Friday Joke

Got this in an email, found it rather funny:

This got the whole of Sydney laughing. Read it and you'll see why! Just
Imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this. Many Sydney
Folks DID hear this on the FOX FM morning show in Sydney .

The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is
Called 'Mate Match'. The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are
Married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant
Answers 'yes', he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal
Questions.

The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner with
(phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same =
Three questions correctly, they both win the prize.

The Harbour City dropped to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing
You've heard yet. Anyway, here's how it all went down:


DJ: 'Hey! This is Ed on FOX-FM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'?'


Contestant: (laughing) 'Yes, I have.'


DJ: 'Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to the Gold Coast if
You win.
What is your name? First only please.'

Contestant: 'Brian.'


DJ: 'Brian, are you married or what?'


Brian: (laughing nervously) 'Yes, I am married.'


DJ: 'Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please.'


Brian: 'Sara.'


DJ: 'Is Sara at work, Brian?'


Brian: 'She is gonna kill me.'


DJ: 'Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?'


Brian: (laughing) 'Yes, she's at work.'


DJ: 'Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?'


Brian: 'About 8 o'clock this morning.'


DJ: 'Atta boy, Brian.'


Brian: (laughing sheepishly) 'Well...'


DJ: 'Question #2 - How long did it last?'


Brian: 'About 10 minutes.'


DJ: 'Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said
That if a trip wasn't at stake.'

Brian: 'Yeah, that trip sure would be nice.'


DJ: 'Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this =
Morning?


Brian: (laughing hard) 'I, ummm, I, well...'


DJ: 'This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?'


Brian: 'Not that it was all that great, but her mum is staying with us
For couple of weeks...'


DJ: 'Uh huh...'


Brian: '...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time.'

DJ: 'Atta boy, Brian.'

Brian: 'On the kitchen table.'


DJ: 'Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred
Times I've done it.
Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get his wife's work number and
Call her up.


You listen to this.'
[ 3 minutes of commercials follow. ]


DJ: 'Okay audience; let's call Sarah, shall we?' (Touch
Tones.....ringing....)


Clerk: 'Kinkos.'

DJ: 'Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?'

Clerk: 'This is she.'


DJ: 'Sarah, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right now and
I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now.'

Sarah: (laughing) 'A couple of hours?'

DJ: 'Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to
Give any\answers away or you'll lose.
Sooooooo... Do you know the rules of 'Mate Match'?'

Sarah: 'No.'

DJ: 'Good!'

Brian: (laughing)

Sarah: (laughing) 'Brian, what the hell are you up to?'

Brian: (laughing) 'Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be
Completely honest.'

DJ: 'Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If
Your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off to
The Gold Coast for 5 days on us.

Sarah: (laughing) 'Yes.'

DJ: 'All right. When did you last have sex, Sarah?'

Sarah: 'Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work.'

DJ: 'What time?'

Sarah: 'Around 8 this morning.'

DJ: 'Very good. Next question. How long did it last?'

Sarah: '12, 15 minutes maybe.'

DJ: 'Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his
manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away
from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?'

Sarah: (laughing) 'Yes.'


DJ: 'Where did you have it?'


Sarah: 'OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that did you?'


Brian: 'Just tell him, honey.'


DJ: 'What is bothering you so much, Sarah?'


Sarah: 'Well...'


DJ: Come on Sarah.....where did you have it?


Sarah: 'Up the arse.....'

They had to call an ambulance for the DJ he thought he was going to have
a heart attack , he could not stop laughing. Apperently there was an unusually high call out of the Sydney Police just after this conversation, for minor traffic collisions.
 
I was stood in the Q of the bank today behind this woman with a Massive arse.
Her mobile was in her back pocket & it went off, Beep! Beep! Beep!
This kid behind me grabs my arm & says "Watch out mate she's Reversing". :D
 
My job is so ****ing unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wannabe chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on make-up. She is extremely self-centred and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the ****ing stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober any time in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960s, and to make things worse, he brings his big ****ing dog to work. Every ****ing day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonald's and Burger King, every single ****ing day.

Anyway, I drive these ****tards around in my van and we solve mysteries and ****.
 
Azagoth said:
My job is so ****ing unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wannabe chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on make-up. She is extremely self-centred and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the ****ing stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober any time in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960s, and to make things worse, he brings his big ****ing dog to work. Every ****ing day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonald's and Burger King, every single ****ing day.

Anyway, I drive these ****tards around in my van and we solve mysteries and ****.
Click to expand...

Love it :D
 
> An answer that only a child from Glasgow could think
> of...
>
> I was testing the children in my local primary school
> to see if they understood the concept of getting to Heaven.
>
> I asked them, 'If I sold my house and my car, had a
> massive car-boot sale and gave all my money to the church,
> would that get me into Heaven ?'
>
> 'NO!' the children answered.
>
> 'If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden,
> and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?'
>
> Again, the answer was, 'NO!'
>
> By now I was starting to smile.
> Hey, this was fun!
>
> 'Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweets
> to all the children, and loved my wife would that get me into
> Heaven?' I asked them again.
>
> Again, they all answered, 'NO!'
>
> I was just bursting with pride for them.
>
> 'Well', I continued, 'then how can I get into Heaven?'
>
> A six-year-old boy from Glasgow shouted out,
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
>
>
> 'YIV GOAT TAE BE ******' DEID' (f word)
 
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