Share a funny "true" story to cheer everyone up

lol. It's happened where there's been haste from the female party and it's made my eyes open a bit me give a pain 'oh', but never actual blood or rips :eek:
 
This was back when I was around 16. I had one of those chin up bars that you set up in the doorway of my room, and I was using it as a sit up bar. After finishing my sit ups, I go to use my computer for a bit.

The phone starts ringing, and from my bedroom you have to leg it as fast as you can or you will miss the call. So I speed out of my room, forgetting about the sit up bar that was in place. My foot got wedged under it proper, and my momentum changed from going forwards to down into the ground. I smashed my knee into the ground extremely hard, and just managed to stop my face from impacting with the banister with my arms. Cue me rolling around in agony and laughing.

Suffice to say, I did not make the phone call!
 
BlackDragon said:
This was back when I was around 16. I had one of those chin up bars that you set up in the doorway of my room, and I was using it as a sit up bar. After finishing my sit ups, I go to use my computer for a bit.

The phone starts ringing, and from my bedroom you have to leg it as fast as you can or you will miss the call. So I speed out of my room, forgetting about the sit up bar that was in place. My foot got wedged under it proper, and my momentum changed from going forwards to down into the ground. I smashed my knee into the ground extremely hard, and just managed to stop my face from impacting with the banister with my arms. Cue me rolling around in agony and laughing.

Suffice to say, I did not make the phone call!
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lulz, would have been funnier if you was half naked and fapping, I suggest you change your story for more laughter in the future :p
 
Goodwin said:
I was out riding my bike one sunny day back in my youth and I had recently fitted a set of Magura HS33 hydraulic rim brakes.
I only had the front brake attached as the rear had popped a hose,and in my infinite wisdom I had left the brake cable bosses opened up from where I had removed the hose.
As you do while going out for an extremely spirited ride down a hill I was wearing nothing resembling protection. In fact I was wearing a top, pair of baggy shorts and some shoes, that's it.

Half way down a mssive hill, I spotted that some complete tool had decided to stretch barbed wire across a tree directly in my path.
I instinctively whacked on my brake to avoid disembowling myself only to slip off the saddle, down the crossbar tearing my sack on every open brake cable boss and finally coming to a tear jerking squishy halt by slamming my battered balls into the stem. I only realised what had happened when I stood up and could actually see a nut attempting to dangle from the wound.
I then had to amble down the trail to the main road whilst cradling the profusely bleeding dangling remnants of my masculinity in my hands and hitch a lift into the local casualty department where they neatly stitched me back up and then ordered me to take saltbaths every day for a month. I can't say it was one of my finest moments!

I've also snapped the banjo string about 3 times, first time it bled like hell and I was ******** bricks as I didn't have a clue what was going on!
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Thats harsh man, real harsh. The person responsible for that barbed wire needs to be strung up.

One saturday night while in town I bumped into a girl I knew from college in the mens toilets. I went to take a dump and she followed me into the cubicle. Pretty much do everything in here bar sex until we get literally dragged out by the bouncers because the bar has closed. Then outside, after getting a bollocking off some police officers for indecent exposure (we went to an alley after the bar) , ha, she convinced me to let her stay at mine (I really didn't want her to come back). I had no money and couldn't afford a taxi home so had to walk the 2 miles home. Anyway, cue about half of the journey home I still hadn't had my #2 from when I met her earlier. I had been holding it in the past 2 hours. And nature was calling back then. So I got the exact same feeling as the original poster did in his story, when I just HAD to go. I told the girl to turn away because I'm going for a pee, to which she says 'i've already seen it', and now i'm shouting 'JUST TURN AWAY', I don't know if she did or not because I just crouched behing a nearby car and unleashed one of the best beer poo's of my life onto a patch of grass outside someones house (the house was actually of someone I knew from school who I didn't like). We walked the rest of the way home, me with ever so slightly soiled pants, and after cleaning up it was the same as any other one night stand.
 
It just really stings to be honest - like if you pulled out those little bits of loose nail on your fingers, or decided to be somewhat amorous with a stinging nettle. It looks a lot worse than it is really; mainly because of the blood.

If it does happen to you though, expect to be urinating through the eye of a hot needle for a month or so. :p
 
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