Making eye contact with people

jsmoke

jsmoke

jsmoke

Soldato
Joined
17 Jun 2012
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Bit of a random question but something i always struggled with. Does making eye contact with you come naturally as it certainly doesn't for me, i find myself starting at the ground or to the side for 5 seconds then make eye contact again for 10 seconds. I wish i had learned it a bit better when i was younger. Could you have a interview with someone and make direct eye contact for say 10minutes. I find myself getting mesmerised but the other persons eyes and almost go into a trance about what is actually being said and hence have to look away for a bit to reengage as to what the conversation is. Maybe i have slight aspergers i don't know, never been tested for it. It's something i should have mastered by now as it's such a key skill in this world. Can make you come across as shifty/unconfident etc...
 
What is it with all these threads about people lacking confidence. Just man up and stop being so wet. Yes, it's very easy to maintain eye contact and it's weird when someone avoids eye contact.

If you really can't do it, look at their nose - it almost looks the same.
 
I don't think your expected to make continuous eye contact for 10minutes, that's called staring :p

but no, I don't feel I struggle with the relevant amount of eye contact required to show im listening, without coming across as weird and just staring.
 
Best way to do it is stare at the patch of skin between their eyebrows. They can't tell the difference.

I used to use this when I was severely lacking in confidence. I now always look people in the eye, as I believe it shows respect. :)
 
I'm the same. The moment our gazes meet my mind goes blank. It just feels so weird like it's some kind of staring contest. So instead my eyes have to flick back and forth between the surroundings and the person, giving token eye contact every few seconds. This gets REALLY tiring, and means my eyes get super fatigued after only a short spell talking.
 
Never had an issue, or really though about it either tbh. The ony trouble I have with keeping eye contact is when I am confronted with examples of humanity that look like this:

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[FnG]magnolia;22349177 said:
Welp.
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Yeah, never self diagnose. If you have a concern, go to a GP and get referred for a proper test. It certainly helped me! I'm a lot more confident and outgoing now that I know why I used to struggle socially. :)
 
StonedPenguin said:
I dont see what's so difficult about giving eye-contact when your talking to someone.
Surely it just comes natural?

lol shayper
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Not to everyone. I have statemented Aspergers, and I used to have great difficulty holding eye contact even for a second before having to look away.
 
I don't have a problem with it though I only realised how much of a difference it makes when I worked in sales. Since then it comes pretty naturally.

In fact it now really annoys me when I'm trying to have a conversation with someone who keeps looking around like they aren't paying attention.

By the way no, you don't need to maintain eye contact 100% of the time, however you shouldn't be staring at the floor or around the room especially when they are talking to you.
 
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Ahleckz said:
What is it with all these threads about people lacking confidence. Just man up and stop being so wet. Yes, it's very easy to maintain eye contact and it's weird when someone avoids eye contact.

If you really can't do it, look at their nose - it almost looks the same.
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What a helpful post.

It's not easy, at all. Thats like telling somoneone who suffers with depression to cheer up. Just because it's easy for you doesn't mean its easy for us.
 
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Ahleckz said:
What is it with all these threads about people lacking confidence. Just man up and stop being so wet. Yes, it's very easy to maintain eye contact and it's weird when someone avoids eye contact.

If you really can't do it, look at their nose - it almost looks the same.
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Yes your probably right, just curious though. Too soft! :p
 
I used to be horrible at keeping eye contact, infact I used to be so horribly nervous and useless that keeping eye contact meant that i'd look like the people from the lynx dry adverts :(

 
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