Women and there reasons for breaking up with you

[Dave M]

Maybe she feels the excitements gone and isn't ready to settle into the cuddles and kids of marriage. Do something fun, crazy and romantic to win her over. Shes probably just scared and although you might ask why bother.. Women are strange creatures and don't always express themselves in the right way or make rational decisions.. You can at least try and then see how it pans out. I'd think if my fiancé was willing to lose me without any fight or effort then he wasn't worth spending the rest of my life with. Don't think the worst, she probably got a taste of excitement and freedom in s Africa and isn't willing to give that up.. Show her you can help her keep that feeling rather than snuffing it out?

Are you looking for a partner or a clown to keep you entertained? Keep playing the games and you'll get the joker.

 

[CaptainComedy]

as said - she doesn't have the feelings she once had - spark is gone, so should you.

 

[ChrisJSY]

Don't let her push you around and keep you in suspense, that's one thing I can't stand, having someone else decide my future by "taking their time and sorting it out" when they know full well what's going on but don't have the balls to tell you.

It's tell me or get out. (Use some tact here, of course )

 

[[TW]Fox]

This is why asking somebody to marry you when you've barely known them a year is a bit daft.

 

[jumpy]

OP, ignore the 'I don't want to hurt you' bs - That's woman talk for "I don't want to feel guilty about hurting you."

She's made up her mind, probably a while back too, and what she means is she doesn't want to be with you any more. She just doesn't know how to say/do it. Chances are she has been thinking about this for a bit and has used the time away from you on holiday to clarify it in her mind - again ignore the "But I do love you so much." - That's her way of protecting her self, by trying to make you think she's still interested, when she wants the freedom to leave with nothing to feel bad about (see what I underlined above).

My speculation sounds grim, I know. But don't let her mess you about. Either you are together, or you're done; and if she's sending mixed messages, then you have to clarify them for her, if you understand what I mean...

 

[drunkenmaster]

Maybe she's whacked out on anti-malaria meds, maybe she's just confused, maybe she wasn't quite sure about getting engaged, maybe lots of things.

Most people don't feel particularly enthusiastic about flying back to the dreary old UK after spending 2 weeks in (assuming a nice place in SA) a beautiful area of South Africa, she came back, and got confused that she saw you and could only think about the cold grey day , the wet weather, that she's got to work on Monday, that she hates her job, has no future, hates her place, hates the town, etc, etc. Lots of people get depressed coming back to a crappy existance after a holiday, even if just part of their life is crappy.

Maybe she doesn't want to be with you, who knows, ask her to talk to you about it, the more you theorise on reasons she might not want to be with you, things she may or may not have done, you'll trust her less and believe her less, be honest, say its killing you not knowing, ask her what she's feeling and to talk to you.

Beyond that theres not much you can do, fight for her, or get shot of her, talk to her first then work out whats best for you.

 

[ChrisJSY]

I didn't cheat on him but I was getting other male attention and realised that I was bored of being tied down. I no longer missed him when I spent time away and I always made excuses to get away from him. I was bored of the same routine.

Disclaimer: I understand not all people need attention and I've met the wrong people.

This made me think; I'm not saying that you will fall into the same category as what I'm about to say, you had your reasons and he didn't really help your relationship. However, I've found it bemusing why other relationships (including some of mine) have had people who simply can't keep themselves entertained.

By that I mean right now I am single and I am able to keep myself occupied and interested in things and have no need for other people ( like a partner) to do it for me/plan it for me/entertain me directly.
Likewise I'd like to assume that some of my previous partners, or friends of partners were able to keep themselves busy. I had girlfriends who had a life before me.
But suddenly, oh, now that they've met me they seem to lose all interest in these hobbies whilst I don't in mine. Whilst I may be the most amazing thing that happened to them since 5 minutes ago, this wears thin for both them and me.

I cannot continue to entertain these people indefinately because everything that's good enough costs and the things that grow old are free, sex falls in to both categories!
I start missing my free time being able to game in the games that take time(hours), or just wanting to lounge around. sleep, sometimes I have medically related issue that make me so damned tired, a week might go by where I don't have anything new or fun.

Then what happens? Despite me ending every single one of my relationships myself, during some of them they have whined "nothing is happening, I'm bored" etc etc, as if they were no longer able to entertain themselves or have lost all ability, or lied that they could and cannot live life outside a relationship.

I hear it all the time, "Oh I left him/her because things became stale".
The above is what I think after hearing it, sure even I'm not invulnerable to getting bored but for the love of god, wake up people.
You have your own things, then you have each other, I can't see it being any different with someone else, sure he/she took you on holiday for a week and has kept you entertained for months in this new relationship, but everything becomes a boring regimen. Although, having a partner that won't ever do anything when asked and simply ignores you is another thing and totally understand.

