Very stressed with work

Monkeynut · 2 Jun 2012 at 04:54

Bit of a spilling of the guts thread, perhaps, but here goes:

Basically I have been under a lot of stress recently, this is my second try at my exams (resat AS year) but I got a job in January, now I think this job has affected my studies, but I don't think I will fail. But even though I have repeatedly said i cannot work more than 14 hours per week, they bumped me up to 22 hours this week with no explanation and 20 hours next week. I've only just finished my exams and was looking forward to this 2 weeks off, but now I won't get that because I'm in work. I have not been out in months because every moment not in work I have been studying to try and get ok grades to get into a uni. As you can see by the post time it is about 5am, I haven't gone to sleep yet because I'm too anxious about all of this to sleep.

Parents offer no helpful advice other than "that's life" or "you can use the money to go out with your friends" but I CAN'T, because I'm in work all of the time!

I think I have some sort of social anxiety as well because I cannot switch off after work, I put on a fascade on the till to try and cover up my anxiety but am constantly worrying about my next shift and the constant "people contant" as it were.

I have a pension (left by one of my parents - when i say "parents" above i mean stepmum and my dad) which gives me easily enough money to use for occasional goings out and saving up for the future.

I feel like I am breaking down at the moment and none of my friends are in this situation so they don't know what to suggest. So I turn to the strangers at OcUK for advice.

I really want to quit work but am under so much pressure from my parents not to.

Thanks chaps for anything that might help! Sorry for the rant.

Duff-Man · 2 Jun 2012 at 05:27

22hrs per week should give you plenty of time to "go out" surely? That's around half what I, and most of the rest of the population, work every week...

As for social anxiety, as someone who does suffer from it, what you describe is not familliar. The very fact that you want to "go out" with your friends suggests that you're comfortable in public places. It sounds to me more like you simply dislike your job. Which is not unusual.

Exams are always stressful, so just try to relax and enjoy all the free time you have. Believe me, in a few years having only a 22 hr working week would seem like a Godsend!

LocalNative · 2 Jun 2012 at 05:29

I definitely felt this way when I first got a job and was studying full time at uni. Figuring out how to manage my time is what worked best for me. I'd use as much time as possible before and after work to fit in my studies. No bs-ing around. Sitting and stressing is only going to waste your time

Following that, talk to your employer about getting less hours? Arrange study groups so you can spend time with your mates and be productive at the same time?

robj20 · 2 Jun 2012 at 05:37

I think its time to grow up and realise you have to start working for a living, 22 hours is nothing my basic is 8am through 4pm, but a lot of days i can be there untill 6pm or even the odd 9pm with overtime. You get weekends to yourself and your holiday entitlement.

Sounds like you want to be back at school without a care in the world and huge amounts of free time. Well it doesnt work like that.
Stress is just a lazy word for, "i cant hack it" IMO.

Juggy1985 · 2 Jun 2012 at 05:45

Just switch off work when your not working. Sounds simple but it isnt, I used to drag work problems home with me all the time and it was ruining my relationship with the fiance. Now I just do my job and when the work days done work simply doesnt exist! Its hard for me to block work out when im there so often, 7am-4:30pm Mon-Fri and 7am-11:30 sat, but just switch it off at home time, you'll feel better for it.

Monkeynut · 2 Jun 2012 at 06:23

robj20 said:
I think its time to grow up and realise you have to start working for a living, 22 hours is nothing my basic is 8am through 4pm, but a lot of days i can be there untill 6pm or even the odd 9pm with overtime. You get weekends to yourself and your holiday entitlement.

Sounds like you want to be back at school without a care in the world and huge amounts of free time. Well it doesnt work like that.
Stress is just a lazy word for, "i cant hack it" IMO.

Well I do 6th form in the week and then usually do two 6-11pm shifts on the weekend. Sometimes they give me a 6-11pm night shift in the week as well. You seem to think that A levels are somehow a doddle, to me they are even harder than work, but they are important if I want to be doing something more than moving boxes all of my life.

LocalNative said:
I definitely felt this way when I first got a job and was studying full time at uni. Figuring out how to manage my time is what worked best for me. I'd use as much time as possible before and after work to fit in my studies. No bs-ing around. Sitting and stressing is only going to waste your time

Following that, talk to your employer about getting less hours? Arrange study groups so you can spend time with your mates and be productive at the same time?

My concern is that I haven't managed to get to uni yet, and I'm no genius but desperately trying to get where I want to be, I think the unpredicatability from work in terms of hours is going to affect my studies more than I think it is already, and after burning myself out now after a massive slog trying to get these grades I need, my hours have gone up. As for the comment about my friends, well, because I am at 6th form I work nights and evenings are the only time I can socialise. Bear in mind I only have a few people I'd bother spending time with because most of my year are the self-obsessed folk who will spend nights getting as drunk as possible and being virtually hospitalised. I am the only one in my class who has even dreamed of getting (and having) a job, I spent 3 hours or so revising per night before the exams and then scaled it up before the exams themselves as you do, so anyone who is insinuating I am somehow some sort of lazy layabout, who can't be arsed getting off of his arse, is frankly wrong.

