Any other recent first time dads want to give me some tips?
First of all, congratulations!
We had our first 10 months ago and I'll be honest it has been quite tough but worth every minute. If I had to describe fatherhood in four words it would be: relentless but worth it.
Probably be repeating what has been put down already but these would be my tips:
1) Don’t underestimate how much support your other half is going to need during pregnancy and especially the first few weeks after the birth. Obvious statement I know but quite a few guys I know from antenatal classes carried on with their social lives as normal after birth... doesn't really work that way IMO.
Mums-to-be do tend to really appreciate when their partners make the effort to go to all appointments – I think it’s important as well if you can.
2) Look after yourself. We'd had a particularly difficult birth and my wife had quite bad postnatal depression. If you can get help from family/friends even during the day for a bit so your missus (and you!) can have a sleep it can make all the difference.
Look after yourself, take time off work if you can and I'd suggest 1/2 days for a little bit as it eases you and your missus into you not being around as much. Try and enjoy it, I wish I had more.
They say it takes 10-12 weeks to get into some sort of routine, was definitely the case for us.
3) Don't led midwives or anyone else tell you what to do with your child, if your missus can't breastfeed then don't feel bad going on bottle. Our little girl has been on pharmacy prescribed milk and is very healthy – doesn’t stop the condemning looks/comments from some of our friends – they weren’t the ones being kept up at night with a starving baby.
4) Once baby has arrived, trust your instincts. If you think the baby isn't eating as normal or just not quite themselves (in a concerning way) then go straight to doctor or phone your health visitor/midwife. No point worrying about it, just ask someone.
5) I couldn't recommend the National Childbirth Trust (NCT) more. They run parenting courses and for us, although the information was useful, it was more the friendships you make that is really good. We now have three sets of parents we meet up with once a month and the children play together regularly, really useful support network as well (they have their own little facebook group which is also good to share tips/advice/questions).
Also, as has been mentioned above, babies don't have to be money pits. We have 95% of the stuff our baby wears and plays with from 2nd hand sales (NCT sales are amazing!). A good wash and a wipe down with sterilizing wipes and clothes/toys as good as new. We have toys and clothes that have come our way for up to 2-3 years old!
Charity shops are great and local Facebook groups are really useful as well. Apart from the cotbed, bottles/sterilizer and a couple of small items, we literally have bought everything else 2nd hand. We have everything from a jumperoo (which you'll find very useful) to a proper wooden playhouse all 2nd hand and have saved ££££ for sure.
6) You both need time for yourselves. Parenting is hard, well a big change is maybe a better term. Even if you have an easy to look after child (our daughter is a breeze compared to some we know) you still need time just you and your missus. If you have family/friends that can have baby for an evening (or even better, overnight) on a regular basis, e.g. once a month, it's really good for you both. Don't feel bad about doing it as I think it’s good for the baby and grandparents as well.
Also don’t forget to keep some semblance of your hobbies/interests (although not the all consuming ones as you shouldn’t have time!) I used to play football a lot, into cars and other stuff, I gave that all up during pregnancy and now for varying reasons struggling to get back into it.
Take the positives, listen to the advice (as EVERYONE has advice) but sift through the useful stuff but remember it is your baby and your lives, not theirs. At the end of the day it’s you, your missus and the baby together and it’s such an exciting opportunity to form a great family unit and life together. Enjoy it!
Mine did that, turned my back to grab something and bump waaaaah occured.
