The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Kenai said:
In my experience the 'when we are together it's great' aspect of long distance is merely a factor of both parties being more agreeable and placid (whether consciously or not) to avoid arguing/conflict during the brief 'special' period. During the normal periods the real personalities don't take such a backseat and the arguments happen.

Fast forward to a point when the distance is removed, time together becomes 'normal' and suddenly no longer a special occasion and the avoidance of arguments is removed.

Long distance creates an odd almost artificial dynamic during the short periods of togetherness and it's the behavior when separate that I would pay more attention to personally.

I was in a relationship much the same and thought 'once we get to be together more it will be like the good times more often'. It wasn't, it was just like the previous normal periods of being apart except the arguments were happening face to face rather than over the phone.
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I half agreee with you my last relationship some 2+ years ago :mad: (but was 5 years long) was bit like this. For the first 2.5 year it was "normal" for a Uni time relationship (she was a little older and had finished Uni by the time we got together she was around 3-4days a week.

My final year I ended up with a whole house to myself not house mates or nothing (long story) so she was basically living with me with all the pros and cons. Final 18 months I was working short term contracts from London to Dundee to Cork so were lucky to see her every 3 months or so.

This lead to arguments over the phone over stupid things this was mostly my fault I communicate poorly at the best of time let alone over the phone (having Asburgers Syndrome does not help matters. When we did get to see each other everything was how it was once again.

We broke up (mostly my idea as I couldn’t hack not seeing her for months on end) Managed to get a stable job here in Oxford and wanted to try again but by this time she found a new boyfriend but not so long ago this person cheated on her with a friend of my Ex but she obsessive over him and want him back :eek: . I feel somewhat guilty that I might of ****ed her up this way this is on top of own loneliness

In short I half agree you half don’t
 
Me and my girl were perfect before I went travelling. Talking about all the things we want to do in the future.

I come back, and I'm emotionally not there at all, for the last 7 weeks it's been 90% effort from her, 10% from me. I WANT it to be like it was before I left, but just can't do it.

Has anyone else been in a similar position, specifically with travelling involved as a part of the equation? Do I have the travelling blues, or has this relationship run it's course for me, emotionally?

We've had a huge discussion about it as inevitably it comes up time and time again as I'm making little/no effort at all, and it's basically my 'last chance' to put something back into 'us' again.

For the record, no there is no other girls involved in the equation, I'm all hers. Just not emotionally.
 
Zefan said:
I've been in some pretty heart tearing situations myself as I tend to fall in love with any woman who pays me the slightest bit of attention (10 points for whoever gets that reference) but been pseudo-single for the past year and it's not so bad really.

I'm sure with my dashing good looks and razor sharp wit I'll be with some super-hot, intelligent nymphomaniac soon enough
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This makes me laugh. I am not sure why people need to be in a relationship. The women in my office talk about it all the time. NY and Valentines Day are always funny

I like being single. I get bored quickly... now where are those tissues for me tears
 
BaDBoY_uK said:
I am not sure why people need to be in a relationship.
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I don't understand this either. Some people seem to need someone else to complete them, whereas I think it should about having someone to complement you.

Anyways I'm too busy playing Zelda these days. ;)
 
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so i posted in here a while ago about my relationship.........
welll that relationship is over now would have been 4 years in may, been over for a week, long story short she was sending messages to a lad in liverpool and we live in devon messages that she shouldnt have sent (need i say much more), i found out, made her promise not to ever speak to him again, and then i find out she was speaking to him again......
anyway, its been a week since we split, first few days i was fine, i was like "yeah its cool i can be happy" but over the past few days its been hitting me, i have a key to her flat, using xmas presents that were brought for "us", looking at all the various things that she brought me, remembering what ive brought her.
and now its really starting to hurt, even seeing a post on facebook by her is enough to make me feel like ive been punched type thing.

how do i make things easier?
 
Delete her from facebook for a start, or hide her posts if you don't want to create a 'drama' about deleting her (I know how some people can be when they get deleted).
 