I make it a point to make sure future girlfriends (hah, yeah right) aren't inept at keeping themselves busy without me, or even around me.
But then again there's not much benefit I see in having a partner these days personally.

 

[BENJAMIN HERBLE]

how old are you guys? do you not live together even though engaged? and why did she go on a family holiday without you?
mrs herby

 

[ChrisJSY]

why did she go on a family holiday without you?

I think this is inconsequential and could be rudely answered simply by saying "because she can". (without trying to er, be rude! )
I've been on holiday with my friends without my partner at the time, current or future planned marital status should not forbid you from having the freedom to do so.

However he is a bit naive for thinking "now, i know she hasnt cheated on me or anything like that", because there is no earthly way for him to know and if he does posses such an ability he wouldn't need to ask us.

 

[trentlad]

How can complete strangers on an internet forum advise you when you dont even know yourself ?

These threads about relationships are kind of embarassing and people need to get a grip it makes them look lame.

Oh please do shut up!

Sometimes there is no where else to turn or you don't want to contaminate your personal relationships with these questions. Who knows, there may even be someone who replies that went through a similar thing. It's simply a question open to opinion to help the OP think about things or maybe consider issues/solutions that he may have not realised.

But thanks for your comment Mr Black&White.

 

[eatcustard]

You could go play the field, so if she does want out, you have at least had some fun whilst waiting.

or wait and see and get cut up over it.

The voices tell me, she met a bloke in SA, enjoyed herself, and has looked at her relationship with you and maybe thought, its not what she wants.

 

[mejinks]

Sorry to break it to you. She cheated with someone else in South Africa.

Let her go.

Pretty much

 

[PerfectForm]

well shes honestly not like that. Plus, she went with her mom, dad and grand parents, so not as if she could go with someone her own age.

And yeah, i asked here because all my friends are her friends, and all her friends are my friends, so everyone i know will be a bit biased, and i just needed wanted straight opinions .

Her new favorite lines are " im hurting too, and you been nothing but perfect to me and not fair", which to me sounds like a loads of crap. I dunno, like someone posted, i guess she just realized she had more fun without me. She asked for her stuff back which pretty much means a lines drawn under it.

Thanks for all the opinions guys

 

[arknor]

imo she either cheated or came back to crappy miserable britain and realised how **** this country is

 

[sbi5ar]

i guess she just realized she had more fun without me. She asked for her stuff back which pretty much means a lines drawn under it.

Thanks for all the opinions guys

My opinion changed when i realised what I thought was 14 years was actually 14 months... It is possible that she had more fun, however don't let it get you down...

Although this line may be drawn you just got to pick your self up and get on with it... easier said than done i know, but the sooner the better...

Good luck

 

[Mucky_Pup]

Her facebook status today: Single
Her facebook status next week: In a Relationship With ...

Had it happen to me before, dunno why girls don't just say I want to go out with someone else rather than peddling a load of BS at you about not wanting a relationship at the minute etc.

 

[Zatoichi.uK]

If you really want to keep her let her go off and do her own thing. Show her you don't need her or come across as needy. Go and have a blast with some old mates, as you've been neglecting them right? She'll be back if its right, she needs you but has lost sight of it.

Oh yeah and if it transpires she did cheat, dump her sorry arse and move on. Never look back.

 

[Tefal]

well shes honestly not like that. Plus, she went with her mom, dad and grand parents, so not as if she could go with someone her own age.

And yeah, i asked here because all my friends are her friends, and all her friends are my friends, so everyone i know will be a bit biased, and i just needed wanted straight opinions .

Her new favorite lines are " im hurting too, and you been nothing but perfect to me and not fair", which to me sounds like a loads of crap. I dunno, like someone posted, i guess she just realized she had more fun without me. She asked for her stuff back which pretty much means a lines drawn under it.

Thanks for all the opinions guys

Remember don't forget to get your ring back!

 

[Skull]

well shes honestly not like that. Plus, she went with her mom, dad and grand parents, so not as if she could go with someone her own age.

And yeah, i asked here because all my friends are her friends, and all her friends are my friends, so everyone i know will be a bit biased, and i just needed wanted straight opinions .

Her new favorite lines are " im hurting too, and you been nothing but perfect to me and not fair", which to me sounds like a loads of crap. I dunno, like someone posted, i guess she just realized she had more fun without me. She asked for her stuff back which pretty much means a lines drawn under it.

Thanks for all the opinions guys

Why do you think her mum, dad and grandparents are on your side? Them being there isn't a guarantee that she wouldn't do anything.

"Mum, dad, Stefanus has offered to show me around town in his bakkie, see you at dinner time."

"Okay have fun dear."

 

[BunnyKillBot]

Rule 1) When a girl makes her mind up, there is no changing it. The ladder is established. You are off the romantic ladder, and you are not getting back on. Save yourself the embarrassment and heartache and accept that.

Rule 2) There are plenty more fish in the sea