Duff-Man said:
22hrs per week should give you plenty of time to "go out" surely? That's around half what I, and most of the rest of the population, work every week...

As for social anxiety, as someone who does suffer from it, what you describe is not familliar. The very fact that you want to "go out" with your friends suggests that you're comfortable in public places. It sounds to me more like you simply dislike your job. Which is not unusual.

Exams are always stressful, so just try to relax and enjoy all the free time you have. Believe me, in a few years having only a 22 hr working week would seem like a Godsend!

I didn't know what to call it and it's the closest thing I could think of. Essentially I mean "going out" as a a quiet night in at a mate's" with the occasional trip somewhere else.

My financial situation is not a problem in any way, I recieve a monthly "pension" from a company my mother worked at before she passed away which pays me if I am in full-time education. It's not the finances I'm worried about, it's this pressure from the family to keep piling in the hours. And it's not just like I can move out now, I am sure some of you would know what it is like if you are young and on your own.

Thanks for the replies though. I appreciate the different perspectives given. Please keep them coming.

robj20 · 2 Jun 2012 at 06:28

I seem to think there a doddle because to be honest they are.
If money isnt an imediate problem why are you working, i worked a PT job up until my exams then quiet, while doing the exams to give myself extra free time. Then it was onto working a FULL time job.

lukeharvest · 2 Jun 2012 at 06:28

I'm going to be brutally honest here. Let me get this straight, you failed AS year, so decided to resit and also thought it'd be a good idea to get a job? Fair enough if you had financial problems, and there was no other option - but this isn't the case. It really boils down to whether or not the money you get from your job is worth potentially ruining the better career you'd have after Uni.

lukeharvest · 2 Jun 2012 at 06:29

robj20 said:
I seem to think there a doddle because to be honest they are.

Depends on the subject and number taken. I'm guessing if you found A-Levels a doddle you didn't take English or Lit.

robj20 · 2 Jun 2012 at 06:32

Nope i took, A level Chemistry, CISCO CCNA and dual award AVCE ICT (which counts as two A levels), so i spent a lot of time at college and took it in my stride, as well as a part time job.

lukeharvest · 2 Jun 2012 at 06:37

robj20 said:
Nope i took, A level Chemistry, CISCO CCNA and dual award AVCE ICT (which counts as two A levels), so i spent a lot of time at college and took it in my stride, as well as a part time job.

So you actually only did one A-Level, a vocational course and CCNA and are telling people A-Levels are easy? No offence, but you only did one A-Level, and AVCEs are commonly regarded as nowhere near as challenging as A-Levels (hence why top universities do not accept them as part of an offer)

robj20 · 2 Jun 2012 at 06:39

If you say so. If your aim is to get into Uni then you go for it, my aim was to get a good job, and i did and they loved the fact i took a more practicle course rather than written based.

Monkeynut · 2 Jun 2012 at 06:41

lukeharvest said:
I'm going to be brutally honest here. Let me get this straight, you failed AS year, so decided to resit and also thought it'd be a good idea to get a job? Fair enough if you had financial problems, and there was no other option - but this isn't the case. It really boils down to whether or not the money you get from your job is worth potentially ruining the better career you'd have after Uni.

This is exactly it lukeharvest - but basically my parents pressured me to get a job telling me it would "give me a break from college" and that I needed to start earning. I know the replies will be "man up" or "talk to them" but trying to talk to them was impossible given every night when i got in would be "have you got a job yet?" and trying to push job applications in my face and making me feel guitly about it. And when you're under someone else's roof... it's difficult.

My subjects last year were Further Maths, Maths, Physics and Chemistry. Failed Further Maths and Chemistry and got a D in maths and a C in Physics. I wanted to do a physics degree, so this year i changed it to Maths, Physics, Economics, Biology. Got an A in maths and physics in january

D) so I was very chuffed with this. Now I expect my results might be a mixed bag, I got a C in maths C2 and Physics P2 last year and it can't go any lower than this as a result.

I'm still up, I've felt a lot better after recieving feedback here and won't be sleeping until the folks get up and I'm going to have a face to face sit down with them, explaining what I'M going to do, regardless of their opinion. Thanks chaps. OcUK to the rescue once again. (Y)

lukeharvest · 2 Jun 2012 at 06:41

robj20 said:
If you say so. If your aim is to get into Uni then you go for it, my aim was to get a good job, and i did and they loved the fact i took a more practicle course rather than written based.

