We're on a break

She accepted the apology and that it was a one off but it unlocked a few past issues from a previous relationship and I guess she saw me in a different light. I can only step away, let her work it out and see how she feels. If she misses me she'll be in touch, otherwise it's game over, she wants to keep in touch but I'm leaning towards telling her that's not fair on me, just keep quiet until you've worked it out. If silence is all I hear, then I have my answer.
 
Bleek said:
What triggered it?

And also, no offence to all, but how old are you? A lot of the responses thus far do seem a little on the 'young' side. This isn't a teenage romance, we're both in our adult years (but sub 30).
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I think stress was a contributing factor. I'm 23 and she's 24, so we're not the hormonal teenagers you might be imagining.
 
I also don't believe in this whole break thing, even though it worked for my mum and ada when they first met (and now have been together for 35 years) I'm not so sure to be honest

Stelly
 
Burnsy2023 said:
I think stress was a contributing factor. I'm 23 and she's 24, so we're not the hormonal teenagers you might be imagining.
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That's interesting, she mentioned being down and unhappy with things outside the relationship prior to our issue. She cried on a number of the points. Perhaps it's mild depression.
 
Bleek said:
She accepted the apology and that it was a one off but it unlocked a few past issues from a previous relationship and I guess she saw me in a different light. I can only step away, let her work it out and see how she feels. If she misses me she'll be in touch, otherwise it's game over, she wants to keep in touch but I'm leaning towards telling her that's not fair on me, just keep quiet until you've worked it out. If silence is all I hear, then I have my answer.
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Its not fair for her to mess around with your feelings while she sorts out her own

regardless of how you cut it, she wants out.
 
Bleek said:
That's interesting, she mentioned being down and unhappy with things outside the relationship prior to our issue. She cried on a number of the points. Perhaps it's mild depression.
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I think both mine and her communication skills also were lacking. We've had to make an effort to make sure we know how each other are feeling in a way that gets the point across. We were both talking but neither of us were understanding what was being said. We just needed to figure out how to be clear and phrase it in a way that the other would take notice.

Now I think about it, this was probably the biggest factor.
 
Burnsy2023 said:
I think both mine and her communication skills also were lacking. We've had to make an effort to make sure we know how each other are feeling in a way that gets the point across. We were both talking but neither of us were understanding what was being said. We just needed to figure out how to be clear and phrase it in a way that the other would take notice.

Now I think about it, this was probably the biggest factor.
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well you know what they say, translating written text to emotion is hard.

Try getting a non internet GF

:D

on a serious note communication is a big thing in a relationship and its where most people fail. Women and men alike need to be able to talk openly about how they feel, regardless of how it will make the other person feel. If you cant be honest with each other its doomed from the get go.
 
Every situation is different and the outcome is by no means definite. It seems to me that a lot of the advice in this thread has been fuelled by bitter experience or too much Friends.

I have had two breaks before, one of which lead to a furthering of the relationship (which ended much later) and the other which ended a fortnight after the break started. Do what feels right to you - if that means asking for no contact, or asking her to make her mind up, or running off to a strip club....or just talk to her and tell her how you feel (linking to this thread is not advisable).
 
AtreuS said:
From my experiance... if your gf sleeps with someone while you on are the break thats perfectly fine and you have no cause for complaining and being annoyed.

If you sleep with someone then you are a scumbag and never loved her and just agreed to the break so you could sleep around.

Thats how it works im afraid.


Now of course not knowing either of you this could be far from the mark, but USUALLY if someone suggests a break its because they want to get jiggy with someone else they have seen.

If its got to the break stage its usually just too far gone to save it.
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This

naefeart said:
anticonscience posted the only contribution I was going to make to this thread, so I've had to rethink...

A 'break' tends only to workout for the person initiating it. Your gf now has the opportunity to go hump the guy at work/school/uni etc who has been showing her attention. Then she gets to decide whether she'd rather carry on with him or take you back.

All the while you are sitting at home scratching your head, wondering how you got in this situation. Sitting at home holding onto the dim hope that she will come back, having realised you are indeed her lobster or whatever.

Ofcourse, you can choose not to sit about being confused, cease the opportunity to have some fun, go out and do a 'Ross'. Then probably get lambasted for being a dirty cheater etc.

The choice as they say, is yours.
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And this. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt :(
 
I would be tempted to confront her about it and find out exactly what the boundaries are and where you stand. Ask her what would be acceptable, i.e. chatting someone else up, kissing, having sex with someone else... That way you know exactly where you stand and your conscience will be clear. It also puts her on the spot and you get to hear it from the horse's mouth, as it were, so she would *technically* be bound by the same. She might also get the message that you're not just going to sit and twiddle your thumbs and wait like a loyal puppy.
 
Mat said:
I would be tempted to confront her about it and find out exactly what the boundaries are and where you stand. Ask her what would be acceptable, i.e. chatting someone else up, kissing, having sex with someone else... That way you know exactly where you stand and your conscience will be clear. It also puts her on the spot and you get to hear it from the horse's mouth, as it were, so she would *technically* be bound by the same. She might also get the message that you're not just going to sit and twiddle your thumbs and wait like a loyal puppy.
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Already did, she was rather disgusted that I should even ask the question. Like I say, she doesn't want anyone else and doesn't want me to be sticking my wedge in another door, this is about working through not walking away, that's what she's telling me.
 
Bleek said:
Already did, she was rather disgusted that I should even ask the question. Like I say, she doesn't want anyone else and doesn't want me to be sticking my wedge in another door, this is about working through not walking away, that's what she's telling me.
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A strong reaction like that would probably ring an alarm bell for me. To initiate a break is a pretty hefty thing and it needs to be nailed down properly. To react in a disgusted way to it being questioned doesn't seem quite right to me, she should be keen to get that sort of thing sorted out so you both know what's what.

How does she intend to be working through things on a break?

I hate to be all negative about it but that doesn't add up in my mind.
 
Mat said:
How does she intend to be working through things on a break?
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Beat me to it

this is exactaly the point i am trying to get across.

She wants an easy way out with lack of dealing with the emotions first hand.

Cut your losses sooner then later.
 
Interestingly my female friends (I consulted two) have told me to stick to the plan and go with it.

Conflicting views a'hoy. It was probably a bad idea asking the question on here! :D
 
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