Looks like divorce - can anyone offer advice or their experiences?

TheBigCheese

TheBigCheese

TheBigCheese

Soldato
Joined
6 Sep 2005
Posts
3,783
Hi guys

No, thankfully it's not for me but a family member.

Divorce is completely new to all involved so there is zero experience to draw from.

I don't want to say too much in case the hubby reads this so I'll have to keep it vague.

I know it will vary in every case but does anyone have any idea about what could happen if a couple divorce and there is a teenage dependent (< 16) involved.

Custody wouldn't be a problem, it's more in terms of what would happen with the house, assets and savings, would one partner have to move out etc.? The house is fully owned and there aren't any outstanding debts in joint names.

It would be on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour, a general breakdown of communication, unwillingness to address those problems, veiled threats of violence and aggression taken out on inanimate objects in the house rather than people (which is a blessing I suppose). This isn't new so don't judge on what I've written, it's been going on for a decade or more and is worse now than it's ever been, as with everything, there is far more to it than I am willing to write here.

I think a family solicitor will need to be involved with divorce cases, but how do you go about finding a 'good' one?

The first step I think would be speaking to a solicitor when a good one is found...any idea on the sort of costs involved...as a rule do they offer initial advice at a reduced rate to see if it's viable (I doubt free is in a solicitors vocab).

I'm very tired and posting before bed so I hope this post makes sense!
Also could only those with experience in the matters post please, this is confusing enough without people posting their best guesses or raging about how unfair the system is.

Thanks, really appreciate it!
 
I'm going to break your one rule, sorry, but it is GD.....

If they can agree to amicably split everything that would make the most sense in my mind though, save the hassle of solicitors....

kd
 
Last edited:
Fact 1 - no point fighting the divorce, you will just drag it out and the end result will ultimately be the same - Divorced.

Fact 2 - It is always in the best interest of the child. The courts almost always favour the mother. The father has to show extreme circumstances in order to get custody.

You can do it without solicitors but there will be a LOT of legal jargon and ultimately it is not written in layman terms. I would get one, just remember not to argue over stupid things like possessions that you can replace from IKEA. The more you argue, the less money gets split and more goes to your and his solicitors.
 
Last edited:
Thanks for the replies, unfortunately that doesn't look possible one half has already started moving joint account funds into a personal account before its even been decided on as the course if action... a pretty aggressive move.
 
unreasonable behaviour, a general breakdown of communication, unwillingness to address those problems
Click to expand...

The ex-wife (we were married 5yrs) and I split for precisely these reasons. However our situation was very very different and just not the norm. For a start we have known each other from when we were 5yrs old. The split was also extremely amicable - we still hang out and chat: and thats actually what caused the split - we were best mates BEFORE marriage and kinda stayed mates in the marriage....and ended up living like roomies with no chemistry at all. Realized we were wastin each others time and parted company. Despite me knowing it was for the best it was not easy at all and initially I was in denial. No doubt this member of your family is facing similar feelings.

I wish I could help more but we dont have any children and so it was real easy for us, your family members situation is immediately far more complex because of the offspring involved.

What I would really advice them to do is: try their best not to get into shouting matches or whatever, it helps no one. Stay calm and talk nicely. My ex and I did this and you wont believe how much it helped. Divorce is not an easy situation - why make it more complex with additional stressors like getting worked up etc.

Every couple facing divorce must remember: at one point you loved him/her. Now the end has come - best to leave with respect and calmness. Don't let the final memories of living together be agonizing.

Im not just blabbing - I did these things and Im here to say it helps massively.
 
And yes, some high street firms do offer the initial consultation free but that is not enough to go through the entire divorce with. For a start, do you know the difference between a Decree Nisi and a Decree Absolute? There are many many steps, more complicated now as it appears that money is being moved.
 
Last edited:
TheBigCheese said:
Thanks for the replies, unfortunately that doesn't look possible one half has already started moving joint account funds into a personal account before its even been decided on as the course if action... a pretty aggressive move.
Click to expand...

This is a terrible idea and is one of the reasons a solicitor should be sought.
 
Speak to a solicitor. My friend got devoured last year all started of amicably. The more they started to split down there estate it turned really nasty.
A solicitor may not be cheap but worth it in this case I think.
 
http://www.divorce-online.co.uk/

Managed mine for a fraction of the cost of getting Solicitors involved!!..

They get all the relevant paperwork from the Courts, You sign them, They send them back for 'rubber stamping'... done... no hassle!

Solicitors (in my opinion) drag things out to get more money, as they charge by the hour, by the letter, and even by the email!!!
 
