Living at home with parents: how is it viewed?

[Street]

It puts women off for sure.

I view it as a bad thing living with parents (personally anyway)

My last gf still lived with her mum, when I stayed round she wanted me to sleep in the spare room and we are both 29.. That put me off a bit!

 

[James_N]

I still live at home at the age of (nearly) 29. I too get a bit of stick from the work lads, but I don't give two ***** what anyone else thinks.

I get on very well with my parents. I pay board, and with some of my savings, have helped them pay their mortgage off, and they are signing the house over to me soon anyway.

I've never had a GF, so never had that to worry about, and being single, its hard to be able to afford anywhere decent (some of my friends mortgage's make me cringe. They can only afford it due to being married / having a GF).

I'm now looking at buying somewhere in France to rent out. Prices out there are much more reasonable, and places are much bigger.

Don't really see the point in moving out and renting somewhere on my own, when I can stop at home, plus home is only 2 miles from work.

My old manager lived at home all his life. His mum died a few years back unfortunately, but he is in his mid 50's and earning very good money.

 

[BuffetSlayer]

This whole post is based on the viewpoint that you only ever live at home as a fall back because you cannot survive financially if you were to leave.

Nope

Show me where I said that?

I have said that in other cultures living at home is viewed differently as well as that depending on the circumstances of why someone is still living at home we tend to view them differently. I used the example of a short term refuge in the case of my other half, as well as the possibility that someone could be a carer for their parents. I also used the example of my cousin. Whilst my examples were by no means exhaustive I was merely highlighting a couple of relevant circumstances - only one of which meant the person was using home as a financial safety net. In the case of the carer, they are a carer and that is their reason for being there. In the case of my cousin he stays at home because he likes his lifestyle and could not maintain it if he moved out - but that does not mean he can't afford to move out, it just means standing on his own two feet is obviously not a priority for him over and above boozing and holidays.

"Living at home with parents" just covers far too broad a spectrum of scenarios to have a viewpoint on, it can only be done on a case by case basis. All the following situations can be grouped under this:

Which is why I said most open minded people will see past it, just like I did with my other half..........

1) Living at home with your parents, effectively being a lazy bum and taking advantage of you parents. Not paying your share of expenses, not help etc.

I believe this particular category sums up a lot of people. The same as uni students bringing all of their dirty washing home of a weekend for mum to wash. The same as people claiming they can't afford to move out of home but go boozing every weekend and on holidays abroad every year all whilst wearing the latest fashions. They may well pay a share of their upkeep but I can guarantee this: they will not ever be able to get the same luxury as living at home for the money their parents charge them. I just think some people bum around and try to make excuses to justify it. They bleat on about house prices but never really commit to getting their own place. I think this is possibly due to the comfort blanket of living at home which affords them the luxury of being able to bum around with comments like "I don't know what I want to do with my life yet". How about this for an idea - Get on with it!

I accept that this is by no means everyone, and many people will truly be trying to save up in order to move out but I am sorry, knowing what it takes to save for a house (I have done it whilst renting) I cannot take people seriously who profess to be saving yet squander money on their 'lifestyle'. But that is just my opinion based on my own struggle to stand on my own two feet. Does it make me right? Maybe not, but that is just how I feel.

2) Living at home with your parents and treating it like a house share. You assume your portion of responsibilities and share costs according to your slice. Contribute to keep the house productive and livable. This is no difference than if they were random strangers that you happened to live with.

Yes it is very different because you are family and they are your parents and the social dynamic in that situation is far removed from living with 'strangers'. Granted the financial implications may be similar, but a person in such circumstances will still be under their parents shadow (wing?). It will still be their house that they have worked to get, not their offspring.

3) Living at home with your parents, you take up the majority role of responsibility and effectively take ownership of the house and expenses. You do greater than your share of the work. Your parents then effectively live with you.

Are you talking about taking over their home? Or you buying a home and them moving in with you? These are two very different situations.

If the former - then a person would be basically riding off on their parents' success - they have done the hard work by saving for a deposit, reducing the mortgage etc etc and to simply swoop in and start paying for the house is easy. Their son/daughter most likely wont:

have had to find a house they like and attempt to buy it.
have had to scrape a deposit together in order to get a mortgage, or made the lifestyle sacrifices necessary to do that.
have had the headache of dealing with solicitors and mortgage companies (as well as their underwriters)
have had the distress and heartbreak when the deal falls through and a couple of grand goes down the drain
have also had to try and sell their own home in the process (only applicable if their parents have done this in order to live in their current home).

So there is a lot of life experience the son/daughter won't have - as well as a lot of financial and emotional burden/sacrifice that they have no idea about.

