ex-mate demanding money with menaces - Help!
- Thread starter fanger
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Technically true but if a friend gave me a couple of grand and asked for it back later I would want to repay them where possible. Obviously under threat of menaces isn't ideal however.
Associate
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I'm gonna be contrary and say it's nothing to do with the money, it's obviously his underlying psychoses playing up: he's upset at your fight and he's subconsciously transferring his anger at you/pain at losing your friendship into a money issue.
It's possible that if you paid him he would find something different to complain or threaten you about, any excuse to stay angry and in touch with you. It's also possible that in 1 or 3 or 18 months when he's back to having a "good year" as you called it he'll not only forget about the money but also conveniently pretend that your bust-up never even happened.
As far as dealing with it, there's two ways to play it really: if he has no history of violence and you don't really think he might actually make good on his threats, it might be easiest and most convenient to ignore him, cut all contact (as every word your say, no matter how friendly and conciliatory, will just fuel his paranoia as he'll imagine that you're trying to hoodwink him) and wait for him to get better. The other option (and the better one I think, especially if you're scared he might really hurt you!) is to do what this guy said:
A friend of mine has also suffered from some mental health issues, and he went through a period of harassing a girl who threatened to report him to the police. I asked a mental health professional how we (his friends) should deal with this, given that repeatedly asking/begging/threatening him to stop what he was doing didn't work, and the reply was that her reporting him to the police might not be the worst option, harsh as it may sound, as a. it might shock him into seeking treatment, or b. if he still won't seek treatment, a police report on file might be a useful tool if it became necessary to section him.
I know that sounds cruel and harsh (trust me I DO know, whether to have one of your closest friends sectioned is a very depressing conversation!) but you have to remember that people suffering some some kind of delusion or paranoia don't understand that they're not well. They know SOMETHING is wrong, but they usually rationalise it and think that it's the world that's wrong, not they! And sometimes a few days in a padded cell under anti-psychotics can bring them the clarity they need to understand what's happening to them and the confidence to ask for help.
I wouldn't just pick up the phone and call the cops immediately though: you should probably go talk to a social worker or (preferably) a psychiatrist before doing anything, as your friend's circumstances might be different, his condition might already be regulated, he might even already be taking medication for all you know (in which case it's probably not the disease, he's just genuinely ****ed off at you and wants his money back!
), and reporting him or sectioning him wouldn't accomplish anything. Ideally you should go to someone who treated him, if you have that information (his ex partner might). Bottom line is: seek better advice than you can get on this forum! 
It's possible that if you paid him he would find something different to complain or threaten you about, any excuse to stay angry and in touch with you. It's also possible that in 1 or 3 or 18 months when he's back to having a "good year" as you called it he'll not only forget about the money but also conveniently pretend that your bust-up never even happened.
As far as dealing with it, there's two ways to play it really: if he has no history of violence and you don't really think he might actually make good on his threats, it might be easiest and most convenient to ignore him, cut all contact (as every word your say, no matter how friendly and conciliatory, will just fuel his paranoia as he'll imagine that you're trying to hoodwink him) and wait for him to get better. The other option (and the better one I think, especially if you're scared he might really hurt you!) is to do what this guy said:
A friend of mine has also suffered from some mental health issues, and he went through a period of harassing a girl who threatened to report him to the police. I asked a mental health professional how we (his friends) should deal with this, given that repeatedly asking/begging/threatening him to stop what he was doing didn't work, and the reply was that her reporting him to the police might not be the worst option, harsh as it may sound, as a. it might shock him into seeking treatment, or b. if he still won't seek treatment, a police report on file might be a useful tool if it became necessary to section him.
I know that sounds cruel and harsh (trust me I DO know, whether to have one of your closest friends sectioned is a very depressing conversation!) but you have to remember that people suffering some some kind of delusion or paranoia don't understand that they're not well. They know SOMETHING is wrong, but they usually rationalise it and think that it's the world that's wrong, not they! And sometimes a few days in a padded cell under anti-psychotics can bring them the clarity they need to understand what's happening to them and the confidence to ask for help.
