Stupid reason to break up?

Zero Pope · 5 Dec 2011 at 17:49

Next time she says she is going to talk to the ex tell her to stay there. If she isnt willing to talk things through then she isnt worth the time tbh.

unwashed potato! · 5 Dec 2011 at 17:51

[TW]Fox;20726234 said:
She clearly liked the guy for several years - they decided they were not right together so ended it but why shouldn't he remain a friend?

is that what happened/happens though? maybe for you but definitely not every break up. i've seen many relationships, in fact most relationships, that end because they did something stupid, but they still clearly want to be together and perhaps would if they were around.

some people when they get together make a commitment in their mind they'll only want that person even if something better comes along, and even if they break up and find someone else one night when drunk, that commitment can still be there and in this case it kind of appears that it still is. cutting all ties would eventually get rid of that connection they still have.

it's also possible that the ex still wants her, and it's obvious he has an influence in her life so he could very easily twist a few things and make mountains out of mole hills when she comes complaining about the op and she'll listen.

Tummy · 5 Dec 2011 at 17:52

oooh! One of these threads

People are capable of maintaining relationships with ex partners.

Locky · 5 Dec 2011 at 17:52

Your gf still has feelings for her ex, end of.

Cupra · 5 Dec 2011 at 17:54

Tummy said:
oooh! One of these threads

People are capable of maintaining relationships with ex partners.

i did when i was married, i was banging her tho so maybe the op should think about that

Brookert · 5 Dec 2011 at 18:01

Your ALPHA status is being damaged by this ex.

end him...............

^TANK^ · 5 Dec 2011 at 18:06

Talk to her first! If she still thinks there is nothing wrong with confiding in her ex boyfriend before you, then kick her to the curb.

Kenai · 5 Dec 2011 at 18:09

[TW]Fox;20726234 said:
Personally I find the notion that people cannot and should not be friends with ex's a bit odd really. She clearly liked the guy for several years - they decided they were not right together so ended it but why shouldnt he remain a friend? You dont have to sever all ties with somebody when you move on, you should have enough trust in her to not be worried about this.

There is maintaining a friendly relationship with an ex and there is repeatedly choosing to confide in them over and above your current partner, that's where the line is crossed IMO.

praedor · 5 Dec 2011 at 18:11

I think it's a very weird situation, not knowing about their relationship and how it ended it's a difficult one. I'm great friends with one of my ex's, but we were always more friends than partners anyway and it was only a few months of going out not two years.

I can picture the convo's your having, you tell her your not comfortable, she says you should trust her, your left a) in the same place feeling down about it all b) you put your foot down, tell her it's you or him, she chooses him because you should trust her and not make her choose, so no gf and feeling miserable/looking like a jerk or c) you walk away from the situation, be amiable, and find a situation your happy in.

I'd pick C

[TW]Fox · 5 Dec 2011 at 18:14

Kenai said:
There is maintaining a friendly relationship with an ex and there is repeatedly choosing to confide in them over and above your current partner, that's where the line is crossed IMO.

Thats not what I read as happening:

thing. Whenever my girlfriend has problems/feels sad/stress she talks to me about it but she always talks to her ex about this

ie, she doesnt talk to her ex in favour of him.

Brookert · 5 Dec 2011 at 18:17

There should be a level where the ex isn't allowed.

Confiding about close things to two people (especially an ex!!) is crossing the line end of...

You are meant to be the closest person to her (excluding family).

utajoker · 5 Dec 2011 at 19:04

tell her your talking to your ex about problems see how she reacts.

Ahleckz · 5 Dec 2011 at 19:11

Brookert said:
There should be a level where the ex isn't allowed.

Confiding about close things to two people (especially an ex!!) is crossing the line end of...

You are meant to be the closest person to her (excluding family).

What, so she can only talk to you about any problem? You have a very naive sense of women if you think she doesn't speak to various other people about 'close things'.

Boys on this forum are so controlling, I can only assume it is because of their insecurity.

tidusjar · 5 Dec 2011 at 19:13

She feels more comfortable talking with her ex than you....

You need to talk to her and sort that **** out.

FishFluff · 5 Dec 2011 at 19:17

[TW]Fox;20726234 said:
Personally I find the notion that people cannot and should not be friends with ex's a bit odd really. She clearly liked the guy for several years - they decided they were not right together so ended it but why shouldnt he remain a friend? You dont have to sever all ties with somebody when you move on, you should have enough trust in her to not be worried about this.

On the other hand it clearly bothers this dude, his girlfriend knows this yet does it anyway. If my girlfriend asked me not to do something that really wound her up I wouldn't do it.

Deleted member 77746 · 5 Dec 2011 at 19:21

.Lethal · 5 Dec 2011 at 19:22

Brookert said:
Long answer: Does she not realise how undermining it is being compared to an ex? Is she stupid or what? Your deserve better than that, someone who appreciates you.

Short answer: Get rid

Saves me writing it.

Hedge · 5 Dec 2011 at 19:22

Ahleckz said:
What, so she can only talk to you about any problem? You have a very naive sense of women if you think she doesn't speak to various other people about 'close things'.

Boys on this forum are so controlling, I can only assume it is because of their insecurity.

I think you are naive if you don't think keeping personal contact with exs isnt a recipe for disaster. All contact I ever kept with exes came round to sex. Even People who divorce after many years and with kids mostly have sense to keep contact down to a minimum.

Ahleckz · 5 Dec 2011 at 19:26

Hedge said:
I think you are naive if you don't think keeping personal contact with exs isnt a recipe for disaster. All contact I ever kept with exes came round to sex. Even People who divorce after many years and with kids mostly have sense to keep contact down to a minimum.

Totally depends on the situation, I know people that have remained friends (infact, it helped their friendship!) after divorcing and know plenty of people who broke up with people and remain friends.

The fact that you can't do it just scream immaturity.

J-FRO · 5 Dec 2011 at 19:27

Definitely get rid. Seems like too much emotional attachment to the ex to me.