Monday Joke

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.


When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"


So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.


Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.


St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"


The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.


The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.


She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on .... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.


St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.


The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"


The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"
 
Monday Joke Thread Revival!


What do you call a short Mexican?


A paragraph. Why? Because they aren't long enough to be an Esse!
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Hee Haw Haw!
 
I installed a clapper in my bedroom last week so that I can turn my lights on and off my just lying in bed clapping my hands.
I never really thought that one through...
Every time I masturbate my room becomes like a nightclub with strobe lighting.
 
The three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger. One of the wise men was exceptionally tall and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable. "Jesus Christ!" he exclaimed.

Joseph said, "write that down, Mary - it's better than Dave!"
 
Ascendancy said:
I installed a clapper in my bedroom last week so that I can turn my lights on and off my just lying in bed clapping my hands.
I never really thought that one through...
Every time I masturbate my room becomes like a nightclub with strobe lighting.
Click to expand...

That made me lol :D
 
I think that there should be a new format for reality TV shows. When the contestants are evicted they should be shot in the back of the head as they enter the van used to take them away. Whereas, the winner should have the honour of being crucified and have as much publicity for the event as they want.

I mean it worked for Jesus, he got his own best-seller because of it.
 
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