My X is asking me to give up my daughters last name

jolie77

jolie77

jolie77

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My X who I get on with most of the time has been asking me to give up my daughters last name since we split up all most a year a go. I have all ways said no as its something that is so special to me and is a connection that makes me feel even closer to her.

I received a email today from her which you read below - sorry for the length!

"just put jolie to bed and we had a nice tea i made chicken chow mein and jolie really loved it,i love watching her eat as she really loves my cooking

also i need to give your address to my solicitor as im applying to the courts to change jolies name back to mclaren,i have to do it this way as to get a deed poll i would need your permission,so i didn't see the point in asking you again as i knew what the answer would be.

not doing it for any other reason but knowing that sometime in the future i will have other children and want all my kids to have the same name also the only reason i gave her your surname was because i believed that one day we would have been married and we would all have had the same name,but obviously it didn't turn out as planned.

but one thing i would guarantee you is that i would never give jolie another mans surname!!! Also i thought i may aswell do it now as i have just been applying for her passport and dont want to pay again to have it altered.i would have been happy to keep her name campbell and add mine to it so she has both our last names.

i understand that like you said once in a message on hear it makes you feel special knowing she has your name but im her parent 2 and bringing her up as best i can so i would like to be included in it.

Also just want to say that i dont want this to effect anything in regards to up being really good friends still as its something we have always disagreed on and thats why theres no point arguing about it,if we do it this way then its in the courts hands,i didnt want for you to just get a letter and be confused as to why i had not said anything so im just keeping you informed.

its probably better via email as least theres no arguing.dont want to upset you jay really am past all the bad **** but this is something thats really important to me ,and i didnt want to do it and lie and say i had your consent when i never.cant stress enough that im not trying to cause trouble at all and all though i dont expect you 2 agree with it,i hope you understand that if we cant agree then i have no option and its always at the back of my mind.

and like i said in the past if they allow it then it will always stay the same on her birth certificate as your name,i understand your point and i hope you understand mine.but again please dont fall out over it as you knew i was gonna do it when you said no last time.sorry but still want to be best mates and parents,hope this comes across in the write way as like you have said before its hard to say things how ya mean them over email . X x x your always gonna be her dad and will only be applying to add me on,im not asking for them to take you off as im not that spitefull x xx "



Any freindly advice here on how to go about this ?
 
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have both your name's included in her name.

sound's like a reasonable request as she will have your name always.
 
Sorry to hear that mate, I would probably feel the same - how about suggesting making her surname double barreled?
 
I don't know much about this stuff. Sorry to hear you are in this position.

However I would have thought if the child is seeing you on a regular basis or you have shared custody then you should have an equal say in the childs name. To change the name now seems stupid and I would fight her until my last breath.

******* women.
 
I can see both sides of this one, you obviously like the connection of sharing your name with your daughter but at the same time I can also see the point about your ex having more children and wanting them all the have the same name.

Speaking as somebody who was in the same situation as your daughter is in now I think you should let allow the name change. You don't become less of a father just because she has a different name and I cant help but think you may be thinking of yourself more than your daughter on this occasion.
 
Double barrel the surname and then start arguing over whose goes first. :D

In all seriousness it does seem that she has already suggested that course of action in the e-mail previously, so why not go for that?
 
Hold on a minute though, surely she is changing the kids name to her last name, not her new boyfriend/husbands last name so how will it match with her future kids last names???

fishy.
 
Sorry I don't have any advice but just a point that came to mind.

but knowing that sometime in the future i will have other children and want all my kids to have the same name
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but one thing i would guarantee you is that i would never give jolie another mans surname!!!
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Surly, if she were to get married and have more kids, those children would take their fathers name. So the argument that she wants all her kids to have the same name is a bit of a non-starter!!

I hope you get it sorted as amicable as possible.

Edit: hehe great minds starrfighter...
 
Doonhamer said:
I can see both sides of this one, you obviously like the connection of sharing your name with your daughter but at the same time I can also see the point about your ex having more children and wanting them all the have the same name.

