Office talk, full of it.

This place is full of self important hand shakers who can't wait to tout the latest buzz phrase, they start quietly with one person saying it and before you know it the whole office is using it.

"Boil the ocean"
"We're on a journey"
"Cultural fit"
"Reinvent the wheel"
"Lets land this" (and other permutations of aeroplanes hitting the ground)
"Alignment of synergies"

There also seems to be an obsession with ownership in this place, everything is suffixed by "owner". Which is ironic as when something goes wrong, said owners always seem to be doing something else....

edit - thought of another. The company is religiously referred to as "the business", almost as if it were a person in the room. "Does the business understand the ramifications of this decision?" "We'll have to go back to the business and ask". To which I asked of the latter: "Who is that then?" Silence, blank looks and a quick subject change. Idiots.
 
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Forgot to add. A while back we were all given 'Company Values' cards to carry with us. We were also encouraged to study the values and question fellow employees on our 'values'. Like a pop quiz.

It didn't last long. I know some of our managers has been on 'new and exciting' management courses the past few months. Cannot wait to see what laughable and embarrassing bull**** they come up with soon.
 
simulatorman said:
"We must move forward and be proactive", what the **** do you think have we've been doing.
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Entrenched and reactive?

VFR_KID said:
With our management they use the term "Have we all bought into this" or "We will all have to buy into this for it to work"

AHHHH
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They mean don't sit around waiting for it to fail. invest some of your own ego and pride into the project and try to make it work.

Morbius said:
The latest buzzword seems to be "theatre", which means the market one trades within.
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Obviously some cross over from military jargon, theatre of operation. Sector or market is commonly used for this but language moves on.


I don't see the problem with 90% of management jargon, it's no different to any other industry. You wouldn't decry the use of bizarre acronyms and nicknames for things in the military or construction would you?

Some stuff is just ****** though :)
 
Thesaff said:
Do i hate it, yes with a vengance.
My old boss trotted out a line "when you assume you make an ass out of you and me", well guess what we all knew who the ass was that day. Are there any office talk phrases you hate?
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bnest counter to that i've seen is next time say


You:"when you assume you make an ass out of you"

Them:"and me"

You: "yes you"

then walk off quickly.

:D
 
Telescopi said:
I don't see the problem with 90% of management jargon, it's no different to any other industry. You wouldn't decry the use of bizarre acronyms and nicknames for things in the military or construction would you?

Some stuff is just ****** though :)
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I know what you mean. The jargon that I find most frustrating is, for example, calling a weakness a "development area". It's simply a way of avoiding saying something which might be seen as nasty. Everybody knows that something termed a "development area" is actually a weakness, so why not call a spade a spade rather than just moving the goalposts?
 
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My old boss use to say "We have to act like a Rhino" (in other words, charge charge charge)

This was the same boss that said we needed to supply certain products like "Triangular Cheese Boards" (in other words, we offered 'unusual' things for free, but to support and enhance them we'd charge!)

Weird bloke he was.
 
Telescopi said:
Entrenched and reactive?
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Quite the opposite. The trouble is that the teams are not but some managers pick up a set of phrases they have had from up above at management briefings and spend most of their time using them instead of getting on and managing teams. Luckily their days are numbered.
 
I've heard the 'assume' one so much it just doesn't even register. That and touch base, leverage this, systemisation that, there are some corkers in here though.

How can people say this stuff with sincerity?
 
The thing that makes me laugh is when you hear it from one manager and then they all start using it.

Most of these phrases appear when expressing meaning for something that isn't working correctly, describe something that's gone wrong in the past or telling something to someone who dosen't want to hear it. Managers assume once the phrase has been coined the problem goes away, until it inevitable resurfaces a few month later only to be given a new name.

Our test team managers use them endless to cover their own incompetence and the glee expressed on their face when they come up with a new phrase to paper over the cracks is almost tangible.
 
A senior manager overuses the word "theoretically", here.

I feel like saying "Oh, sorry Mr Hawking. Didn't realise this was a physics exam" :p
 
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