Share a funny "true" story to cheer everyone up

Nix · 9 Apr 2009 at 15:12

Goodwin said:
I instinctively whacked on my brake to avoid disembowling myself only to slip off the saddle, down the crossbar tearing my sack on every open brake cable boss and finally coming to a tear jerking squishy halt by slamming my battered balls into the stem. I only realised what had happened when I stood up and could actually see a nut attempting to dangle from the wound.

You really know how to play on the dramatic tension don't you? :eek:

**** that for a game of cricket.

Sinque · 9 Apr 2009 at 15:12

bledd. said:
the chord that connects your johnson to the foreskin

Oh my sweet lord, the stories coupled with that meaning do not go well together in my mind :eek:

antijoke · 9 Apr 2009 at 15:21

Sinque said:
Oh my sweet lord, the stories coupled with that meaning do not go well together in my mind

Pray it never happens to you.

macfb · 9 Apr 2009 at 15:24

This thread is amazing! I can't think of anything right now, but If I do i will post.

Jonathan

Marky · 9 Apr 2009 at 15:25

5 Stars! You've managed to, once again, make me look like an arse in front of office peoples

strumpusplunket · 9 Apr 2009 at 15:25

anticonscience said:
Did anyone go to the doctor about their banjo strings?

Yeah. I was pretty alarmed and didn't know what had happened.

Was a Saturday morning so the emergency GP surgery on the other side of town. Walked in not knowing how to broach the subject of what was wrong so led with "er, I think I've broken my penis..."

I can laugh about it now.

Sinque · 9 Apr 2009 at 15:26

anticonscience said:
Pray it never happens to you.

I'm going to invent some sort of boxer pant to reinforce the banjo string, it'll be worth more than life to man...

antijoke · 9 Apr 2009 at 15:28

Sinque said:
I'm going to invent some sort of boxer pant to reinforce the banjo string, it'll be worth more than life to man...

You need to re-invent the woman my son, that's what caused my problem.

bledd · 9 Apr 2009 at 15:29

anticonscience said:
You need to re-invent the woman my son, that's what caused my problem.

yes, remove the voicebox k?

ScarySquirrel · 9 Apr 2009 at 15:33

Awesome thread with some great stories

Sinque · 9 Apr 2009 at 15:35

anticonscience said:
You need to re-invent the woman my son, that's what caused my problem.

What the **** were you doing to her?

shifty_uk · 9 Apr 2009 at 15:39

^^Anal without lube tbh

antijoke · 9 Apr 2009 at 15:40

If memory serves me correctly, we were trying for baby number 2 and things were going very well, very quickly.

bledd · 9 Apr 2009 at 15:43

have any of you guys seen the movie 'Teeth' that'll make you shrivel up even more!

Nix · 9 Apr 2009 at 15:53

bledd. said:
have any of you guys seen the movie 'Teeth' that'll make you shrivel up even more!

No, but I took great joy in waving it around in HMV recently telling strangers that they should use this as part of their child's sex-education.

Fegruson · 9 Apr 2009 at 15:54

When I was about 18 I went for an interview for a bank. At the end of the interview the woman asked me to confirm my name. Confused I was I said my full name; Sean James Ferguson.

My interviewer then looks at me and says, "Well, on your CV, you have typed your surname as FEGRUSON" - hence my forum name.

Suffice to say, I did not get the job

Nix · 9 Apr 2009 at 16:00

Fegruson said:
Suffice to say, I did not get the job

That's a bit harsh. It was obviously a typo. But then again as the old joke goes: you couldn't even spell your name properly.

Le_Petit_Lapin · 9 Apr 2009 at 16:09

bledd. said:
have any of you guys seen the movie 'Teeth' that'll make you shrivel up even more!

That was a dire film, funny though.

Kreeeee · 9 Apr 2009 at 16:15

My niece just pee'd on my carpet =/

Nix · 9 Apr 2009 at 16:18

Kreeeee said:
My niece just pee'd on my carpet =/

Awesome. Lick it up.