Carp joke time

Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.


A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
 
We need someone that can get a Mac10 in 3 minutes so the Op can be shot y0!
 
What did the farmer say when he caught the brown chicken and the brown cow in the barn kissing?

"Brown chicken, brown cow"
 
Last one from me, though I probably should have quit while I was ahead... :p



A man walks into a bar, sits down and hears a small voice say,

"You look nice today!"

A few minutes later he hears a small voice again this time saying,

"That's a nice shirt!"

The guy asks the bartender, "Who is that?"

The bartender says, "Oh, those are just the peanuts, they're complimentary!"
 
Six6siX said:
Last one from me, though I probably should have quit while I was ahead... :p



A man walks into a bar, sits down and hears a small voice say,

"You look nice today!"

A few minutes later he hears a small voice again this time saying,

"That's a nice shirt!"

The guy asks the bartender, "Who is that?"

The bartender says, "Oh, those are just the peanuts, they're complimentary!"
Click to expand...

Later on, the man went to the toilets, and while he was in there he could hear a voice shouting "YOU UGLY *******!" at him, along with all manner of other insults. He went and asked the barman about it, who said "Oh, the condom machine is out of order."
 
vonhelmet said:
Later on, the man went to the toilets, and while he was in there he could hear a voice shouting "YOU UGLY *******!" at him, along with all manner of other insults. He went and asked the barman about it, who said "Oh, the condom machine is out of order."
Click to expand...

Hahaha, excellent :D
 
Did you hear the one about the blind circumciser?

He got the sack...


What is a blonde's favourite nursery rhyme?

Humpme Dumpme!


Why do Walruses go to Tupperware parties?

They hope to find a tight seal...
 
I was driving past Old Trafford last week and found a Manchester United season ticket nailed to a post, so I took it. Well, you can never have too many nails, can you?
 
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