Remain seated or stand to wipe?

[FnG]magnolia · 15 Aug 2011 at 01:54

You've just had a poo and are ready to start the wiping process. Do you remain seated and do the tried and tested reach behind whilst remaining seated move or do you go for the more adventurous semi-upright cleaning position, e.g. squatting, hovering or fully standing?

I ask this for reasons of science (also, I read it on another forum and I want to believe that no one really stands up to do this and it was a huge misunderstanding).

kylew · 15 Aug 2011 at 01:57

Stand up? What? :confused:

arknor · 15 Aug 2011 at 01:59

kylew said:
Stand up? What?

you cant stand up and whipe? over weight? bad diet?

i tend to stand up because 90% of the time when i whipe there is nothing on the wet whipe.

Pate · 15 Aug 2011 at 02:00

Stand up.

Wasn't aware there was another way.

Bennie-Mac · 15 Aug 2011 at 02:00

Through the legs and wipe until dry or bleeding. Remain seated throughout the entire performance.

.Sean · 15 Aug 2011 at 02:00

I have my harem bathe me after every defecation. Isn't that how everyone does it? :confused:

Zefan · 15 Aug 2011 at 02:01

I think a better question would be do I remain seated or stand up when closing threads.

I'll give it some thought.

Lightnix · 15 Aug 2011 at 02:01

By what act of contortionism do you manage to wipe your behind while seated?

kylew · 15 Aug 2011 at 02:03

arknor said:
you cant stand up and whipe? over weight? bad diet?

Where the hell did that come from? :confused:

i tend to stand up because 90% of the time when i whipe there is nothing on the wet whipe.

How is that a reason for standing? Why would you stand up? Your arse cheeks will squeeze together then.

[FnG]magnolia · 15 Aug 2011 at 02:04

kenmare said:
Stand up.

Wasn't aware there was another way.

And this is what I found amazing. There quickly appeared two camps of people who couldn't believe that there was another way to wipe. It was hilarious (it wasn't, it was terrifying).

I'm firmly in the stay seated category, you hovering psychos :mad:

arknor · 15 Aug 2011 at 02:04

kylew said:
Where the hell did that come from?

How is that a reason for standing? Why would you stand up? Your arse cheeks will squeeze together then.

well i dont have a massive fat ass so the cheeks dont crush together and if there is a clanger i can feel it before i stand up :S

its obvious when you have a bad poo and u must try to whipe before standing up.

coupe69 · 15 Aug 2011 at 02:05

How can you possibly wipe your arse properly while standing up :confused:

compboyo · 15 Aug 2011 at 02:05

I bend my legs over my head and wipe it just so I can look in and make sure its all clear.

arknor · 15 Aug 2011 at 02:06

coupe69 said:
How can you possibly wipe your arse properly while standing up

you have ever tried it? unless your over weight its easy crouch down then stand up sraight, see if you notice the gap between your cheeks spreading/contracting? mine doesnt maybe i dont have a fat ass so the gap stays relatively stable? making it just as easy if not easier to whipe standing up because then i dont risk wee dripping on my hand

compboyo · 15 Aug 2011 at 02:09

If you stand up there is a chance I fear that the poo will stick to the insides off your cheeks and be harder to wipe off.

I therefore like to remain seated and leave it wide open for easy access and less likelihood off stickage

kylew · 15 Aug 2011 at 02:10

arknor said:
well i dont have a massive fat ass so the cheeks dont crush together and if there is a clanger i can feel it before i stand up :S

its obvious when you have a bad poo and u must try to whipe before standing up.

Maybe you just have really undeveloped glutes or something.

Why bother even sitting down at all if you can wipe while standing?

coupe69 · 15 Aug 2011 at 02:11

How to wipe your butt

It's crucial to remain seated!!

Bennie-Mac · 15 Aug 2011 at 02:11

arknor said:
you have ever tried it? unless your over weight its easy crouch down then stand up sraight, see if you notice the gap between your cheeks spreading/contracting? mine doesnt maybe i dont have a fat ass so the gap stays relatively stable? making it just as easy if not easier to whipe standing up because then i dont risk wee dripping on my hand

Are you saying that your anus is on display 24/7? Surely everyones cheeks close when you stand up hence why it's called your arse crack and not an arse canyon :confused:

It sounds to me like you have no need to sit while having a poo, the whole point of sitting is to spread your cheeks so you don't get poo on them.

Shikarilol · 15 Aug 2011 at 02:12

WHY WOULD YOU STAND UP? THIS IS MADNESS!

kylew · 15 Aug 2011 at 02:13

Bennie-Mac said:
Are you saying that your anus is on display 24/7? Surely everyones cheeks close when you stand up hence why it's called your arse crack and not an arse canyon

Tears have just left my eyes.