My X is asking me to give up my daughters last name

[norm]

This sounds like idle bickering between the both of you.

Do what's best for the kid, and that for all intents and purposes is giving her the mother's surname, otherwise she's liable to stand out.

 

[starfighter]

Why not just ask the kid what she wants, i didn't relise she was 16. sounds like the mother is using the kid to annoy you. Do you get on with the child? I would speak to her and explain that although you are no longer married to her mother, you still love her and want her to have your name, it is not normal to take on your mothers name just because your rents got divorced.

Stupid.

 

[Things change I've changed]

How about instead of the parents deciding why don't they ask the daughter ?

 

[Zip]

My mum and dad split up when i was 2.

And even though i know much more familly history of my Mums Maiden name im glad i got to keep my Dads familly name. I think its a bit more traditional.

But saying that, my mum kept her married name anyway (never had a devorce, just a split)

 

[[FnG]magnolia]

Discussing this by email is bad.

But does provide an auditable trail of discussion which may be permissible in a court of law

I do agree with you, however.

 

[MeatLoaf]

To the OP :

Do you have full parental responsibility for your daughter as im not sure just having your name on the birth certificate counts. As you wernt married to your ex then i think you have to apply for parental responsibility. If you were married you get this automatically.

Anyway im not 100% sure what im saying is correct but if not im sure someone wioll correct me

From this website :

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents...2954?CID=emc&TYPE=sponsoredsearch&CRE=Parents

EDIT :

Who has parental responsibility?

In England and Wales, if the parents of a child are married to each other at the time of the birth, or if they have jointly adopted a child, then they both have parental responsibility. Parents do not lose parental responsibility if they divorce, and this applies to both the resident and the non-resident parent.

This is not automatically the case for unmarried parents. According to current law, a mother always has parental responsibility for her child. A father, however, has this responsibility only if he is married to the mother when the child is born or has acquired legal responsibility for his child through one of these three routes:

(from 1 December 2003) by jointly registering the birth of the child with the mother
by a parental responsibility agreement with the mother
by a parental responsibility order, made by a court
Living with the mother, even for a long time, does not give a father parental responsibility and if the parents are not married, parental responsibility does not always pass to the natural father if the mother dies.

All parents (including adoptive parents) have a legal duty to financially support their child, whether they have parental responsibility or not.

 

[ps3ud0]

Surely making her understand that she cant fulfill her promises regards your child once she gets married and has children anyway defeats her argument? Whomevers surname Jolie has will differ from her other kids who would have their fathers surname and so would stand out anyway.

It very unlikely the father wouldnt object and its something she cant gaurantee as part of her requirement to change it.

ps3ud0

 

[jolie77]

My daugter is only 2 lol not 16

 

[jolie77]

To the OP :

Do you have full parental responsibility for your daughter as im not sure just having your name on the birth certificate counts. As you wernt married to your ex then i think you have to apply for parental responsibility. If you were married you get this automatically.

Anyway im not 100% sure what im saying is correct but if not im sure someone wioll correct me

From this website :

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents...2954?CID=emc&TYPE=sponsoredsearch&CRE=Parents

EDIT :

Who has parental responsibility?

In England and Wales, if the parents of a child are married to each other at the time of the birth, or if they have jointly adopted a child, then they both have parental responsibility. Parents do not lose parental responsibility if they divorce, and this applies to both the resident and the non-resident parent.

This is not automatically the case for unmarried parents. According to current law, a mother always has parental responsibility for her child. A father, however, has this responsibility only if he is married to the mother when the child is born or has acquired legal responsibility for his child through one of these three routes:

(from 1 December 2003) by jointly registering the birth of the child with the mother
by a parental responsibility agreement with the mother
by a parental responsibility order, made by a court
Living with the mother, even for a long time, does not give a father parental responsibility and if the parents are not married, parental responsibility does not always pass to the natural father if the mother dies.

All parents (including adoptive parents) have a legal duty to financially support their child, whether they have parental responsibility or not.

We went married and she looks after my daughter full time I just take her out a few times a week, so I guess that means she has full responsibilty

 

[ergonomics]

So she said she would be happy with Mclaren-Campbell. Then when you said yes to it, she decided she wasn't anymore and is still going to court?

 

[Stretch]

Hold on a minute though, surely she is changing the kids name to her last name, not her new boyfriend/husbands last name so how will it match with her future kids last names???

fishy.

That's a very good point. I think you should wait and see tbh.

 

[Doonhamer]

Its half a good point, it assumes she will marry and change her name or the Kids will take the name of her bf/new husband.

 

[atpbx]

We went married and she looks after my daughter full time I just take her out a few times a week, so I guess that means she has full responsibilty

You HAVE parental responsibility because you have jointly registered the birth of your child after 2003, you are on the birth certificate, you are legally responsible for you child if you went to the registry office and registered the baby with your apparently brain dead ex.

 

[Moley]

Jolie, I don't mean to come across as nasty in this reply, but tbh you are both sounding like petty little children - neither of your emails to each other has been done in a reasonable civil tone, but maybe you both just have poor communication skills.

At the end of the day, neither the child nor her name are possessions to fight over and you two really need to get a grip.

The solution to this problem is for you both to accept that you each have strong feelings over this and that you both have valid points of view - and then co-operate on a mutually acceptable solution.

The best solution in this case is to go for a double-barrelled surname, which the kid can decide upon changing as and when she hits 16.

You might want to suggest this to your ex, after a sincere apology for being a bit of a git in how you've dealt with this whole thing.

Sorry if I come across as a bit condescending, I'd really like for you to get a satisfactory outcome - but sometimes people have to be told how it is!

Good luck mate.

 

[Stretch]

Its half a good point, it assumes she will marry and change her name or the Kids will take the name of her bf/new husband.

I think it's highly likely that her future children will take at leased part of the partner’s name.

I also think that the name changing is much more to do with the mothers worry about any possible stigma attached to having children from multiple fathers than it is looking after the child’s interests.

 

[Kell_ee001]

So she said she would be happy with Mclaren-Campbell. Then when you said yes to it, she decided she wasn't anymore and is still going to court?

She said would have been, which implied in the past but not anymore. From the sound of all 3 emails, it sounds like it she was willing to compromise in the past but as that obviously wasn't working / acceptable to the OP and it'll be going to court, she's asking for exactly what she wants now.

I think double barrelled, Campbell-Mclaren is good although I think that Campbell would make a lovely middle name as well if she wanted (if she did have more siblings in the future with their mothers name for example). I understand your POV but I understand hers as well, and you cannot blame her for wanted to do this for the future. It's been pointed out about if she has more kids, but she is bound to have learnt from this mistake and give them her surname... so they would all have the same surname.

 

[Solari]

Bah, women are just so damn petty and ****** up sometimes

I can't see why any judge would throw out the double-barreled suggestion, and the point about having the same name as future kids is crazy unless they will all have her name (can't see any potential husband agreeing with that).

 

[Stretch]

It's been pointed out about if she has more kids, but she is bound to have learnt from this mistake and give them her surname... so they would all have the same surname.

I can't see any man being happy with this. And if you love each other enough to have children you shouldn't be hedging your bets over what happens to the names of your children when you split up

 

[Doonhamer]

I also think that the name changing is much more to do with the mothers worry about any possible stigma attached to having children from multiple fathers than it is looking after the child’s interests.

Possibly, maybe its a stigma she doesn't want attached to her or her daughter, would you?

 

[Stretch]

Possibly, maybe its a stigma she doesn't want attached to her or her daughter, would you?

So you're suggesting that everyone should live a lie? Is that any better? You can't conceal the identity of you parents, and if you try it just looks wired.