the right to demand abortion of a child from the mother.
 
im sure she cant just have it and then somewhere down the line if they split up she ends up asking for him to pay for the childs living cost etc till it turns 18.
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Where do you live? Iran? Because that's exactly what happens in the UK - a civilised country.

Back on topic:-

To echo most other posters comments - men are never ready to have kids but I think you should embrace what's happened. I never wanted kids but my wife did so I thought why the hell not and now I wouldn't change a a thing - I have two ace little boys (even got the 2yr old doing spanner work on the car for me ;-).

Becmoing a father is great - I was initiated into my Dads Masonic lodge last night and it was one of the greates experince of my life - he said it must have been 10 times that for him and he could hardly speak all night due to be so choked up - the look of pride on his face was humbling. i look forward to experience like that with my sons in the future. Why are we on this earth if not to create our own legacy through out children?

Plus £34k is plenty to bring up kids with - you'll just have to sacrifice a few things but it's totally worth it imo.

Shame you weren't actually trying for a kid tho' as "trying to get pregnant" sex is totally awesome :-)
 
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Your thinking about money?

Money for raising a kid is nothing... Look at single mums.. they get everything for them..

Money for raising a kid isn't a worrie.

Your trying to find excuses for it as your scared. Just face up to your problem.

2 mates of mine had kids at 16/17...

Ones still wiht his misses and they are really really happy, The other tried to be together and they couldn't handle it, he sees his son a lot and says he wouldn't change having a son for anything.

End of day its the ladys say that goes on this... Just stick by her, and if the relationship doesn't work, so be it. but becomming a dad will change you.
 
To add to what I said earlier - you're never "ready" for kids...no matter how much people prepare, they're never 100% ready...kids are an unknown variable. I had mine at 25, and now I'm 28. At first, children are hard for men, because we don't have the "natural bond" with them that their mothers have. But I promise you this, and if I'm wrong, then you can rub my face in it, but the first time he/she calls you "daddy" or when she first puts a sentence together, if you don't at least almost cry, I will eat my hat.

I really hope for the best for you mate, either way. To me there's no decision to be made, but I can't judge you on my own standards for myself. Please keep us updated on how this goes, as I know it'll be tough for you.
 
-BA- said:
Granted my statement was a little flippant but essentially correct.
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I assume by "winning" the lottery you meant the jackpot, which is something like 14,000,000 to 1 on it's own, never mind your accumulator statement.

tbs said:
they both have a say, but when its accidental i think theres a lot more then just the woman having the rights. he has a say if its not planned, unless it was which it isnt.
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There are no rights, I don't believe there is any legal way to force someone of consenting age to have an abortion*.

*assuming healthy child and mother
 
you did take part man so now deal with it and be the best loving dad and later good husband or leave and have no part in the baby's life and it'll hate you for about forever'ish
 
Easy G - dude, like waso_dude said.. The money is not an issue at all.

You will both have plenty of time to put money away now before the baby is due.

My missus is on maternity leave at the moment - therefore very little money coming in from her side of things.
I only earn 20k and between us we have been able to buy everything we need for the baby, and haven't had to scrimp or get cheap anything !
We easily manage to pay rent, bills, keep a car running, eat well, go out and buy most things we want.
Like you, initially I thought financially it would be a disaster but it really isn't.

Whatever you both decide has to be a joint decision for it to work out either way. It's none of anybodies business if you decide to keep the child or not so long as your both comfortable with the decision.
 
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