Not normally a place I'd ask for this type of advice, but there you go. I offer this situation to the wisdom of the crowd in hopes of a sensible-ish solution emerging!
Basically I'm a member of an organisation I contribute a lot of time and resources to. Last week it came to light from a friend there that someone senior had told him 'in confidence' that I'd been booted out of a similar institution for 'malicious gossip/bad conduct'. This is blatantly false - an outright lie.
The gent concerned knew this, so after some deliberation decided to tell me so that I was aware of these allegations and so that I could watch my back. He asked me not to raise the issue with anyone, as it would then be obvious that he'd broken the initial confidence.
My issue is thus: I'm perfectly innocent of these allegations, and can prove it. As such, ironically the senior person concerned is themselves guilty of spreading malicious gossip, regardless of how 'in confidence' it was. Clearly their intention was that it would go no further, but that my reputation would be forever - wrongly - sullied in that other person's eyes.
Thus the dilemma. After much inner turmoil I've decided that I should take the two people concerned into a meeting with two independent witnesses who are also senior in the organisation. There I plan to calmly lay bare the facts and ask that the record be set straight and essentially (1) expose the true malicious gossiper, but consequently (2) show that our mutual friend has broken the initial 'confidence' in coming clean to me.
In my eyes, the guy knew I was innocent of the alleged 'offence' and was honourable enough to let me know what was being said. I found it offensive that I was pouring time, money and resources into this organisation while at least one senior official was slating me behind my back. However I'm torn. I can't abide liars, politics and bad feeling. As such as an innocent/wronged party I have no issues clearing this up. However my friend is obviously in a bad place now, as he'll be getting grief off the senior party concerned for letting me in on what was said about me.
I say it's a shame, but so what? If that's the type of person they are then who cares if they don't like being outed for what they are? Obviously it feels a little more delicate and personal than that from my mate's perspective.
Your thoughts oh wise ones?
Basically I'm a member of an organisation I contribute a lot of time and resources to. Last week it came to light from a friend there that someone senior had told him 'in confidence' that I'd been booted out of a similar institution for 'malicious gossip/bad conduct'. This is blatantly false - an outright lie.
The gent concerned knew this, so after some deliberation decided to tell me so that I was aware of these allegations and so that I could watch my back. He asked me not to raise the issue with anyone, as it would then be obvious that he'd broken the initial confidence.
My issue is thus: I'm perfectly innocent of these allegations, and can prove it. As such, ironically the senior person concerned is themselves guilty of spreading malicious gossip, regardless of how 'in confidence' it was. Clearly their intention was that it would go no further, but that my reputation would be forever - wrongly - sullied in that other person's eyes.
Thus the dilemma. After much inner turmoil I've decided that I should take the two people concerned into a meeting with two independent witnesses who are also senior in the organisation. There I plan to calmly lay bare the facts and ask that the record be set straight and essentially (1) expose the true malicious gossiper, but consequently (2) show that our mutual friend has broken the initial 'confidence' in coming clean to me.
In my eyes, the guy knew I was innocent of the alleged 'offence' and was honourable enough to let me know what was being said. I found it offensive that I was pouring time, money and resources into this organisation while at least one senior official was slating me behind my back. However I'm torn. I can't abide liars, politics and bad feeling. As such as an innocent/wronged party I have no issues clearing this up. However my friend is obviously in a bad place now, as he'll be getting grief off the senior party concerned for letting me in on what was said about me.
I say it's a shame, but so what? If that's the type of person they are then who cares if they don't like being outed for what they are? Obviously it feels a little more delicate and personal than that from my mate's perspective.
Your thoughts oh wise ones?
