Needless to say I did go back in there however armed with a knife and fork...
What were you going to do, eat the burglar?
I can remember one from ages ago, must have been about 15 years old. I've never told anyone about it before because its completely ridiculous and frankly, embarrassing.
It was early afternoon and I was just about ready to crawl out of bed. I could hear my older brother downstairs moving about, on his own I assumed.
I then heard the sound of the front door being opened, followed by what sounded exactly like someone shouting up the stairs "SIMON HELP ME" whilst being strangled.
I lay in my bed frozen in terror, as I had instantly come to the conclusion that someone had walked into my house and attacked my brother, possibly even killing him. This was followed by silence, so after what seemed like an hour (more like 20 seconds) I also imagined that the burglar/murderer somehow knew I was upstairs and was waiting for me to come down.
Something had to be done, I couldn't just lie there forever. I was browning myself at this point, but I managed to pluck up some courage and quietly got out of bed and walked to the top of the stairs, picking up 'weapons' as I went.
As I stood wearing only my boxers, armed with a small metal pole from my crappy dumbells and a can of Lynx Africa (to spray in the burglar's eyes), I debated whether I should creep down the stairs and launch a surprise attack, or just charge down full pelt screaming like a lunatic.
Being the man I am, I decided to creep down the stairs all gentle and then peered round the corner as slowly as possible to see into the living room.
I then quickly came to my senses and felt like a complete lemon when I discovered that there was nobody else in the house. As I later found out, my brother's mate had been downstairs with him. The sound of the front door opening was actually them leaving the house.
On further thought, I realised that my brother's mate had shouted something up the stairs to me in a silly voice as they were leaving. My imagination did the rest
