Suicide - why?

Perhaps he came to the (very probably mistaken) belief that the world was better off without him. Sometimes something can get irrationally stuck in your head and nothing will shift that thought. For some this leads to the belief that it's not worth them being here. Some however may just want to know what comes next or feet that no matter what it is it has to be better than this.

I just hope you can personally find an answer that helps you come to terms with what has happened.
 
FoxEye said:
There's depression and there's depression. Some of us are lucky enough to have multiple types ;)

There's the type where you constantly feel lethargic, dispassionate, apathetic, joyless. Where you really don't enjoy anything you do, even stuff that you used to enjoy. A bit like living with a constant ache, you get used to it.

Then there's the depression attacks where, for a few minutes/hours/(days if you're unlucky), you are really genuinely upset, in tears, overwhelmed utterly; and in those moments you need to escape. The compulsion to run, escape, get away from where you are is pretty strong.

And yeah, it's utterly impossible to make people who don't have depression understand where you're coming from.
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I get a lot of the former and some of the latter, so I get where you're coming from. For me, its like being stood on by an elephant and no amount of "get over it" and "cheer up" makes the slightest difference.
 
4 and a half years ago, whilst in the army I woke up at 11 o'clock in the night. I had guard duty from 12-2 but woke up due to the noise. A fellow soldier in the same camp as us, but belonging to the unit next to us, had shot himself below the chin with the bullet going into and out of his skull.

We found out he was a straight-A student, scholarship to uni after his service, karate national champion, with a girlfriend.

Everybody was confused as to why he would commit suicide. The only thing was 2 minutes before he did it, whilst casually texting his girlfriend, his last message was "I can't take it anymore". An unopened message was found onhis mobile from his girlfriend, saying "don't do anything stupid".

Turns out he couldn't stand the pressure, but he didn't tell anyone anything, he didn't show anyone anything.

I believe, having no one to talk to is a big reason for these things. I don't mean he didn't have anyone to talk to, just that he wasn't so open-hearted as to trust his feelings to his fellow humans.

Whatever the case, it is wrong, because it affects everyone else around you.

I'm deeply sorry for your loss, but the best thing to do, is to stop asking why or any other question you might put as a burden upon you.
 
Morba said:
There is always a reason just some people never tell others of their pain and suffering before going.
It's these people that really need sympathy as they never felt they could trust someone, be it friend/family/random person enough to open up.
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There are good reasons not to open up.

A fear that people will just mock you, or not take you seriously, or tell you you should "man up" (a common phrase in this forum, certainly)

Understanding that people have their own problems and really don't want or need to hear yours.

A belief that telling someone wouldn't help anyway. They can't fix your problems; perhaps nobody can fix your problems. Perhaps you're unfixable. Maybe it's just too late to turn things around.

Feeling that you can't adequately describe your problems in words. Maybe you've tried in the past and nobody really understood you. Maybe you just aren't good at talking about your emotions.
 
Dimple said:
Lucy, I was in that dark place in 1988 and wrote about it several times on here.
I'd wrote 4 suicide notes and sat down to my last meal when I turned on the TV and on came Kilroy Silk with a room full of dying children.
If I hadn't done that I would have been straight down the railway track but the thing is everyone would have known why I had done it and most of us know why you were in that dark place.
In this case we have no idea.
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No one would have had any idea if indeed I'd gone through with it. No notes, no cryptic hidden messages. Nothing. Just a body.

I'd run out of reasons to live. Or more precisely, run out of reasons not to kill myself.

I had a girlfriend, house and car and a decent job.

Internally, the pressure was just too much. I was very good at hiding it, any outbursts could be attributed to pressure at work or whatever but the conflict and anxiety created by there being something so fundamentally wrong with my very existence was taking too much energy than I could muster.

I was a shell of a human being. My relationship with my partner had dissolved into two people existing together. I felt helpless, completely and utter without hope that I could ever resolve the internal conflict. In short, I convinced myself that the world and those around me would be better off if I weren't around, so I sat down one evening and had a serious think about things and I decided there and then that the next evening I would kill myself.

I had everything ready to go the next evening, and I was just about to do it, literally 30 seconds away from it - I was actually quite looking forward to not hearing the constant buzzing, static in my head, not being disappointed I'd not gone to sleep forever or feeling guilty whenever I saw my girlfriend crying to herself quietly in the kitchen because of what I'd made the relationship become - then she phoned me to say she'd left her work keys at home and was coming back for them.

I didn't do it, when she came back I was curled up in a ball in the middle of the landing sobbing hysterically. I started blurting it all out and that sealed the start of the real end of our relationship.

She wouldn't have known a thing, and neither would anyone else if she wouldn't have left her keys at home that evening.

I just couldn't think of one single reason to not kill myself and that encompassed everything. I had to find something to appease my mind, and shutting it up for good was the only surefire way of doing it.
 
