I would say you're being very cynical but I'm about to be taken to court because a woman I trusted has ****** me over. It's not even a wife/gf. Their callous nature honestly knows no bounds sometimes.
Anyone been divorced with kids ?
- Thread starter Stolly
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I would say you're being very cynical but I'm about to be taken to court because a woman I trusted has ****** me over. It's not even a wife/gf. Their callous nature honestly knows no bounds sometimes.
She's taking them on 2 holidays and is moaning that there's no money for them to go on what I'm assuming are purely optional school trips? They're going to 'miss out'? I'd tell her to get bent.
If she does want any money for school trips, tell her to give you a copy of the letter from the school with the amount it is going to cost (feel free to verify it with the school) and make a cheque out for the half the amount payable to the school/travel company/whoever. The school won't care if they get 2 cheques attached to a permission slip, especially if they already know the parents are divorced. This way you know for sure you're not being given the run around. I fail to see however how £400x2* + Benefits/tax credits is not enough for clothes/expenses/food. (x2 as I assume she must contribute the same!)
With the amount you are paying. If she cant cover the kids expenses with that, she is clearly using the money for more than just the kids as it is intended. If she is can afford to take them on 2 holidays, she can afford the school trips. This just reeks of her trying to take you for a mug then guilt tripping you using the kids.
Same for my father who worked full time with three kids, two of which were under 10 when our mother left. They never chased her up at all, not for back payments or anything.
I have a mate whose ex taunts him with cars and holidays saying that's what his payments go to, especially now she's with a much richer guy anyway who gets to be full time dad.
I always think if a man comes into the relationship to break up a family unit for a bunk up, he should then be prepared to take on the financial burden instead of having the husband move out and keep the wife and new boyfriend in their lifestyle.
Soldato
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On a normal basis I'd say make sure the kids are fine, and are getting enough money. But I can't see how £400 isn't enough to cover it, especially if she's contributing as well.
kd
kd
and she needs more money..... RIGHT..........
I bet shes one of those people who thinks you should pay for all of the holday because shes doing you a favour by taking the kids :| so she shouldnt even be paying for herself.......
OK so the way i'm going to play this is that i'll contribute half towards large items such as school trips. I'm getting all school letters sent to me as well, so i know what half is. Probably i could pay the cheque direct to the school.
I'll also buy some clothes so they have some to wear at my house when they come over, and i don't really care if they stay at mine, i'm contributing to a pool of clothes not really bothered about the individual items. It'll be proportional to the time they spend with me.
What i am very wary of, which some people have touched on, is that she's already told me she plans to take them on 2 holidays next year, one in the UK and one away. If she gets any more money from me, i won't be able to afford to take them away myself. So the net result is that i'll be paying to have her take them, rather than take them myself, so they spend less time with their father. There are other examples like this, she's already had a huff because the Wii i'm buying one of them for Christmas is staying at mine. I don't even like the things, she does. Read into that what you will....
And to the kind thoughts of the people accusing me of being a delinquent father, probably you are vicariously projecting your own experiences onto me. I invite you to work through these important issues with your own therapist, not on an internet forum
She has ample money is she has enough disposable income to pay for two holidays with one being abroad. I am well off and are happily married and we dont have two holidays a year never mind one of them being abroad.
Soldato
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Well this thread has certainly raised my blood pressure. I don't even have any children!
it is extraordinarily difficult.
My uncle paid for everything for his two kids when he got seperated but because the mother was hugely money grabbing, the kids learned that the only relationship worth having with their father was financial.
Now they call him for cash and that is it... the kids decided that they wanted more and more expensive things and the mother just told them to call my uncle (who paid all maintenance as well). Now the kids' relationship with their dad is screwed. Neither of the parents are poor and the mother had a partner.
I think you run the risk of your ex doing the same to you.
Obviously you want to give your kids everything but that could ultimately present you as a money dispenser.
My uncle paid for everything for his two kids when he got seperated but because the mother was hugely money grabbing, the kids learned that the only relationship worth having with their father was financial.
Now they call him for cash and that is it... the kids decided that they wanted more and more expensive things and the mother just told them to call my uncle (who paid all maintenance as well). Now the kids' relationship with their dad is screwed. Neither of the parents are poor and the mother had a partner.
I think you run the risk of your ex doing the same to you.
Obviously you want to give your kids everything but that could ultimately present you as a money dispenser.
That is annoying, to say the least.
