Joke...........
- Thread starter Chuggerboom
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A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt. God works in mysterious ways.
After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women drivers.
The woman says, 'So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should be friends and live in peace for the rest of our days.'
Flattered, the man replies, 'Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be a sign from God! But you're still at fault...women shouldn't be allowed to drive.'
The woman continues, 'And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.' She hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?'
The woman replies, 'No.. I think I'll just wait for the police...'
After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women drivers.
The woman says, 'So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should be friends and live in peace for the rest of our days.'
Flattered, the man replies, 'Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be a sign from God! But you're still at fault...women shouldn't be allowed to drive.'
The woman continues, 'And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.' She hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?'
The woman replies, 'No.. I think I'll just wait for the police...'
Soldato
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Three men talking in a bar, one from Rome, one from Paris and the other from Bolton.
There all bragging how good in bed they are.....
The Man from Rome says (Italian Accent) "When I make love to my wife she floats 2 inches off the bed in ecstasy"
The Man from Paris says (Frence Accent) " That's nothing when I make love to my wife she floats 4 inches off the bed in ecstasy"
The Guy from Bolton say's (Bolton Accent you know like Peter Kay would say it)
"By ec I've got that beat when me and misses has a bit all i have to do is wipe my D*** on the curtains and she hits the bloody roof"
There all bragging how good in bed they are.....
The Man from Rome says (Italian Accent) "When I make love to my wife she floats 2 inches off the bed in ecstasy"
The Man from Paris says (Frence Accent) " That's nothing when I make love to my wife she floats 4 inches off the bed in ecstasy"
The Guy from Bolton say's (Bolton Accent you know like Peter Kay would say it)
"By ec I've got that beat when me and misses has a bit all i have to do is wipe my D*** on the curtains and she hits the bloody roof"
but do they do chicken and fish?
Soldato
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HE HE just had a pic in my mind of her going down the stairs to the music.
Dum Dum d-d-d-d-d dum der der der der ner ner..... la la la la.......LOL
After spending two hours getting ready for our night out, my wife said to me.
"Do I look alright?"
I replied, "You look like a million dollars!"
"Aww, that's so sweet"
"Which converts to around 600,000 pounds you fat b*tch"
LOL
LOL
LOL
HE HE just had a pic in my mind of her going down the stairs to the music.
Dum Dum d-d-d-d-d dum der der der der ner ner..... la la la la.......LOL
LOL x 10
ROFL!
LOL, best joke in the thread.
Soldato
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Three men talking in a bar, one from Rome, one from Paris and the other from Bolton.
There all bragging how good in bed they are.....
The Man from Rome says (Italian Accent) "When I make love to my wife she floats 2 inches off the bed in ecstasy"
The Man from Paris says (Frence Accent) " That's nothing when I make love to my wife she floats 4 inches off the bed in ecstasy"
The Guy from Bolton say's (Bolton Accent you know like Peter Kay would say it)
"By ec I've got that beat when me and misses has a bit all i have to do is wipe my D*** on the curtains and she hits the bloody roof"
Winner
As a huge fan of the Olympics, I'm dreading 2012.
Poland are looking good and with the home advantage they're gonna be tough to beat...
___
I walked into the pub toilet earlier, spotted a bloke at the urinals, and made my way to the cubicle.
Bloke laughed and said, "Embarrassed about your penis, hey, lad?"
A bit embarrassed, I said; "Of course not!" And made my way over to the urinal next to him.
What a hypocrite, he sure seemed embarrassed watching me take a ****.
Poland are looking good and with the home advantage they're gonna be tough to beat...
___
I walked into the pub toilet earlier, spotted a bloke at the urinals, and made my way to the cubicle.
Bloke laughed and said, "Embarrassed about your penis, hey, lad?"
A bit embarrassed, I said; "Of course not!" And made my way over to the urinal next to him.
What a hypocrite, he sure seemed embarrassed watching me take a ****.
I had a mate who was suicidal.
He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a train.
He was chuffed to bits.
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I went to see a sick friend in hospital earlier...
I found him in the morgue masturbating.
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My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!! Nuts to this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
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A dustman is going along the street picking up the wheely bins.
He gets to one house where the bin hasn't been left out so he has a quick look for it, and then knocks on the door.
Eventually a Chinese man answers... "Harro", he says.
"Alright mate, where's your bin?" asks the dustman.
"I bin on toiret" replies the Chinese bloke, looking perplexed.
"No mate, where's ya dust bin?"
"I dust bin on toiret I told you" says the Chinese man.
"Mate", says the dustman..."you're misunderstanding me... Where's your wheelie bin?"
"OK, OK", says the Chinese guy. "I wheely bin having w***"
He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a train.
He was chuffed to bits.
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I went to see a sick friend in hospital earlier...
I found him in the morgue masturbating.
------------------------
My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!! Nuts to this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
------------------------
A dustman is going along the street picking up the wheely bins.
He gets to one house where the bin hasn't been left out so he has a quick look for it, and then knocks on the door.
Eventually a Chinese man answers... "Harro", he says.
"Alright mate, where's your bin?" asks the dustman.
"I bin on toiret" replies the Chinese bloke, looking perplexed.
"No mate, where's ya dust bin?"
"I dust bin on toiret I told you" says the Chinese man.
"Mate", says the dustman..."you're misunderstanding me... Where's your wheelie bin?"
"OK, OK", says the Chinese guy. "I wheely bin having w***"
Last edited:
This made me laugh!
Full of win, best of the thread.
After spending two hours getting ready for our night out, my wife said to me.
"Do I look alright?"
I replied, "You look like a million dollars!"
"Aww, that's so sweet"
"Which converts to around 600,000 pounds you fat b*tch"
havn't heard this before: +1 from me