Yeah, I know the benefits of doing a VCE as opposed to A-Levels if you more interested in going straight into a job - I only had a problem with you saying A-Levels are easy when you only took one.

robj20 · 2 Jun 2012 at 06:45

And i found it very easy, not to say the work was easy but, putting in the hours and completing the course was, which is what were talking about in here. The AVCE still took up twice the amount of time, i often had 2 to 4 lessons a day doing just the one course, the CCNA was very challanging as i was in a group that had to complete it within 1 year opposed to the two you normally would get, so plenty of extra time put in there.

lukeharvest · 2 Jun 2012 at 06:46

Monkeynut said:
This is exactly it lukeharvest - but basically my parents pressured me to get a job telling me it would "give me a break from college" and that I needed to start earning. I know the replies will be "man up" or "talk to them" but trying to talk to them was impossible given every night when i got in would be "have you got a job yet?" and trying to push job applications in my face and making me feel guitly about it. And when you're under someone else's roof... it's difficult.

My subjects last year were Further Maths, Maths, Physics and Chemistry. Failed Further Maths and Chemistry and got a D in maths and a C in Physics. I wanted to do a physics degree, so this year i changed it to Maths, Physics, Economics, Biology. Got an A in maths and physics in january D) so I was very chuffed with this. Now I expect my results might be a mixed bag, I got a C in maths C2 and Physics P2 last year and it can't go any lower than this as a result.

I'm still up, I've felt a lot better after recieving feedback here and won't be sleeping until the folks get up and I'm going to have a face to face sit down with them, explaining what I'M going to do, regardless of their opinion. Thanks chaps. OcUK to the rescue once again. (Y)

If your parents pressured you to get a job, and you can't get them to change their mind - ask a teacher to speak to them for you. Your teachers will agree with me that someone who failed first year, shouldn't be having a job during the year resitting them and your parents will be more likely to listen to a teacher.

For what it's worth, I study maths and would strongly recommend you don't fully give up on Further Maths. If you struggle with Maths + Further Maths and want to get into a decent Uni (top 10 for maths) you'll struggle a lot more with Uni maths - so it's a good thing to find out how difficult you find maths + FM together.

lukeharvest · 2 Jun 2012 at 06:50

robj20 said:
And i found it very easy, not to say the work was easy but, putting in the hours and completing the course was, which is what were talking about in here. The AVCE still took up twice the amount of time, i often had 2 to 4 lessons a day doing just the one course, the CCNA was very challanging as i was in a group that had to complete it within 1 year opposed to the two you normally would get, so plenty of extra time put in there.

My point is that finding what you did easy doesn't imply you'd find doing four A-Levels easy - that's all I'm saying. Besides, I know plenty of intelligent people who struggled with A-Levels, they're a style of learning not suitable for everyone.

Monkeynut · 2 Jun 2012 at 06:55

lukeharvest said:
If your parents pressured you to get a job, and you can't get them to change their mind - ask a teacher to speak to them for you. Your teachers will agree with me that someone who failed first year, shouldn't be having a job during the year resitting them and your parents will be more likely to listen to a teacher.

For what it's worth, I study maths and would strongly recommend you don't fully give up on Further Maths. If you struggle with Maths + Further Maths and want to get into a decent Uni (top 10 for maths) you'll struggle a lot more with Uni maths - so it's a good thing to find out how difficult you find maths + FM together.

All my teachers said it was a bad idea, but my parents (i mean my dad and my stepmother here) are the "stubborn working class" type, there's a bit of unspoken contention about me wanting to do a Physics degree, with insinuations it's an in-the-clouds subject without much in the way of job prospects. Of course I'm sure the folks here won't agree!

I'm also the only one in my class to be the first in my family into university, all of the other students have parents with PhD's and Masters etc who help them with the work, and so there's a certain pressure to prove I can do it, to prove that I'm as good as them and apart from asking teachers questions there's no outside help.

I'm fully resolved now, definite sit down and talk time. Once I've got it off of my chest to them I'll be able to sleep soundly. Work isn't until 6pm so I can still get some shuteye.

lukeharvest · 2 Jun 2012 at 07:05

Monkeynut said:
All my teachers said it was a bad idea, but my parents (i mean my dad and my stepmother here) are the "stubborn working class" type, there's a bit of unspoken contention about me wanting to do a Physics degree, with insinuations it's an in-the-clouds subject without much in the way of job prospects. Of course I'm sure the folks here won't agree!

I'm also the only one in my class to be the first in my family into university, all of the other students have parents with PhD's and Masters etc who help them with the work, and so there's a certain pressure to prove I can do it, to prove that I'm as good as them and apart from asking teachers questions there's no outside help.

I'm fully resolved now, definite sit down and talk time. Once I've got it off of my chest to them I'll be able to sleep soundly. Work isn't until 6pm so I can still get some shuteye.

Firstly, maths and physics are two of the most employable degrees you can do. I was also the first member of my family to go to University (and come from a working class family) - whereas most of my peers at college weren't. It's odd as my family were much more supportive of going to Uni as opposed to working, I would have thought your family be the same given you have the opportunity to go to Uni. I must admit, I was also too determined to prove I could "do it" when I was at college - and probably got a bit too obsessed with getting into a good University.

Sefirosu · 2 Jun 2012 at 07:09

6-8 extra hours over 5 days? Is that really such a big deal?