Obviously this is only really applicable if their parents own their home. If they rent it's a bit different. Also this is only really an example based on son's/daughters who have never had their own place and have never flown the nest as it were. Clearly, if a more mature adult falls on hard times and has to sell their own home and move back in with parents that is a different situation again.

If it is a home you have bought under your own steam, then that is not living with parents, it is "I have my parents living with me" which is a completely different social dynamic because you are in charge, it is your house but again this is different from simply swooping in and paying the mortgage on the family home. As such the stereotypical stigma of living with parents would likely not apply. In the case of the former, you may pay for everything but that does not make it your house. I think there is a marked difference.

Theoretically speaking, one could build or purchase their own house, have a successful family and kids, but because they choose to allow their parents to move in and live with them and thus fall under the "Living at home with parents" category, they have some how not gained as much life experience or are a lesser person?

See above, this would be "my parents live with me" and a very different proposition.

My point is that any situation can be twisted to be negative or positive and thusly people shouldn't really be stereotyping just because someone falls under that category.

As I said in my post:

However the truth of what people think does not make what they think true.

By this I mean that some people may well attach a stereotypical stigma to someone living at home but that does not mean what they think is true, or justified. Backed up by:

My other half lived at home until she was 32/33 - but had lived away from home for several years down south. That didnt work out so she came back and spent 3 years living at home again. It sent her mad, but financially she could not afford her own place. Many men would have run a mile (I'm 6 years younger and had my own house) but I saw past it. I think most open minded decent people will.

I think it also depends on why someone is still at home...

Granted I should have elaborated a bit more on this point, but I have already identified that circumstances can be different and that open minded people will look at an individual on merit and not be put off by "living with parents".

As for how women view you, I think it is perceived that you are lacking somehow. If you still live with your parents it suggests immaturity and the avoidance of responsibility and perhaps lack of confidence - which women find off putting

See the language I use? Perceived, suggests, perhaps. Explaining the possibility of what other people may think does not mean I share their thoughts - and the fact my other half lived at home when I met her further reinforces that.

Conversely if you are a woman it suggests you may be difficult, a spinster or damaged goods (not nice but I think it is true).

I just want to clarify that I believe that people thinking those things is true, not that I think those things myself.

Overall, there are many reasons why people are living at home both circumstantial and also cultural. As I have repeated again today, most open minded people will see past that and consider each persons circumstances as they get to know them. However, there are just as many who will apply a social stigma - and to be fair in some circumstances I think it is warranted.

To sum up though, I think you have perhaps misinterpreted my previous post?

Buff

Oh and.....

I should also add, I don't agree with the concept of parents charging their children rent. Of you parents are wanting to charge you rent, then the equation changes and of course you should consider moving out.

So you would find it acceptable for someone to live in your home, have their own income and yet not contribute anything to the upkeep of the house? A child stops being so at 18. I personally think it is only right for them to start taking on the responsibilities of being an adult - IE paying their way like everyone else has to and not free loading. I think it also helps to give them a better attitude to money and responsibility in general.

I actually volunteered board money to my parents at any time I was working full time hours from the age of 16 onwards. But then we were a very low income family and my money made a difference. I suppose if someone has plenty of cash it would be easier to let people free load as you suggest. Even so, I doubt I would allow it as I believe paying your way is a fundamental part of being responsible which is something I believe we should be trying to instill in young adults, not mollycoddling them.

 

[beachBOYken]

I'm 28 and still at home , have full time job and save every month and being single helps but as I still dont know what to do with my life I feel kinder stuck in a hole sometimes

I have plenty saved but dont want to get somewhere of my own yet when I dont feel secure in my job which I'm that happy at.

Sometimes I feel like just packing everything in and go travelling!

 

[Dark_Injection]

For me it changes a lot.

If there was a girl my age still living at home it would put me off. My girlfriend did live at home, now with me - she is a bit younger though. We stay at her parents once a week for a change of scenery but any more and we wouldnt be together.

When your older you dont want parent figures around you, let alone a parent not your own.

Id say anything past 24 and your still fully living at home then something is wrong.

 

[Infidelus]

And that is why people who really want it have an evening job as well.

As I have said previously, if someone wants it bad enough they will make it happen.

It requires sacrifice. It may require working 2 jobs.

The problem is often people want their own place but do not want to make the sacrifices or put in the effort necessary in order to get it.

Having done it myself, I know it is hard. Really hard sometimes, but then, as I said, it just boils down to how badly someone wants it.

Buff

I don't disagree that if you were willing to give up your entire life outside of work and sleep you could save enough money to move out (eventually). But what a crap life it would be. If all you're doing is working and sleeping, it's just not worth it ... as far as I'm concerned anyway.