Lots of info at www.wikivorce.com/

Split of assets will start from 50:50 (cash, house, pensions). It's important to have a good record of what these are. Often what will happen is either one party will keep the house and the other gets more of everything else, or a charge is put on the house so the party that moves out gets their share when the children reach 18, another partner moves in or the house is sold.

You can freeze all joint accounts - immediately instruct the banks that all withdrawls must be signed by both signatories.

Try to avoid solicitors, but get the consent order signed off in court. Without getting it done in court, it has no force beyond an agreement that one party can renege on at any time.
 
You MUST get a solicitor involved. Divorces just like deaths bring out the worse characteristics in people. Its a natural thing to do, survival instincts take over. (hence the moving of funds).

There are so many tricks that you will not be aware of that a solicitor will be (such as using off shore bank accounts) which may not be disclosed by the other party. This is important when everything is divided. People who agree to the final package may have even considered a whole range of issues. Others may not even be bothered.

Is the other party self employed? If so, he MAY manipulate his/her earnings to limit the level a monthly maintenance owed.

The grounds in divorce must show a serious breakdown in the relationship.
 
+1 to solictors. In this case it doesn't seem that amicability will come into it at all. To answer one of your questions, where there is a mother and dependent child(ren) involved they will 100% get to stay living in the home together. At least until they get to 18 anyway.
 
grumpysculler said:
Lots of info at www.wikivorce.com/

Split of assets will start from 50:50 (cash, house, pensions). It's important to have a good record of what these are. Often what will happen is either one party will keep the house and the other gets more of everything else, or a charge is put on the house so the party that moves out gets their share when the children reach 18, another partner moves in or the house is sold.

You can freeze all joint accounts - immediately instruct the banks that all withdrawls must be signed by both signatories.

Try to avoid solicitors, but get the consent order signed off in court. Without getting it done in court, it has no force beyond an agreement that one party can renege on at any time.
Click to expand...

This is terrible advice. There may be some situations where the divorce is mutual and non-contentious with no complex asset issues, and in those cases reading a few books would be fine, but they are rare!

Avoiding professional help means you have to get mired down in understanding technicalities and going through the procedures (that make up a lawyer's working day) yourself, while presumably still holding down your own job. Your spouse will probably get a lawyer, in which case you are going up against someone who has handled dozens of divorces, who knows the system much better than you, and who has no emotional fragility clouding their decisions. If your spouse decides to play hard-ball, this could get tough for you.
 
Raymond Lin said:
You can do it without solicitors but there will be a LOT of legal jargon and ultimately it is not written in layman terms.
Click to expand...

Now why would that be? I mean it couldn't possibly be to make it almost a requirement to involve solicitors, would it?

Much as I hate to line the pockets of solicitors with the muddy scenario described by the OP it may be for the best.
 
The easiest devoice i ever heard of was my own. We had no kids and we just split everything 50/50 and not got the lawyer involved.
 
LordSplodge said:
Now why would that be? I mean it couldn't possibly be to make it almost a requirement to involve solicitors, would it?

Much as I hate to line the pockets of solicitors with the muddy scenario described by the OP it may be for the best.
Click to expand...

That is why solicitors are there in the first place! I think people misunderstand things such as Court costs. If you fail to deal with something then you will be penalised. You may also have to pay for the other partys costs as a result of your failings.

Lining the pockets of solicitors? That would be like saying "I want my car to be fixed properly, I could try to do it myself but may cause further damage to my car, but I dont want to line the pocket of the mechanic?". :confused:

Divorce is a very stressful time even in the most amicable of scenarios, why put yourself through the burden of trying to grasp the intricacies of matrimonial law just to prevent the lining of anthers pockets?

The cost of legal fees may be outweighed by the amount awarded by the courts when everything is divided anyway.
 
LordSplodge said:
Now why would that be? I mean it couldn't possibly be to make it almost a requirement to involve solicitors, would it?

Much as I hate to line the pockets of solicitors with the muddy scenario described by the OP it may be for the best.
Click to expand...

You can do a lot things in law yourself too.

Conveyancing for a start. Do you know what is a SIM search is? Do you know what section D of office copies refers to?

Pursuing a personal injury claim in court, in any amount. Say you are crippled in an accident at work. Do you know the limitation period for issuing? Or how to draft a PPO in settlement? Or how to fill in an allocation questionnare? Or what is a Smith v Manchester award?

You can do all that yourself, if you know how. But do you know how? And do you know how deep and complicated the process can get? From conveyancing or divorce proceedings.
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom