Making eye contact with people

triggerthat · 15 Jul 2012 at 20:02

I was always shy growing up. That really shifted as I wanted money and girls.

Eye contact is a very powerful tool.

Tefal · 15 Jul 2012 at 20:14

Ahleckz said:
Shyness is easily overcome, or faked.

I think that's the problem, it's relatively easy to fake but that's not fulfilling.

Living your life behind a fake mask is soul destroying.

People want to be able to feel comfortable interacting socially not simply faking that they are.

diamount · 15 Jul 2012 at 20:16

You can look at their crotch instead.

Tefal · 15 Jul 2012 at 20:18

diamount said:
You can look at their crotch instead.

*do not try this in Scotland or you will be introduced to Stanley and his mate.

Grognak · 15 Jul 2012 at 21:00

Theres a guy at our work who us unable to look anyone in the eyes, he kinda looks at your elbow, its very weird!

im not too good with eye contact as i tend to look to long and realise the other person is looking back in confusion, so i look back more to reenforce im normal, so they look back in renforcement. its a cycle of strangeness!

Grognak · 15 Jul 2012 at 21:03

Tefal said:
I think that's the problem, it's relatively easy to fake but that's not fulfilling.

Living your life behind a fake mask is soul destroying.

People want to be able to feel comfortable interacting socially not simply faking that they are.

You'd be surprised how many 'regular' people have this problem.

IronWarrior · 15 Jul 2012 at 21:52

I always look people in the eye, but I do find myself looking at their mouths which is because I had speech therapy when I was little and was taught to read lips to help me learn to talk, still a hard habit to break.

FoxEye · 15 Jul 2012 at 22:09

Ahleckz said:
What is it with all these threads about people lacking confidence. Just man up and stop being so wet. Yes, it's very easy to maintain eye contact and it's weird when someone avoids eye contact.

If you really can't do it, look at their nose - it almost looks the same.

Cheating (aka faking it) isn't the answer, as has already been said.

I think the reality is that there are a few of us on this board who need to challenge ourselves to push beyond our comfort zones. That's what this is all about.. being comfortable. Looking someone in the eyes isn't difficult in a physical sense, purely an emotional/confidence sense.

What you're probably saying is that we have to just challenge ourselves to do it until it stops being uncomfortable, but accept that it will be scary/painful at first while we're forcing ourselves to do something while our inner voices are screaming at us to stop.

I think that's what "man up" essentially means, isn't it. Just do it; it won't kill you, but it might make you a stronger person.

It certainly sounds good in principle. But what *you* have to realise is that some of us are coming from a place you've personally never been to. From a way of thinking that is so alien to *you* that you can't understand the magnitude of our fears and self doubt.

Cr0fty · 15 Jul 2012 at 22:19

If somebody doesn't me in the eye when they say hello or goodbye I find it insulting (not in a dramatic glove-slap way), unless their body language signifies that they are just shy. I see it as a way of showing your engagement with the person you are talking to.
It is ultimately only part of your communication skillset, but a very expressive way to use your body to talk. Vocal tone, body language and listening and speaking skill also come into play, so if you excel in one area then you need not be too concerned in others. And a sense of humour!

FoxEye said:
I think that's what "man up" essentially means, isn't it. Just do it; it won't kill you, but it might make you a stronger person.

Agree. In a similar sense to carpe diem and I guess the more current 'YOLO' - Why the hell not? You won't care when you're dead, anyway.

stiv121 · 15 Jul 2012 at 22:49

The only time it is not appropriate to make eye contact is while eating a banana. Otherwise its ok as long as you don't stare.