Suicide - why?

SexyGreyFox

SexyGreyFox

SexyGreyFox

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29 Mar 2003
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Stoke on Trent
At this moment I'm very drunk and been on Desperado's and Jaeger bombs all afternoon to try and help me through this.
It's taken nearly a week to be able to talk about this but last Sunday at 5pm we had a phone call saying our 23 year old Nephew had hung himself and when his Mum had taken his little boy back home she had walked upstairs and found him hanging from the attic door.
I had to try and carry on as normal and had to wait for my daughters to come in at 11pm to tell them the sad news and I then had to stay up all night to comfort them.
FROM THIS POINT I DON'T WANT A THREAD OF CONDOLENCES

OK, to the point of the thread.

There is no reason for what he did, no notes, no texts, no Facebook, no arguments with his wife, no nothing.
He'd got no drugs in his body (he did like the odd spliff but no traces).
There was no visible signs he was upset and none of his best mates know anything.
He had simply been hoovering up and then walked upstairs and hung himself.
Of course this is the thing that we has a family are finding hard to accept and a couple of them are coming out with wild theories like somebody must have held a gun to his head.
I've known too many suicides, in a 2 year span at the factory I worked at we had 13 suicides but in all cases there was a reason for it - gambling, drinking, wife leaving, drugs and so on.
I personally know of at least 40 suicides but this is the very first time there hasn't been a reason.

Has anybody here been through the same thing?
Did you eventually find out a reason?
This pain would have been so much easier if it was a car accident.

(Once again no RIP posts please, just your experiences)
 
Well even though you don't want it, I'm going to have to give a perfunctory 'sorry to hear that', because it is just awful. I've had 3 friends go in the last 2 years (all between the ages of 18 and 22), and it does leave a lot of large and agonising questions-- all of which will never be properly answered, of course. So for a start do not spend too much time wondering about it.

One of my friends turned from completely healthy with a brilliant future outlook (she was a rising star in academia and had scholarships thrown at her) into throwing herself under a train in a period of about 3 days. The depression was that quick and overpowering. It was so shockingly fast that it left absolutely no satisfactory answers to people's questions; it came on like a body-ravishing disease. Perhaps this could explain why no friends or family members noticed a 'pre-existing' depressive state. I don't know. I wouldn't like to hazard a guess. These things do happen, though. It is shocking and extreme and ultimately leaves nothing but hurt and confusion.

I must also say that to know of 40 suicides is a staggeringly high number. I hope you're doing okay.
 
Never got to the stage of wanting to kill myself, but from experience of some level of depression its like a feeling which completely takes you over and is very hard to break out of. From my experience it can last for days, weeks or hours.
 
Thanks for that InKursion, it shows that it can just happen.
Two days earlier he had been in a serious car crash that he walked away from, we don't know if he was trying to kill himself or it was the catalyst.
 
Dimple, I'm not sure at all if this is the time and place for it, but should you wish, I can give you a personal view from the other side, that is, someone who was very very close to doing what your nephew has done.

It may help, it may not. S'up to you :)
 
It's quite possible for nobody to see that anything is wrong. I've got diagnosed 'issues' but very few people know that anything is wrong at all, in fact, only one really does, and that's only really because we were in a terribly unhealthy codependent relationship. In all quantifiable ways I'm a success and things are good, but in general I'm not all that happy and my mind wonders in negative fashions far too often.

If he was suffering something similar it's perfectly possible it was all hidden.

Condolences nonetheless.
 
Lucy, I was in that dark place in 1988 and wrote about it several times on here.
I'd wrote 4 suicide notes and sat down to my last meal when I turned on the TV and on came Kilroy Silk with a room full of dying children.
If I hadn't done that I would have been straight down the railway track but the thing is everyone would have known why I had done it and most of us know why you were in that dark place.
In this case we have no idea.
 
Dimple said:
Two days earlier he had been in a serious car crash that he walked away from, we don't know if he was trying to kill himself or it was the catalyst.
Click to expand...

Was anyone else involved? I only ask, as a friend of mine was involved in a car accident when we were younger and it was pretty bad. He turned into a recluse and kind of has done ever since. Used to go out all the time and be one of the big personalities in our group but then stayed in, got his head down at work and raised a family. Rarely see him at all now, though he is very successful (which he was not really at the time). It is kind of like he has spent the rest of his life making amends. He may have gone the other way though, which is what we all feared at the time.
 
My gf and my best friend killed herself by overdosing on insulin, she was 20. She had been through the wars with 3rd degree burns due to passing out when running a bath and was in hospital for months. She went to uni and seemed happy, (she had an argument with her family and went back to uni at Christmas) but on new year she didn't reply to texts. We got concerned and contacted the uni, they forced the door and found her body.

There was a note mentioning my GF and how she wants her to be successful etc, but it still cuts like a knife to this day to know her troubles we're so bad she took her life.

She was 20 years old :(

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Its hard to convey what it [depression] feels like to others who have not experienced the same things themselves. It feels like being trapped in your own head and often others have no idea what you are going through.
 
Hey Dimple.

From what you've said it sounds like it might be something genetic?

It does seem to me that some people are more prone to it than others. Some people seem to have it in them to comtemplate suicide, other people seem wired in such a way that they couldn't even consider it.

Personally I am aware of 2 people that have committed suicide. For both the reason was loneliness (both were women in their 50s or 60s who lived completely alone, one was a friend of my mother and the other was the mother of a work colleague).

It might not be what you want to hear as it's not really a reason.
 
There is always a reason just some people never tell others of their pain and suffering before going.
It's these people that really need sympathy as they never felt they could trust someone, be it friend/family/random person enough to open up.

Ours isn't to always understand why, but to accept that life and death is a natural cycle on this earth and to hope that those who do pass on find their peace.
 
oldbag said:
Its hard to convey what it [depression] feels like to others who have not experienced the same things themselves. It feels like being trapped in your own head and often others have no idea what you are going through.
Click to expand...

There's depression and there's depression. Some of us are lucky enough to have multiple types ;)

There's the type where you constantly feel lethargic, dispassionate, apathetic, joyless. Where you really don't enjoy anything you do, even stuff that you used to enjoy. A bit like living with a constant ache, you get used to it.

Then there's the depression attacks where, for a few minutes/hours/(days if you're unlucky), you are really genuinely upset, in tears, overwhelmed utterly; and in those moments you need to escape. The compulsion to run, escape, get away from where you are is pretty strong.

And yeah, it's utterly impossible to make people who don't have depression understand where you're coming from.
 
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