The all new bad joke thread

Soldato
Joined
30 Dec 2004
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Worcestershire
I've just entered a lottery competition to win a luxury cruise in the Mediterranean...........................last week was a rollover.....

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An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case the need arose. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so, the call went out to all the country.

Finally a Scot was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds & US dollars.

A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again.

After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card & a jar of sweets.

The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab this time did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab & asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me a BMW, diamonds & money... But you only gave me a thank-you card & a jar of sweets".

To this the Arab replied: "Aye, but I now have Scottish blood in my veins".
 
If the gays were allowed in the army in WW2, then Saving Private Ryan would never have been made. No way would it take a bunch of gays 3 hours to find Matt Damon.
 
Man walks into a model shop.

"Hi do you have any models of that sunken cruise liner?"

"Yes we do."

"Great, I'll just nip to the cash machine - I'll be back soon. Can you put it on one side for me?"
 
My 18-year-old step daughter came downstairs this evening and asked if she could go out dressed in little more than a miniskirt and bikini top. "Of course you can! Have fun!" I said. After she'd gone, my wife glared at me and said "The trouble with you is you're going soft."

How wrong she was.
 
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