I wouldn't just pick up the phone and call the cops immediately though: you should probably go talk to a social worker or (preferably) a psychiatrist before doing anything, as your friend's circumstances might be different, his condition might already be regulated, he might even already be taking medication for all you know (in which case it's probably not the disease, he's just genuinely ****ed off at you and wants his money back!
), and reporting him or sectioning him wouldn't accomplish anything. Ideally you should go to someone who treated him, if you have that information (his ex partner might). Bottom line is: seek better advice than you can get on this forum! he wants his money after you two have had an arguement where you have said things to really get at him and he is angry with you. weed doesnt make a person angry, however you telling him weed is making him angry and messed up would make him angry. you owe him, you work something out and pay him. less crying of the "im getting threatened and i dont like it, so i wanna tell the police, waaaa", pay and he will leave u alone.
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I don't recall him saying he told this guy weed was making him angry, just that the weed wasn't helping with his mental health problems.
I do know that weed and mental health problems do not mix, in the slightest. I have known of three people suffering with mental health problems and increased smoking had a clearly detrimental effect on their state of mental health. Sorry, I know it doesn't fit with the rose-tinted view of weed but it's true. People with mental health problems should not smoke weed. I don't buy into the weed causes mental health argument, but I definitely think it brings issues out of people, and magnifies any already apparent issues.
Have you watched any Judge Judy at all?!
because unless he has something which says "here is a gift of x" then it is considerably more reasonable that the money was a loan. The story is basically "I was down and out and needed money and a friend helped me out with a couple of grand". It would be your word against his and because people, as a rule, don't just give out money for free he'll win; you can say "he swore it was a gift" as much as you like, it won't make any difference.
The guy is clearly a bit mad but the at the end of the day OP will lose if it goes to small claims.
He owes him the money, get credit card, pay him, get on with your life.
B@
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My advice changed after I read he had mental health problems.
Go to the police, if he is threatening you that badly go to them, get one of those things were he can't come near you ( can't think of the name ).
That would be my first option and possibly the most sensible one I can think of. Saying that what are the chances of you and him making friends again? Maybe a simple sorry? The problem is with people who have mental issues they can be a little bit on the... mental side.
The other answer is violence, I'm not sure what kind of person you but if you did resort to violence I don't think a simple kicking would suffice. You would need to do some serious and permanent damage if he is mental otherwise he could come back and go for your family.
Go to the police, if he is threatening you that badly go to them, get one of those things were he can't come near you ( can't think of the name ).
That would be my first option and possibly the most sensible one I can think of. Saying that what are the chances of you and him making friends again? Maybe a simple sorry? The problem is with people who have mental issues they can be a little bit on the... mental side.
The other answer is violence, I'm not sure what kind of person you but if you did resort to violence I don't think a simple kicking would suffice. You would need to do some serious and permanent damage if he is mental otherwise he could come back and go for your family.
Sounds like you're suggesting murdering him so he doesn't come back
.Try and let the situation calm for a few days, try then speak to him and talk things over, if the relationship can't be repaired make it clear you will pay back asap, if he continues to threaten don't bother and go tell the police.
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Smooth JBuk ....... Smooth.
Soldato
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Make him a fish finger sandwich. It'll be fine.
the OP is ommiting things that have gone on/been said to gain extra support and has said he doesnt want to be a target of weed fueled and violent/angry psychosis. he's done more than say "weeds not helping" hes had a propper big pop at him!
i agree with you weed can exacerbate or more typically just show existing mental conditions. i dont think the weed is the problem here tho. id be more worried being around him after hes had beer
theres no paranoid dillusions in this situation, he just wants his money!
Indeed, fill the paranoid psychotic with alcohol and put a glass in his hand before you tell him you wont give him his money back.
A plan with absolutely no downside!
Soldato
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Even better invite him to the London meet someone will buy him a drink.
The sound he is hearing in his head is the credit crunch give him back his paper