I LIKE SCIENCE.

3 men on top of a burning building. A genie appears and tells them, when you leap off this building, shout your wish and whatever it is, you shall land in it safely.

The first man looks behind him at the slowly approaching fire and decides to go for it. He runs across and leaps into the air shouting "WHISKY!!" The genie waves his hand and a large pool of whisky catches him safely on the ground.

The second man see's this and gains determination. He takes a large run up and leaps off shouting "MONEY!!!", again the genie waves his hand and a huge pile of notes catches him safely on the ground.

The last man grins as he thinks of his wish. He makes room for his run and legs it across the burning ceiling, just as he gets to the edge he trips, "****!!!" the genie waves his hand.


:o
 
An infinite crowd of mathematicians enters a bar.

The first one orders a pint, the second one a half pint, the third one a quarter pint...

"I understand", says the bartender - and pours two pints.
 
eggyoke said:
3 men on top of a burning building. A genie appears and tells them, when you leap off this building, shout your wish and whatever it is, you shall land in it safely.

The first man looks behind him at the slowly approaching fire and decides to go for it. He runs across and leaps into the air shouting "WHISKY!!" The genie waves his hand and a large pool of whisky catches him safely on the ground.

The second man see's this and gains determination. He takes a large run up and leaps off shouting "MONEY!!!", again the genie waves his hand and a huge pile of notes catches him safely on the ground.

The last man grins as he thinks of his wish. He makes room for his run and legs it across the burning ceiling, just as he gets to the edge he trips, "****!!!" the genie waves his hand.


:o
Click to expand...

ROFL (Y)
 
Once upon a time there lived a young electron called MICRO FARAD. One night young MICRO FARAD was feeling pretty highly charged; so he decided to find a cute coil to help him discharge his potential. He went round to MILLIE AMP's flat, put her on his pick-up and took her for a ride on his MEGACYCLE. They rode across a WHEATSTONE BRIDGE and stopped at a magnetic field by a flowing current.

MICRO FARAD, attracted by MILLIE AMP's CHARACTERISTIC CURVES soon had her fully charged and excited, and her resistance dropped to its minimum value. He then took out his tension probe and inserted it into her socket, connecting them in parallel, and began short circuiting her shunt using MAXWELL's CORKSCREW rule. Fully excited MILLIE AMP began moaning, " MHO, MHO, give me MHO ". With MICRO's discharge tube operating at maximum current flow, MILLIE soon reached her peak level. The excessive current overheated her shunt and she lost all her electrons.

They fluxed all night, trying various connections until MICRO's magnet had a soft iron core and lost its field strength. At a square wave length from MICRO, MILLIE tried self-induction and damaged her solenoids. Meanwhile with the battery fully discharged, MICRO was unable to excite his field, so they spent the rest of the night reversing polarity and blowing each other's fuses.
 
A man walks into a human butchers shop.

There's a sign on the wall listing prices for human brains:
"Mathematicians brains £1000.00 Per Kilo"
"Economists brains £2000.000 Per Kilo"
"Physcists brains £10,000 Per Kilo"

The man says to the butcher "Wow those Physicsts brains must be amazing", the butcher replies "No, have you got any idea how many Physcists it takes to get a kilo of brains?"

*gets coat*
 
Q: Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?

A: Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.
 
A neutron goes into the pub and asks for a pint of beer.
"How much is that?" he asks.
The barman replies, "For you, no charge."

What do you get when you cross a snake with a Physicist?
A Bohr Constrictor.
 
A spiral galaxy goes into a pub. The landlord says, "I can't serve you, you’re barred".

Why are quantum physicists rubbish at making love?
Because they don't know whether they're coming or going.

Packs bag and gets ready to leave. ;)
 
What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
"You may have graduated but I've got many degrees."

What did the Nuclear Physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
 
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