Last Saturday I was heading to Brighton with my girlfriend to get her hair done at some fancy hairdresser's, just before getting on the train I felt like I needed to do a silent fart but wasn't sure so I did the alpha thing and gambled (big mistake
). I felt the beginning of what felt like diarrhea pass the point of no return, so I calmly but 'quickly' John Wayne walked it to the train station toilets. I quickly shuffled into the best looking toilet cubicle (with a lock on) and to my delight It looked like an orangutan had, had a scat party in there.
So I went into festival mode and squatted over the toilet seat and emptied my bowels. It went everywhere
, so I had to clean up everything as best I could in roughly five minutes, considering the situation I did a blinding job of cleaning up what looked like a curry spillage. After scrubbing my 3/4 cargo shorts, boxers and hands raw, I came clean to my girlfriend about what had just occurred followed by her ****ing herself laughing, she did give me the option of going home but she would have missed her apointment so I spent the whole day with fresh skid marks 
.

So I went into festival mode and squatted over the toilet seat and emptied my bowels. It went everywhere



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