Leaving an emotional abuser

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Vidar said:
due to the way the nhs student bursary works I'm classed as a dependant adult so get an allowance alongside the kids for being so.... but because they class it as a low income I am exempt from course fee's etc as though I'm still on job seekers, the bursary also pays for 85% of the day care fee's for both children....
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How would it work if you were to leave? I think this is where the advice above to seek advice from student services comes in. Could you leave and be on your own two feet?
 
hello chap,

I am in the same boat as you, my wife who i have been with for the last 7 years is the same.

She controlls me in every way. I'm police officer and when i'm at work she rings, texts me about 100+ in 8hrs and if i dont answer her within seconds she gets in a strop!, she now rings the non emergency numbers and ask's if im working and if so tell'em to ring her now!. This is getting me in trouble now at work and could cost me my job!...

When i do get home she moans at me for not texting, ringing her back but she don't understand what she is doing!, i've tried to tell her. She dose nothing around the house and i've got to do it all even tho she dont work!, On my days off i spend most of it claring the house up and she just sits there! watching TV!...

When i tried to go out with my work mates for a drink she is always ringing, texting me asking what am i doing, who am i with!. The other day she reported me missing to the police even tho she knew where i was and who i was with!, yet again this is not looking good for me and my job!.

She keeps on telling me its all my fault!, why she is like this, even tho i aint done nothing to her!, she now starting to hit me and mentally abusing me now!.

I cant take it any more now and i'm going to leave her, i'm in the middle of sorting it out with someone to stay with!.. But out of all that i'm still in-love with her but i know i cant be with her any more for my health and mind!.
 
Sgt, being a police officer, you'll know about your local designated 'place of safety'. That's where you can detain someone under the Mental Health Act. If she's interfering with you, your professional life and the police department where you are from, you ought to get one of your officers (not yourself) to turn her in. Sounds like a section 2 to me, possibly leading to a section 3. She definitely has a personality disorder which falls under mental health.
 
Sgt Tackleberry - just curious, how does she react when you mention things like the state of the house?
 
Monserrat said:
Sgt, being a police officer, you'll know about your local designated 'place of safety'. That's where you can detain someone under the Mental Health Act. If she's interfering with you, your professional life and the police department where you are from, you ought to get one of your officers (not yourself) to turn her in. Sounds like a section 2 to me, possibly leading to a section 3. She definitely has a personality disorder which falls under mental health.
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I know, i see it on a day to day in my job!, but like i hear from other domestic jobs i cant do that to him/her, i know where they are coming from now!.... But it is getting to that point where soemthing has to be done now!..
 
Sorry to hear this,as said I'm sure you'll beable to sort this,start a fresh life without her,I'm sure its not good for your little ones to see and feel all this tension in the household,and once you split away from the Mrs,I'm sure the kids will be better seeing you without there mum.

One thing is for certain,this experience will make you a far better person.

Good luck, and remember life is full of obstacles,lifes one big game,some moves you make maybe wrong,but like chess, one good move and your back on track.
 
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Domo said:
Sgt Tackleberry - just curious, how does she react when you mention things like the state of the house?
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She blames me for it and gose off on one!, she says "if i was hear and not working it would be a lot more better, i want you to quit your job and be hear all the time!"... I sorry but no why should i leave a really good job what i LOVE.

She used to work, she use to be a manager of New look but she left after our second child was born with a serious heart condition!. He is better now, he had an OP 2yrs ago and mad a full recovery :).
 
thing is just do it.. when you leave her you WILL HAVE TO sort everything out and stand up on your own.. this is what she thinks you are unable to do, so leave her as its totally stupid to be in a relationship like this and be unhappy and just move on you will sort it out no matter what! will be hard but it will get sorted for sure.
 
Another difficult situation - I think you seem to be in a better position financially than Darth Vader (Remeber that thread Vidar? :) ) - so you can at least make a break of it. Not that I think you're in any way fortunate.

Monserrat is usually good value, but in this case I think it seems at best worrying that you'd get one of your work mates to section your wife. No matter how much it seems like the right thing to do, because of your job it seems wrong.

Does she show remorse after an episode? During remorse could you say to her that you insist she gets psychiatric help? It's all I can think of rather than throwing it all away.
 
The Halk said:
Another difficult situation - I think you seem to be in a better position financially than Darth Vader (Remeber that thread Vidar? :) ) - so you can at least make a break of it. Not that I think you're in any way fortunate.

Monserrat is usually good value, but in this case I think it seems at best worrying that you'd get one of your work mates to section your wife. No matter how much it seems like the right thing to do, because of your job it seems wrong.

Does she show remorse after an episode? During remorse could you say to her that you insist she gets psychiatric help? It's all I can think of rather than throwing it all away.
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I could one of my work mates to do it but i need a reason, so they can see what she is like! behine closed doors, when we are with firends or famliy she is so nice to me and seems all loved up and ect!, but only if they knew, i've tried telling em but they laugh and so dont be stupid!.

I have told her that she needs help or to talk to someone about her behaviour! but she say "it's you who has the problem! adn need help". I just dont get it.

Take today, I went shopping with my little boy. I got her a little teddy bear and brought 12 red roses!, i give them to her and she throws them in bin and said "i dont want them, i want a ring or you to give me £200 for me to go cloths shopping"... what an ungreatfull little cow, behaving like a kid!, always demanding!...
 
Dolph said:
leaving will be really hard, but it will ne worth it in the long run.
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this.
my sister went through a similar situation, really hard at first, but now really enjoying life again with a smile on her face.

also go to a counselor, it will really help
 
without wanting to sound like a complete git,

some of you guys need to man the fluff up.

learn to be a complete and utter chuffer and put your women in their place,

OP tell your woman that she's an abusive bint and to lay off. if this doesnt work man up and leave her or tell her she's fat.

Tackleberry, yours sounds like a complete and utter fruit loop.

tell work your going away for a lads weekend and you wont be missing,murdered, kidnapped etc explain your missus is a nutter and then go on a bender of a weekend whilst leaving your phone at home.

use the above advice with caution, i accept no responsibility if either of you end up being called John wayne bobbit the second
 
Sgt Tackleberry said:
I could one of my work mates to do it but i need a reason, so they can see what she is like! behine closed doors, when we are with firends or famliy she is so nice to me and seems all loved up and ect!, but only if they knew, i've tried telling em but they laugh and so dont be stupid!.

I have told her that she needs help or to talk to someone about her behaviour! but she say "it's you who has the problem! adn need help". I just dont get it.

Take today, I went shopping with my little boy. I got her a little teddy bear and brought 12 red roses!, i give them to her and she throws them in bin and said "i dont want them, i want a ring or you to give me £200 for me to go cloths shopping"... what an ungreatfull little cow, behaving like a kid!, always demanding!...
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Is English your second language?
 
Sgt Tackleberry said:
I could one of my work mates to do it but i need a reason, so they can see what she is like! behine closed doors, when we are with firends or famliy she is so nice to me and seems all loved up and ect!, but only if they knew, i've tried telling em but they laugh and so dont be stupid!.

I have told her that she needs help or to talk to someone about her behaviour! but she say "it's you who has the problem! adn need help". I just dont get it.

Take today, I went shopping with my little boy. I got her a little teddy bear and brought 12 red roses!, i give them to her and she throws them in bin and said "i dont want them, i want a ring or you to give me £200 for me to go cloths shopping"... what an ungreatfull little cow, behaving like a kid!, always demanding!...
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seriously ungrateful bint,


go do the dirty with her sister
 
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