Don't know what to do (Girl thread)

Ignore her a little, as friends arn't as loved up as you two are ;)

Watch her either come running back wanting you or if she really wants to be friends then won't. You need to start playing the game too rather than let her mess around with your feelings.

Be a man and stop being such a loved up pansy! :)
 
Camalot said:
My head is so messed up, i've totally fell for her, how can i just go round and be friends with her?
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You can't.

Just ignore her for a couple of weeks - seriously! You probably wont listen but you'll drive her nuts by ignoring her. When she gets in touch(which she inevitably will), tell her she either stops mucking you about or that's it!

You're giving her what she wants by always being there despite being mucked around.
 
Basically you are being owned by someone who doesn't know what they want, so it seems to me.

The statement from Meghatronic sums it up really well too. Tell her you feel penis'd about and that you are not standing for it. Tell her how you feel and then walk. Time on her own and an ultimatum of sorts might show her you mean business?

At the end of the day if she can only "be friends" but you can't you are going to have to walk anyway, so you might as well get it all out there so you are both clear on what is happening.

Good luck.
 
She's still thinking about/shagging the ex.

She's just out of a serious relationship, she may want to enjoy being single before meeting someone else. But you came along and now she's torn between finally being single or been in another relationship (she obviously does want to be with you, but her mind is all over the place at the minute).

I think she see's you as a potential serious relationship, which is why she is struggling so much on what to do. If she didn't care about you, she would just tell you to **** off.

My advice would be to back off with all the heavy 'love' stuff and just let her know you'll be there for her.
 
She doesn't want you but is too used to being in a relationship that she needs someone there on standby. Get what you can out of it.
 
I'd just tell her that Of course we can be just friends then carry on smashing her pasty until I found the next one.
Bonus is you can do all that Dirty stuff you don't do to the ones you care about. :D
 
If you want this to work then tell her that you're not up for an on/off relationship.

If she can't give you this, then you have to be prepared to walk away and stop being 'close' friends. By all means keep things friendly, and have fun together if you see each other as part of a bigger group. But going round to stay over is just giving her what she wants without her having to give you any commitment back.

She may just need some time to sort her head out. If you give her some space (proper space!! - go out with other friends, have a good time for a month or so) then she may well come to realise that she's made a mistake by splitting up with you. Space, also means time - if she says she's realised how much you mean to her after just a few days, or a week - it might be what you want to hear, but it's unlikely that anything will actually change.

If you keep trying to be as close to her as you can, then more than likely you'll just build things up for more heartbreak further down the line.

Once she's had time to sort her head out, you have to make sure that she's not just telling you what you want to hear. If she wants to get back together, remind her that you were hurt by her changing her mind before and tell her that you don't want to go through that again. If she can convince you that she is more serious this time around, then tell her that you need to think about it for a while. Let her spend some time showing you that she's serious about you - if she is, then she'll be happy to do the 'chasing' for a while.

More importantly! - If, after some time apart, she says she does just want to be friends - then you have to decide if you can genuinely 'just be friends'. If you cant, and you know you want more, then give yourself as much distance as you can. Do not under any circumstance end up going back to being 'close' friends in the hope that she'll change her mind eventually. You'll never get what you want from things that way.
 
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Very tough situation, don't make any drastic decisions. After 8 years in a relationship I know for sure I'd truly need some time to correct myself and get ready for a new relationship, so maybe she's being honest, on the other hand she was probably a bit vulnerable emotionally (which would explain the kind words) and maybe you're not perfect for her and she rushed in a bit too quickly when she needed somebody (anybody)

Your job to find out. Good luck

By the way, my best friend was in a frighteningly similar situation, and that turned to ****. They were literally inseperable and got on better than I do with him probably, but then the feelings get in the way and it turns ugly and eventually you decide it's not worth the pain and effort to be friends. They're taking it slow and are back friends though now, but it'll never be the same
 
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Unable to comment without pics.

It's actually a serious statement, if she's really hot then it could be worth waiting for her to sort her head out (especially after coming out of an 8 year relationship).

hot + not a bunnyboiler = hit
not hot + bunnyboiler = avoid
not hot + not a bunnyboiler = hit (but prevent mates from finding out)
hot + bunnyboiler = ???

:)
 
Leave her well alone for a month or two to sort her head out (while you do the same). I've been in a similar situation and wish I'd done this.
 
Personally I think as she cant make up her mind, you need to. Which I understand is the point of this thread, but who are we to tell you what you should and shouldn't do.

I think in life many relationships start like this (my missus was only out of a 6 year thing for 2 months before we met, and that was 10 years ago). Women imho are rarely single long.

I would simply tell her how you feel, and that you simply don't want the on/off thing, tell her to think hard about it and then simply walk away. its not going to be easy if you have feelings for her now but it will be far worse down the line if its still on/off.
 
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Re-re-bound.

But as with LOAM above, sometimes they can turn good.

She clearly needs some time to sort herself out - as others have said, tell her you can't be doing with the on-off and that she needs to have a good think.

When just out of a long relationship, a person can feel completely lost and incredibly lonely without a warm body to cling to - which is where you've stepped in - but in that situation it's also very easy to fall into something that isn't quite right.

She needs to find herself again, find out what she wants and doesn't want (I spent a couple of years finding out from experience exactly what I didn't want, hah! Not everyone takes so long, just took two years for my eyes to open up to the one who /was/ right).
 
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