Confronting someone's alcohol problem

It seems like a lot of people have been in your situation. Unfortunately I'm one of them and it wasn't a happy ending. My father was an alcoholic, a very successful alcoholic, extremely secretive and never would admit to having a problem, even as he vomited 'coffee ground' blood days before his death in the ICU of Eastbourne DGH.

Because, as a drunk, he was subdued rather than aggressive, violent or dangerous and because he was able to hide the true extent of his problem so well, it was all too easy for myself and the rest of our family to stick our heads in the sand, tell ourselves he was a grown man and responsible for his own choices and let him get on with it. When we did confront him with it, he would just deflect it. He was impossible to provoke into an argument no matter what you said to him. Eventually his problem and our inability to help him resulted in his untimely demise at the age of 48.

Anyway, the above was just to add to the previous comments and show you that you're not alone in this situation. Alcoholism is a major problem in our society.

It doesn't sound like your father's problem is that serious, yet. The more he drinks, the more he feels he needs to drink. It's not a huge leap from being a heavy evening drinker to a 'maintenance' alcoholic.

And now, looking to the future, the problem at the moment is that your father probably cannot imagine his life without alcohol. He can't imagine spending his evening reading a book, watching TV, going to a party, going to the pub, without a drink in his hand. You've got to show him how his life can be brighter and more enjoyable without alcohol. Point out the financial benefits, the health benefits, the social benefits. I really can't offer much more advice than that as ultimately it's a personal decision. Trying to physically stop him drinking will only make him more determined.

Good luck :).
 
Haze said:
find where he stashs the booze and lob it down the drain
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Possibly the worst advice ever. An addiction is exactly that. They go to any length to get hold of booze. Simply pouring it away is going to encourage them to be devious about getting hold of more.
 
can you go out with him one evening, maybe to the cinema or to watch a local football/rugby game, just to see if he can go a night without a drink and build on that?
 
Leviathon said:
I can't suggest what to do but I can give my point of view - ex alcoholic, clean 8 years now.

It crept up on me and as the same with all drug abuse, I was very selfish, lost a lot of mates, fell out with a lot of family members and partners over the years, tried to quit several times but went back. I had to want to quit properly for good - in the end was the birth of my first son and some major health scares, that I quit cold turkey, very tough thing to do. Somewhere will be that trigger for the light to pop on, hope your old man finds it.
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Without derailing too much, can you share more details about this? Tell me to **** off if it's too personal :)
 
Just to play devils advocate here. My dad drinks a similar amount most nights but isn't an alcoholic. He can not drink for weeks or drink one day on, one day off. I think there is a difference between an alcoholic and someone who likes drink. I believe an alcoholic requires alcohol to function in as such they feel they need to have a drink to do something: wake up in the morning, do household activities etc. If you are saying an alcoholic is someone who drinks lots every night, just go into a student union.
 
dante6491 said:
Just to play devils advocate here. My dad drinks a similar amount most nights but isn't an alcoholic. He can not drink for weeks or drink one day on, one day off. I think there is a difference between an alcoholic and someone who likes drink. I believe an alcoholic requires alcohol to function in as such they feel they need to have a drink to do something: wake up in the morning, do household activities etc. If you are saying an alcoholic is someone who drinks lots every night, just go into a student union.
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My personal view is that you are an alcoholic when you have to try to justify your drinking; when you find excuses to drink (because you're stressed, because you're bored, because you're lonely, because you're with friends, etc); when you lie to others about how much you drink; when you lie to yourself about how much you drink. Being able to go without for a time might just mean you have better self control than some...
 
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