Aren't you the bloke suffering domestic abuse from the thread last week?
Is the state of your relationship maybe partly to do with your depression?
Yes that was me. We're going through hell sometimes and other times it's nice and quiet. I don't completely blame her like i let on last week and i know i could better myself do more to help the situation. You are definitely onto something though when you say the state of the relationship is partly due to my depression. I wouldn't call it full on suicidal depression because i can see what the near future holds and i find it exciting just thinking about it, but then these worries hit me and the excitement fades away again.
How can you look your wife and son in the eye?
Why have a child at all if you can't support your family.
I should have mentioned that i was in full time work when the baby was conceived. The contract came to an end just as the baby was due. I was also on good money taking home £600-£700 a week some weeks. The baby wasn't planned but we both wanted kids anyway, just not so soon. Life rarely pans out as you expect. I can understand your anger. I expect it and i know even my own family must be thinking the same thing being as every one of them are in work.
One question unless I read it wrong did your misses have a job or did you both stay at home for that 3 year period?
She did some part time hairdressing 3 days a week, but i was at home all the time.
What kind of 'dole' have you been on the last 3 years? JSA tends to be the likely choice but that would mean that you have been available for full time work for 3 years as well so you would have to have regular interviews about looking for work etc but that would mean you have been purposefully not working all this time and lying to the system.
Or were you on ESA/IB because of depression? Which would mean you wouldn't have to actively seek work but then you have been saying you have been depressed for 3 years.
Kudos to realising you need to sort yourself out and I can understand that returning to work can become terrifying after a long time of being unable to work, but you clearly were for a period at least more than able to work and still chose to keep lying and you must have suspected at some point that you really need to sort yourself out.
I understand I may seem harsher than others in here but just trying to establish the backstory.
Yes, i was originally on contribution based JSA, then moved over to Income based JSA. I'll be 100% honest here in that i did absolutely bugger all to apply for any jobs in the whole 3 year period. I did go back to college to get my 17th edition certificate for electrical installation which i paid for off my credit card, and i did go to the CV classes where they show you how to prepare and improve your CV, but i didn't apply for any jobs whatsoever.
When i first started signing on i quite enjoyed it being at home watching my kid grow up. The first noises, the first steps, the first words, i don't regret it one bit by being off work for that period of time. It has only been in the last 6 months or so that's it's really hit hard that i need to sort it all out. I'm by no means proud of what i've done, and i feel like a complete scrounger by doing what i've done. I just appreciate that i can see the errors of my ways and want to do something about it. It's a pitty many more doley's can't feel the same.
Where as i was milking it for all i could get, blagging the job applications, lying on the job search forms and interviews, i've actually come to a time where i will be asking for them to put me on some voluntary work or extra training that some jobs in my field require. I'm bored of being at home. I knew it would come sooner or later, i've been through it before, but never been off work this long before which is why i'm finding it so hard.
Thank you very much gentlemen. It's been an absolute pleasure in reading some of the thoughtful replies. I just need to stop being so self pitying and do some of the things suggested. I've done voluntary work before driving a van around collecting clothes from peoples houses to sell in the charity shops. It was ok, Got me out and about until i needed more money and moved into paid work instead.
