Venting about the ex... :/

MamaMia · 15 Feb 2012 at 19:59

Could also set up a trust fund for the child, that way the money goes to the child when the child becomes of age.

J1234 · 15 Feb 2012 at 20:02

hurfdurf said:
Does that really matter at this point other than to further criticise the OP for previous life choices?

That's the problem with how society deals with the poor and uneducated, they would rather sit back and criticise the past than deal with what we have ended up with.

Nope, but it's a good warning to anyone else looking to make babies with a crazy.

fez · 15 Feb 2012 at 20:05

hurfdurf said:
Does that really matter at this point other than to further criticise the OP for previous life choices?

That's the problem with how society deals with the poor and uneducated, they would rather sit back and criticise the past than deal with what we have ended up with.

Yep, fix the problem, don't try and prevent the issue... Ahh that well known saying "cure is better than prevention".

Its our willingness to always pick up the pieces that leads the "poor and uneducated" to do as they please without serious consequence.

ringo747 · 15 Feb 2012 at 20:08

She sounds a bit mad. More importantly why on earth do people have kid within a year of meeting someone. Ok it maybe wasn't planned but this really leaves the poor kids with a terrible start to life. What a mess to be born into.

mollymoo · 15 Feb 2012 at 20:14

shadesofgrey said:
If you were going through CSA (who will be sending you letters soon and start taking money out of your wage slip, regardless about what you say about giving her money) they would not actually give her the money, it would go towards part of her benefits.

This isn't a given (though she does seem the type granted), but she can just opt out of the csa becoming involved, they only get involved when there is a dispute over money, they then set an amount to be paid, but only if she contacts them, even if she is on benefits.

Threepwood · 15 Feb 2012 at 20:14

MamaMia said:
Could also set up a trust fund for the child, that way the money goes to the child when the child becomes of age.

Only if she is not on benefits

If she is, they 100% expect money from the father to go towards them.

but she can just opt out of the csa becoming involved, they only get involved when there is a dispute over money, they then set an amount to be paid, but only if she contacts them, even if she is on benefits.

Not if she is on benefits mate. She cant opt out and the powers that be will get involved, regardless of what the mother wants. The state will 100% expect him to pay part of his wage to go towards her benefits.

mollymoo · 15 Feb 2012 at 20:16

ringo747 said:
She sounds a bit mad. More importantly why on earth do people have kid within a year of meeting someone. Ok it maybe wasn't planned but this really leaves the poor kids with a terrible start to life. What a mess to be born into.

Very true, me and the missus split up only to fing out two days later that she was pregnant. We got back together but five years down the line and we're ready to split up again. We stay together for the kids but it's hard and I wonder how it will pan out. So yes people should really put a bit more thought into it.

mollymoo · 15 Feb 2012 at 20:17

shadesofgrey said:
Not if she is on benefits mate. She cant opt out and the powers that be will get involved, regardless of what the mother wants. The state will 100% expect him to pay part of his wage to go towards her benefits.

She can, trust me, I shall go and find where I read it.

mollymoo · 15 Feb 2012 at 20:19

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/ChildMaintenance/Arrangingchildmaintenance/DG_199174

Child maintenance and benefits

Since October 2008, all parents have been able to choose how to arrange child maintenance, even if they're on benefits.

Also, since April 2010 parents with care can keep all child maintenance paid to them and this should no longer affect their income-related benefits.

Threepwood · 15 Feb 2012 at 20:20

Going from experience here, the state will go through CSA, CSA will demand money from his wage and that money will go towards part of her benefits.

Even if the mother does not want them to.

MamaMia · 15 Feb 2012 at 20:20

shadesofgrey said:
Only if she is not on benefits

If she is, they 100% expect money from the father to go towards them.

Not if she is on benefits mate. She cant opt out and the powers that be will get involved, regardless of what the mother wants. The state will 100% expect him to pay part of his wage to go towards her benefits.

Read the FAQ on Gov Child Trust Fund:

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTa...d/AnintroductiontotheChildTrustFund/DG_193690

DanTheMan · 15 Feb 2012 at 20:31

From my maths, she was pregnant within 6 months of you two getting together? I know the kid is not the point of this thread but I'm sure there is a correlation between couples who have kids soon after meeting and turbulent relationships.

Threepwood · 15 Feb 2012 at 20:32

mollymoo said:
Also, since April 2010 parents with care can keep all child maintenance paid to them and this should no longer affect their income-related benefits.

Hmmm. Interesting, tho I dont like that 'should' word.

Guess I'll be seeking advice into where the child maintainance that I've been paying since april 2010 has been going :confused:

I know 100% that my eldest's mum has not been recieving it. Funny thing I also know that she never got CSA involved, but granted that was before 2008.

Gonna be ****ed if the money hasn't even been going to them! :eek:

NeoReloaded · 15 Feb 2012 at 20:36

Just so you guys know who think I'm a moron who launched one up a girl I only knew a year without precaution we have know each other for 7 and a half years since the end of school and she had an operation when she was younger that went a bit wrong which meant she was supposed to be barren (great wording) and no she actually wasn't lying about that unless her whole family and friends were in on it...

fez · 15 Feb 2012 at 20:37

DanTheMan said:
From my maths, she was pregnant within 6 months of you two getting together? I know the kid is not the point of this thread but I'm sure there is a correlation between couples who have kids soon after meeting and turbulent relationships.

I don't know about that. I think its a lot more likely that a hell of a lot of relationships are turbulent and would never work regardless of a child being involved. A child just places even more strain on an already shaky relationship.

Threepwood · 15 Feb 2012 at 20:40

NeoReloaded said:
she had an operation when she was younger that went a bit wrong which meant she was supposed to be barren (great wording) and no she actually wasn't lying about that unless her whole family and friends were in on it...

Haha, same thing happened to me. Twice.

Moral of the story;

Use a condom no matter what; our super sperm can get anything pregant!

roadend1981 · 15 Feb 2012 at 20:41

If I was you, I would have a test to actually see whether the kid is actually yours, she could have been a **** from the start.

NeoReloaded · 15 Feb 2012 at 20:44

roadend1981 said:
If I was you, I would have a test to actually see whether the kid is actually yours, she could have been a **** from the start.

If he didn't look the spit of me or have my strange habbits from when I was a baby I would

theNude · 15 Feb 2012 at 20:44

I don't think its really fair to pick up on the fact they had a child early in their relationship.

The poor bloke has just been cheated on and has had to move out, dude that sucks and I will give you some sympathy at least!

It sounds like she is not a nice girl if she started to lie and go off with random guys, perhaps drugs playing a part of it? As you mentioned mood change etc?

Just make sure your son is safe and that you ensure that you keep in his life.. the woman you can forget about and replace but not your kid.

Be sure to get down the GUM clinic before your next girl as your ex sounds like a herpes bank!

KatanaDV20 · 15 Feb 2012 at 21:10

Sorry to hear this OP but its good that you have kept your cool. Do not DO NOT let her see you angry or worked up about this. There is no sweeter revenge than for her to see you all smiles (fake it if you have to). Seeing you in a state is just what she wants. Dont give it to her.