I think some people just lose the emotional/spiritual energy to live. The simply can't be bothered living any more, can't even be bothered leaving a note or anything, they just have to end it... they have suddenly just run out of emotional energy. It's an incredible fatigue, they are so fatigued they don't even have the energy to think what it will do to others. It can be very sudden like you say they are hoovering and suddenly the thought hits them "I can't do this anymore" and they just end it right then. Hope that makes sense, just my tuppence-worth. Sorry for your loss.

It does take a huge emotional energy to deal with life even if you don't realize it, and one tiny thing can make that crumble apart in an instant. I think some people are more delicate to that risk than others through no fault of their own.
 
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You (and the rest of the family) are looking for something you're never going to find.
He had his reasons and chose to take them with him, could be anything really & he obviously didn't want anyone to know & couldn't live with it being public knowledge.
Just remember & respect him for it, or hate him for being selfish.
 
Its the ones who have amazing and great lives who do so much who seem to always be at the forefront of things who ive noticed commit suicide sometimes I wonder how they could do that. Some of them literally have no reason for doing it and trying to justify it seems pointless because they had no real reason. I personally know of 1 person who commited suicide who was a smart guy had an amazing future in a career he LOVED a decent gf no problems at all that anyone knew of and for some reason " couldnt take the stress " and offed himself.

No offence to him he was some what of a friend but there are people who live absolutely messed up lives who have more of a reason to kill them selves then some of the suicide stories ive heard.

Other then that i hate it when people do things like that its like you cant even help them sometimes because they dont ever tell anyone anything the worst is when someone does not even have a logical reason at all.

I use to hear these things a lot when i was a youth worker too.
 
Went through depression with serious thought of ending it years ago

When it was really bad I tried talking to my mum
My step dad said.. Stop worrying your mother like that.. I rember those words clear as day and never mentioned it again. I was made to feel like I was hassling people with it. I don'tlike ffeeling like that so dealt with it myself. Maybe he felt the same.. Don't want to be a burden

I'm ok now, and a better and happier person for having ot
 
why, i think some ppl just have overly high expectations of life, when they should just be happy to be breathing and everything else is a bonus. for the rest it's a clinical condition which can be treated if identifyed.
 
As a counsellor once described to me...............
Look at a swan gliding over the water.
They look so peaceful there just gliding along gracefully.
What you don't see is that they are paddling hell for leather under the water to keep going.
It's the same with people.
On the surface they might act normal but deep down they are struggling.
 
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The above is very true. The worst cases, and those seriously in need of help, are those who unfortunately will never get it. Just like in the OP, these people will show no outward signs (seriously depressed people can be fantastic actors in everyday situations) and, one day, just quietly walk off and do the deed.

In those situations, nobody may ever know exactly "why" they did it. Usually, the depressed individuals won't share what they're going through as they feel guilty burdening other people with their internal struggles, so everyone is left shrugging their shoulders and saying "He was always such a happy bloke, with everything to live for."
 
I've mentioned my opinions on depression in other threads so I'll leave them out of this one.

I feel that the people who do such drastic actions aren't always depressed but they do have severe problems and that makes them feel helpless and there's varying reasons why they don't want to seek help. It's a shame that a lot of people just finish it because they feel they can't depend on the people around them.
I think it shows the state of western culture and in my experience I know a lot of people who just aren't that close to their parents due to how they were brought up.
 
Interesting. I am not too happy at the moment due to a number of things and I am trying to work myself out, but there's certainly no way I would consider suicide...there's too many fine girls in the world still to enjoy :p

Personally my exes father committed suicide also by hanging and also without any particular reason - his wife just found him like that one day. Hit the family hard. :(
 
I've lost a couple of friends to suicide, no real reasons why, just guesses, exams, his brother did the same thing etc.

Although it's hard, you kind of just have to realise that there was a reason they do it, even if we don't know what that reason was. They feel it's the last option they have left.

Your opening post says that his mum had taken his little boy back, reads like he only see's him occasionally, could be a reason, but you'll never know for sure.

My aunt was having issues, she went out for the day with her husband and 2 sons, they had an amazing day, she said they'd never have a better day and then that night drank a bottle of bleach and died later in hospital. Again, no notes, just guesses including one that she may have bee abused by her dad when she was little (we were never allowed to be alone with him when we were young).
 
aww what a great first thread i chose to read this morning really sets you up for the day
:(
 
Dimple said:
He had simply been hoovering up and then walked upstairs and hung himself.
Of course this is the thing that we has a family are finding hard to accept and a couple of them are coming out with wild theories like somebody must have held a gun to his head.
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Completely natural. They don't want to think that, as far as they are concerned, they should have seen "the signs" and they may also feel that they let him down or guilty for either not being there for him or for making him feel that he couldn't talk to them about it and let them help.

Most of the people that do this show no real signs unlike the attention seekers who shout about how they are "going to kill myself" but never do. Basically what I am saying is that he is the former so there was nothing that can be done.


Of course, the rumour mill will start and the family may start hearing stories of why he did it. They need to ignore them or they will just end up ill themselves. If the family don't know, then I doubt anyone else will.


Personally I believe that at the moment it happens, all the turmoil in their head of "will I, won't I" is gone and a calmness comes over them as they do whatever they are doing.
 
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