Some people are willing to give up everything for what they want, but life is for living, and I don't consider working yourself to death for years on end to be much of a life. That is however just my opinion

 

[BuffetSlayer]

I don't disagree that if you were willing to give up your entire life outside of work and sleep you could save enough money to move out (eventually). But what a crap life it would be. If all you're doing is working and sleeping, it's just not worth it ... as far as I'm concerned anyway.

Some people are willing to give up everything for what they want, but life is for living, and I don't consider working yourself to death for years on end to be much of a life. That is however just my opinion

It is just as valid an opinion as mine to be fair.

I guess what I was trying to highlight is that there are people who say they want something but actually don't really want it enough to make it happen. A kind of love the idea but hate the reality approach.

Agreed it is dispiriting to not have much of a life and to work so hard and see no immediate benefits, but in the long run there are many benefits not least of which is the prize you have been seeking as well as the strength and experience to deal with adversity or difficult situations. Also, the hardship is relatively short term in the scheme of a persons overall life (unless they get hit by a bus or something )

I guess it is cliche, but I believe that it is character building.

Buff

 

[pingwing]

Lived properly away from home for uni (nearly 4 years in Northern Ireland when my family lived in Milton Keynes and then St Albans), craved living away form home for a few months when I came back, did for a bit, it wasn't worth it at the time getting back to do a masters at uni.

At 23 I'm in no rush just now to go and live on my own again as I have done it for a while and there's only mum at home with my sister off to uni. There's plenty of space and no real pressure from either of us for what we want to do (though I do need to find a job/career).

It's different for everyone though, a friend of mine went a little mad living with his mum from 19-22 after dropping out from uni and getting into employment early. Took him years to even be in a position where he could move out but he seems to like it.

I stick by it is different for everybody and the only times to judge are when someone refuses to try something different on the basis their mum is around to do everything for them. I find it a bit weird at 23 living at home and not helping my mum out with general house related things and would feel funny if she did all my washing and so on.

 

[NickNR]

I'm 28 and currently living at home. It certainly isn't through choice, if I was in a position where I could afford to live on my own/share, I would.

I currently work in a job where I earn well under the average wage for the UK, I also live in London, so renting/buying where I live is very expensive. A one bedroom flat is £900+, studio flat, not much less.

Unfortunately I came straight out of college and took at shot at being in a full time band which mean't years of travelling for weeks on end literally scrapping by and often losing money, as well as spending thousands on recordings/equipment/vans for touring etc. Although we got a lot further than I would have ever expected, it mean't that when we finally called it a day in our mid twenties, unfortunately all we had to show for it was debt and our memories. Not complaining, was a risk, didn't work out, nor will I say I have anyone to blame but myself.

Obviously this mean't I jumped on the career ladder later than most, and without a university degree and limited experience in the "real world", I've not exactly been in the position to demand a big salary.

I do however pay a large chunk of rent to my parents, I pay for all my expenses, clean, cook etc. I'm sure if my parents could afford to not charge me rent/charge me less they would, but they are not in a financial position to be able to do that.

So currently what I earn is paying off debts I have accumulated/rent/living.

As soon as I have paid off my debts or am in a position where I can afford to rent/share I will certainly do so, I get along well with my parents, but I do feel embarrassed to still be there in my late 20's, even though many of my friends are. Personally, if I could afford to rent away from home, even if it mean't taking longer to save for my own place and living an even tighter lifestyle, I would do so for sure.

 

[BuffetSlayer]

....but I do feel embarrassed to still be there in my late 20's, even though many of my friends are.

I would tell your friends to go home.

Its not fair for them to take liberties like that!

 

[bledd]

i'll have to report back on that one

pics

 

[pingwing]

Although we got a lot further than I would have ever expected, it mean't that when we finally called it a day in our mid twenties,

Hopefully there was one awesome night with several women that makes the whole experience worth it

 

[=XDC=FluphyBunny]

I always look less on people who are in their late 20's and on who still live at home because it saves them money so they can go out and enjoy a few luxuries. Sorry but their parents should cut the cord and get them out and force them to learn to look after themselves.

When you are saving for a deposit I can see that these days it makes total sense.

 

[Gammawolf]

snip

I believe you missed the point in my post, it was not to hyper-analyse the scenarios since that becomes a futile exercise to the point of this thread. I was simply stating that OP's post had no boundaries or scope in terms of what the he meant by "Living at home with parents". For the purposes of this thread this is very critical as you mentioned,

...this would be "my parents live with me" and a very different proposition.