My goodness there's a lot of strange strange beliefs on this thread!
Stolly if you pay maintenance and it is £400.00 a month, believe me, you are more than contributing financially toward your children! In essence, going off what you have said, your children (minus tax credits/CB) actually cost £800.00 per month according to Government guidelines and "Policy Research".
In my opinion if your ex isn't budgeting for school uniform from that, there is something seriously wrong there. School trips, by all means i believe you should put at least something toward them, its only fair. Maintenance is not for activities imo.
Don't be bullied into contributing towards school uniform that is something that comes under the remits of maintenance. A brilliant piece of advice i can give you is any activities/trips you want to pay for, pay directly to the school or company providing these and get a receipt... don't hand over cash to an ex (ever) for any activities for your child... pay toward it directly yourself.
To atpbx... if you have a Court Order that states a monthly maintenance amount, after 12months the CSA can overrule any Court Order and impose a their rates and there is no come back for you.
Drukk... ex-wife/husbands can spend maintenance on anything they see fit. Its just another form of income and i'd hazard in a substantially high portion of cases, very little indeed is spent on the child.
Stolly if you pay maintenance and it is £400.00 a month, believe me, you are more than contributing financially toward your children! In essence, going off what you have said, your children (minus tax credits/CB) actually cost £800.00 per month according to Government guidelines and "Policy Research".
In my opinion if your ex isn't budgeting for school uniform from that, there is something seriously wrong there. School trips, by all means i believe you should put at least something toward them, its only fair. Maintenance is not for activities imo.
Don't be bullied into contributing towards school uniform that is something that comes under the remits of maintenance. A brilliant piece of advice i can give you is any activities/trips you want to pay for, pay directly to the school or company providing these and get a receipt... don't hand over cash to an ex (ever) for any activities for your child... pay toward it directly yourself.
To atpbx... if you have a Court Order that states a monthly maintenance amount, after 12months the CSA can overrule any Court Order and impose a their rates and there is no come back for you.
Drukk... ex-wife/husbands can spend maintenance on anything they see fit. Its just another form of income and i'd hazard in a substantially high portion of cases, very little indeed is spent on the child.
Stolly... just noticed your last post... you could go and make a claim with the CSA nothing stopping you. You are fully entitled to go through the CSA if needs be.
Please be aware though that sometimes CSA can strain "relationships" between parents as they are a very dodgy middleman if you like. And there are some nightmare stories on the internet about them.
nothing stopping you. You are fully entitled to go through the CSA if needs be.Please be aware though that sometimes CSA can strain "relationships" between parents as they are a very dodgy middleman if you like. And there are some nightmare stories on the internet about them.
Associate
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And I think thats the problem.
People appear to be happy to pay support for their child but can't help but feel they are really now giving money to support their ex-partner.
So i've just put the figures through the CSA online calculator. I'm actually currently slightly above the guidance given that they spend about a third of the nights of the year with me. So if she wants to go the CSA, she can feel free
Dont forget tho, that the CSA will take into account any tax credits you get AND any income your partner ( if you have one ) gets.
Stolly... just noticed your last post... you could go and make a claim with the CSA
Please be aware though that sometimes CSA can strain "relationships" between parents as they are a very dodgy middleman if you like. And there are some nightmare stories on the internet about them.
No i'm not going to the CSA. I'm happy to pay what i pay. She might not be, but thats her lookout. If she goes to the CSA she may actually be worse off, which would be hilarious, but even then i would not comply with a CSA decision to reduce my child support.
Soldato
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Ignoring the mysogony that appears, and always appears in such a male dominated forum, you should pay her exactly what the CSA dictates what you need to pay. Treat your children to new clothes and trips when they are with you.
If she wants them to go on school trips then she can pay from the maintenance. School trips generally aren't too expensive anyway.
Doesn't sound like the most amicable of divorces to me. Good luck and hope you sort it out.
If she wants them to go on school trips then she can pay from the maintenance. School trips generally aren't too expensive anyway.
Doesn't sound like the most amicable of divorces to me. Good luck and hope you sort it out.
Hmmm thats a bit of an arse, don't have either at the moment. Wouldn't be a right laugh if they come along and effectively fine me for getting on with my life though.
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Its always better to try come to a mutual agreement away from the CSA, they will milk you for all they can, and should you fail to make payments and end up in arrears, maintenance cannot be included in the likes of bankruptcy or debt relief orders. Obviously that only applies if you find yourself in financial trouble with large debts.