**OcUK OFFICIAL JOKE THREAD!**

Why did the lion keep getting lost?

Because the jungle is massive.

In bed with the wife last night, and she asked what I'd most like to do to her naked body.

Apparently "Identify it" was the wrong answer.
 
How do you kill a blue elephant?
With a blue elephant gun.

How do you kill a pink elephant?
Hold its nose until it turns blue, and shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

How do you kill a white elephant?
Tickle it pink, hold its nose until it turns blue, and shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

How do you kill a yellow elephant?
Who's ever heard of a yellow elephant?
 
Got a really grim joke as a text today:

"This pregnant girl I know has made a facebook account for her unborn child. It's beginning to annoy me so much that I've set up an account as a coat hanger, added the child and poked it."
 
Some of the jokes... Wow...

2 old men decide to go for one last night on the razz.

They get to the club, get absolutely ****faced, and have a go at pulling.

The barmaid, feeling sorry for them, tells her assistant: "Just take these two blow up dolls to their rooms, they're so ****** they won't notice the difference..."

So the next day the two old men are walking home, and one says to the other: "What a night! I pulled a fantastic bird, but I thought she was dead! She hardly moved at all!"

And the other guy replies: "That's nothing, mine was a witch!"

"How could you tell?"

"Well, I was making love to her, when I decided to give her a little bite. Bad idea. I bit her, she farted, and flew out the ******* window!"
 
The Prime Minister, David Cameron, has announced that he intends to make it more difficult to claim benefits. From next week, all the forms will be printed in English.
 
i dropped a box of maltesers at a weight watchers meeting last night...



....it was like a live game of hungry hippo's.
 
A scouser goes on Dragon's Den and shows them an old shotgun and a gamekeeper's pouch....

Peter Jones says "And what's your idea?"

The Scouser replies "It's a simple concept Peter, just put all the money in the ******* bag"
 
Now India has allowed homosexuality, the first lesbian couple have got married, so congratulations to Sukme Phlaps and Makemeclit Singh.
 
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