This still falls under the category of "Living at home with parents" because of the lack of scope in his question. But obviously this is viewed entirely differently from the more typical scenarios one sees these days with people typically associated with the phrase "Living at home with parents". So to make a sweeping statement against people falling under this category is a bit bold since each case needs to be looked at individually. This requirement then makes the thread rather pointless because the thread is trying to generalise something that cannot rightfully be generalise.. and to make such statements against the category is slightly preemptive unless one is referring to someones individual circumstances, thought processes, financial statues, future plans, ambitions, work ethic, drive, family ties etc etc.

 

[BuffetSlayer]

I believe you missed the point in my post

Clearly this appears to be the case as you stated in your opening line, after quoting my post that:

This whole post is based on the viewpoint that you only ever live at home as a fall back because you cannot survive financially if you were to leave

I was showing you in my lengthy reply that your statement about my post was incorrect and how the points you made in your own post were more or less covered in mine which more or less nullified your statement.

Clearly I have totally missed the point somewhere

Did you mean something else by your opening comment about my post then?

I took it that you were pretty much saying my post was one dimensional, and yet you went on to make similar points to what I had already made.

Buff

 

[cm1179]

Id say anything past 24 and your still fully living at home then something is wrong.

 

[TheOtherOption]

Am now 27 and still at home, although do want to move out soon if I can find something affordable!

Being single helps with saving but I've still got far less than I should have saved up - have saved a lot more in recent years however.

Being in London doesn't help however as even a room (not a flat) can be upwards of £800/month easy around here so without a group of friends to get a flat with or a girlfriend to get a place with it's not easy going. I'm not one for sharing a kitchen and bathroom so would want my own flat in it's entirety if I had the choice!

 

[Omaeka]

Well, every female I know my age who lives away from their parents (age bracket 18-23) are either freeloading off a partner/government, or have their parents pay for their flat/house. So in my situation, none of the women (should just say girls really ) dare judge me for living at home still (20) and all the lads I know live at home too. My best mate's brother is the only lad I know of (don't get on with him) that doesn't live at home, but he ends up ****ing all his money up the wall on rubbish and gets his family to pay his actual upkeep at the end of the month.

So living by yourself is hardly a sign of maturity/finance. I can bet quite a few young people only manage to live by themselves thanks to hand outs, of course that doesn't apply to everyone but it's all I've seen.

 

[Muel]

I had just turned 20 when I moved out of my Dad's house, now over 2 years later and I'll never look back.

I now live with my girlfriend (21) and everything is great. It could potentially go wrong moving in together at such a young age, but we both agree that if it's we can make it work, it'll be easier living together than apart. (We're both kinda soppy and dependant on each other to be happy).

My advice though, get it done. It was and still is the most rewarding thing I've ever done. You're not a real person until you have a years worth of gas bills!

 

[Defy Belief]

I'd have to disagree.

Let's assume you're on minimum wage doing a 37 hour week.

£6.19 * 37 - £229.03

Multiply by 52 (Annual salary) - £11909.56

Divide by 12 (Monthly gross wage) - £992.46

Remove deductions for NI and Tax (Data from www.listentotaxman.com) - £106.6

Net total monthly wage £885.86

Now the monthly bills

Rent - ~£500 minimum (from a quick search of the area where I live)
Electric/Gas - £80
Water - £30
Council Tax - £100
Food - £100

That's a very rough basic of necessities.

Add things that are now common

Broadband - £10 - £20
Car Insurance - £20
Home Contents Insurance - £15
Car running costs - £50
VED - £12
Phone - ?

So from that £885.86 we now already have a minus figure of £31.14 (assuming BB was £10). You may not have all of those extras, but all three of the people I mentioned above do have, and they're all pretty standard and not excessive things to expect. I've omitted TV Licence and cost of telephone use. I'm sure there's other things that could be added that I've forgotten.

I'd personally say the bare minimum you need to even think about moving out is £1000, and I'm not even sure that's enough tbh.

I'm very lucky. I moved out in my early 30s, but that's only because my parents gave me a considerable wedge of money to help with my house purchase (which has made the mortgage repayments far less than they would be). If they hadn't, I'd be still living at home too, and am of a similar age to the oldest two in the earlier post.

What type of dwelling, 1 bedroom flat? I'd imagine that'd be cheaper than £500.

My bills come to less than £1000, but that's a 2 bedroom end terrace in a nice area in Gloucester, £80 worth of electric and gas for one person? Mine is just under that and that's for 3 people in a bigger room space when the heating etc is used commonly in the day due to my misses being at home with our daughter.

Council tax wouldn't be that much for a single bed flat, contents insurance is like £5. £25 a week is a lot of food for one person what would they be buying tesco meal deals everyday.

You need £1000 move out originally yeah, for deposits and stuff but once you have found your feet and got the bills steady it's really not that difficult.