Kenai said:
Delete her from facebook for a start, or hide her posts if you don't want to create a 'drama' about deleting her (I know how some people can be when they get deleted).
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even if i do either, ill still find myself wandering onto her facebook :/

im just waiting for the status like "on the train up to liverpool!" or something like that! :(
 
kegz665 said:
how do i make things easier?
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Delete her off Facebook, Twitter and anything else where you might see her. Even go so far as hiding the people from your News Feed that she may have regular contact with. Tell your friends not to tell you what she is posting, where she is going etc. (This really helped me)
 
kegz665 said:
so i posted in here a while ago about my relationship.........
welll that relationship is over now would have been 4 years in may, been over for a week, long story short she was sending messages to a lad in liverpool and we live in devon messages that she shouldnt have sent (need i say much more), i found out, made her promise not to ever speak to him again, and then i find out she was speaking to him again......
anyway, its been a week since we split, first few days i was fine, i was like "yeah its cool i can be happy" but over the past few days its been hitting me, i have a key to her flat, using xmas presents that were brought for "us", looking at all the various things that she brought me, remembering what ive brought her.
and now its really starting to hurt, even seeing a post on facebook by her is enough to make me feel like ive been punched type thing.

how do i make things easier?
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Cut all ties mate. Block her Facebook/Twitter and remove any friends as you'll end up seeing reminders. Keep yourself busy and spend all your time around friends/family. Start the gym, maybe get back into a sport you stopped playing. Drink yourself stupid. Anything to stop your mind wandering.

Time is the only healer.
 
Diesel said:
Delete her off Facebook, Twitter and anything else where you might see her. Even go so far as hiding the people from your News Feed that she may have regular contact with. Tell your friends not to tell you what she is posting, where she is going etc. (This really helped me)
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THIS
 
kegz665 said:
and now its really starting to hurt, even seeing a post on facebook by her is enough to make me feel like ive been punched type thing.

how do i make things easier?
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Temporarily disable your facebook account. Delete her number from your phone.

Make a list of random things that you've never done before and start doing them.

Go rock climbing, join a martial arts club, join the gym, join a snooker/pool club. Anything! Put your effort into feeling better rather than thinking about what ifs.

Life is too short, get some 'me' time and enjoy :cool:
 
hiding her from my news feed seems like a good option, ill still end up wandering onto there, least then i know if im going onto her facebook i know what i might end up seeing, its just when its on the newsfeed and jumps out at you.

unfortunatley i cant drive, i dont live near many places, and i dont earn enough money a month :/ (appretice wage)

sometimes i wanna put things on my facebook just in the hope that she feels the same :/
 
Start building something then.

Buy a few new computer games?

I think Settlers is free to play. One of my mates is addicted to it. Anything to pass the time for now.

She knows you're reading it so she'll no doubt be posting on purpose.
 
kegz665 said:
hiding her from my news feed seems like a good option, ill still end up wandering onto there, least then i know if im going onto her facebook i know what i might end up seeing, its just when its on the newsfeed and jumps out at you.

unfortunatley i cant drive, i dont live near many places, and i dont earn enough money a month :/ (appretice wage)

sometimes i wanna put things on my facebook just in the hope that she feels the same :/
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NONONONONO

Block her from Facebook, if you don't all you'll do is keep hurting yourself. Taking the moral high ground will work much more than trying to hurt her directly with mind games. It'll make you look pathetic in front of your/her friends.
 
sigma said:
Start building something then.

Buy a few new computer games?

I think Settlers is free to play. One of my mates is addicted to it. Anything to pass the time for now.

She knows you're reading it so she'll no doubt be posting on purpose.
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hmmmm i am tempted to take apart one of my MASSIVE star wars lego sets and rebuild it.

i love games, i have a few i just dont get into them a lot, im a big halo player
plus i cant afford new games :/

yeah i wont post things on fb like that, partly cause i have family on there aswell.

blocking her fb is definatley what im going to do, im just worried that in my head ill be like "ooooo i wonder what shes posting" and thinging of all these stories and stuff's

i dont do well with break ups, i hate being a lot, i can have all my friends around me and still feel cold inside
 
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