Speaking as somebody who was in the same situation as your daughter is in now I think you should let allow the name change. You don't become less of a father just because she has a different name and I cant help but think you may be thinking of yourself more than your daughter on this occasion.
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My X isnt even with another man or any were near to having any other children, so I don't understand her point.

I no my X and I no she just hates that her daughter doesn't have the same name as her, and she basically wants me to give up something that is special to me to suit her life.

It all ways seems the woman have the rights in these matters!
 
punch her in the ovariesto eliminate new kids problem?

on a serious note, double barrel names are cool. it might be the easier solution.
 
I just emailed back this.

"Kate I am more than happy for you to have her name as Jolie Mclaren Campbell. But I would never give up her last name as its so special to me.

If you want to go through the courts to get it changed then that's your choice, but from reading up on this matter, you would need my permission to have her name changed as I am on the birth certificate.

If you were unable to contact me ie I ran off with another woman and you couldn't get hold of me then the courts would take that in to consideration and allow you to change the name, as I am not a active parent.

The truth is you are in constant contact with me and I hope you haven't gone down this road as I will make sure when I return that there are no legal proceedings in having Jolies name changed becasue you say you cant get in touch with me as there are 100`s of emails and facebook messages to prove you can get hold of me, and I would hate to see jolies mother getting in to trouble.

Lets pretend Jolies name was Jole Mclaren on the birth certificate, if I turned round to you one day and said I want her name changed to Campbel to suit my life and future plans,l do you think you would let me ?

I personally find the reasons you have given me since this has been going on have been quite pathetic, and really do insult my intelligence.

The reasons you have given for the name change have been...

In case Jolie ever needs medical treatment ie blood transfusion from me, " they wont let me if we haven't got the same name" - Do I need to really prove this wrong lol

In case you have more children in the future - This is not a valid reason for me to change Jolies name.

You Will never bully me or change my mind on this matter! as I have feelings and emotions to and they are no more important than yours and vice a versa!. Jolie is 50-50

If you magically manage to get Jolies name changed "legally" or if it becomes law that you can with out my permission then off course I will except it. But will I give up my daughters name for no valid reason but because you want it, then the answer is 100% no so please don't ever ask me ever again, as on my own life I would never in a million years give her name up.

I am more than happy when Jolie is 16 to give her the choice in the matter and if she really wants to be Mclaren then I will change her name for "Her" not to suit you.

At least once and for all you no were I stand on this matter, so there is no need to consult me on this ever again! as it will just cause arguments.

Any way I am fine about this and not holding any grudge against you and I hope you don't against me.

xx"
 
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jolie77 said:
I am more than happy when Jolie is 16 to give her the choice in the matter and if she really wants to be Mclaren then I will change her name for "Her" not to suit you.
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That's the best option imo, though I don't think the ex will see it that way.
 
To be honest she can just start calling her Jolie Mclaren and there is little you can actually do about it. You don't have to officially change your name you can just choose to be called something else. At 16 if Jolie decides to be a Mclaren, you won't have any say in the matter (and neither will her mother).
 
She replied

"jamie i think you have got confused ,I have to take it to court because i cant do it without permission.so we will both be going , thats why i was telling you and then the judge will take everything in to consideration and make a final decision.

I could have just lied and said you had moved away but i want to do it properly.and i didnt know that i could get all my legal costs paid for. If you look on internet its HM courts and the form is called c100.

I knew you would say no but dont talk down to me as you surly can see that if its special to you why is it not to me,seen as she lives with me etc.i take it Your parents place is the correct address for my solicitor to send the court order?i

f you did your research you would also see that it says if the father does not agree you can apply to the courts so that is what iv done(everything legal).i have nothing to lose! X just hope its not just a pride thing with you as the judge will ask your reasons-and seen as i was keeping your name in it he will see that i have tried to compromise.

But as I said no arguing just do it this way!
 
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