The last embarrassing thing you got caught doing

Last Saturday I was heading to Brighton with my girlfriend to get her hair done at some fancy hairdresser's, just before getting on the train I felt like I needed to do a silent fart but wasn't sure so I did the alpha thing and gambled (big mistake :(). I felt the beginning of what felt like diarrhea pass the point of no return, so I calmly but 'quickly' John Wayne walked it to the train station toilets. I quickly shuffled into the best looking toilet cubicle (with a lock on) and to my delight It looked like an orangutan had, had a scat party in there.

So I went into festival mode and squatted over the toilet seat and emptied my bowels. It went everywhere :(, so I had to clean up everything as best I could in roughly five minutes, considering the situation I did a blinding job of cleaning up what looked like a curry spillage. After scrubbing my 3/4 cargo shorts, boxers and hands raw, I came clean to my girlfriend about what had just occurred followed by her ****ing herself laughing, she did give me the option of going home but she would have missed her apointment so I spent the whole day with fresh skid marks :mad::(.
 
Last edited:
Coming home tonight in the car I came to a junction where you have to mix in and I took the initiative over what looked like a boy racer car and pushed in a bit.
Has we drove down to the traffic lights I'm now on the right, he is on the left and I can see him out of the corner of my eye staying by my side and shouting at me but I'd got metal on full blast.
I kept ignoring him but he must have heard how loud my music was and took that into consideration.
Anyway he drives a little in front where I can't ignore him and he's basically shouting at me and he looks a bit big & rough and half my age.
I turned down my music, lowers my passenger window and shout 'What's up?'
He shouts 'I think your driver door is open'
:D

It was.
 
My story goes like this..

My wife was 13 days overdue, to have our first child. Wed tried everything to get the baby shifted.. Sex, up and down stairs, bumpy roads and the age old hot curry. I'm a man who likes a hot curry, however what follows was a combination of dodgy curry and exhaustion!

She spent 26 hours in the labour ward trying to get the baby out.. I'd managed to stay awake but I was so close to collapse I knew I needed to take a rest soon. Anyway, a doctor arrives and recommends a epidural, (something that she was dead against), and advises her to try and get some rest while it takes affect.

Throughout all this i'd supressed several small farts. There were 10 people in the room at various points due to complications, and letting out a Godzilla-room-filler wasn't an option. Each time I supressed one, I could feel the pressure building.. Each one harder to stop than the last.

Just as things seem to calm down, I can feel myself slipping, falling to sleep on the chair next to the bed. I ask the nurse if she minds me putting my feet up for five minutes.. "no, make yourself comfortable" she exclaims. Great.

As I nod off, the very moment I relax, my arse opens and unloads the last 26hrs of fart, which then causes me to bolt upright, fall off the chair.. The mother in law to burst out laughing and the nurse to leave the room.

I don't think I farted for a whole week after that :D
 
Not particularly embarrassing but the other day at work I did my usual afternoon routine of putting some tunes on - plug headphones in, fire up WMP, choose an album (101 Power Ballads), away we go.

So I'm sat there thinking "this sounds a bit tinny", so start fiddling with the headphone cable (one earphone connection is a bit dodgy, you know how they get after a few years). Not much joy so I start turning up the volume. That's better, but not quite there.

It then dawns on me about 20s or so later that the sound isn't actually coming out of my headphones, but rather from my laptop. Yes, because in their infinitite wisdom HP decided to put the headphone socket right next to the microphone socket, with some silly little black-on-black icon next to it that is impossible to see.

Still, 101 Power Ballads, can't be that embarrassing, right?
End result: The office got to hear me listening to "Left Outside Alone" by Anastasia :/
 
The most embarrassing and also most shameful thing I've ever been caught doing was going at it with my mate's ex, who he'd only just broken up with and was still seeing on and off, at his house, on his parent's bed. Safe to say I thought I was a dead man when he caught us, but I think he was more upset than angry. Amazingly, he forgave me eventually and we're mates again now.
 
I had two mates round a year or so back when I lived at home and was showing them Chat Roulette and for some reason I got naked and just stood on cam pulling a mangina then my mum walked in...
 
Back
Top Bottom