money in relationships

joelk2 said:
so im married with a little girl.

i work full time, i dont go out drinking, i dont smoke, i go to the gym to keep me healthy as i work in an office.

so after the bills have gone out. (joint account, phone , gym, petrol, savings, nursery) i have money left over.

all of our house type bills (mortgage, leccy, water, food etc) comes out of our joint account.

mostly the rest of my money ends up going on takeaways or bits and bobs from the shops (food)

my wife works full time pays off her side of the bills and she has money left over.

so my view on this is that she is free to do whatever she likes with her money and me with mine.

is this the same in yours?
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I'm not married, and I've only been with my girlfriend a little over a year, so my situation may be different. But in our relationship the money I earn is mine, and the money she earns is hers. We pay our half of the bills and we can do whatever we like with the rest. I do sometimes pay more, but that's because I like helping her.

I hope this never changes.
 
aln said:
Course it makes a difference. A man who decides to have kids with a woman then expects her to stay at home, raise them and have no money, is a ridiculous example of a man.
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I meant in terms of priorities and personal outlook rather than anything else :)
 
ScarySquirrel said:
I'm not married, and I've only been with my girlfriend a little over a year, so my situation may be different. But in our relationship the money I earn is mine, and the money she earns is hers. We pay our half of the bills and we can do whatever we like with the rest. I do sometimes pay more, but that's because I like helping her.

I hope this never changes.
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Seems sensible to me. As long as you're both contributing - and say you're both wanting to save for a deposit, you both put aside in the joint account whatever you need to cover, bills, expenses and savings.

The rest you do what you want with. Makes it simpler that way.
 
Gilly said:
I meant in terms of priorities and personal outlook rather than anything else :)
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I don't think it would for me but my outlook already extends to have different positions based on commitment level. I assume even without the kids, if your wife was to fall ill or become unemployed, you'd support her regardless?

But then my priorities already revolved around building myself a life, paying off the mortgage, saving for a rainy day. I don't spend much of my money on toys at all.
 
I my previous marriage the finances were split somewhat differently. Oh, how naive I was.
I work full time and got paid into our joint account. That paid for a bills (mortage, utilities, insurance, fuel etc).
I had a personal account which was only used as a 'safe' connection to Paypal and only used for that (with money being transferred from the joint into that account when needed to cover a spend).
She worked full time and got paid into her personal account. She paid for food and clothing.
Obviously, we could both see the joint account and there was no point in her seeing my account as it only covered Paypal stuff. I, of course, could not see her account.
We earnt roughly the same but we never seemed to have much available income. With a moderate house, one child (under 6) and a combined income of ~£90K that should have rung some alarm bells but it didn't.
The upshot is that, since my divorce, my mortgage (in terms of % of my income) has gone up markedly, all other bills are now mine alone and I support my GF and her daughter - in addition to my son 50% of the time - and yet I have loads more disposable income. I'd hate to know how much money that women took from me in the past. Ho hum!
 
Absolutely. I already have (severe issues with her joints has caused multiple knee dislocations).

She's not my wife until next month though.

The change in my priorities was more around the fact that instead of me talking to her about all the stuff I wanted to buy I just bought for the kids and so did she. I don't generally buy myself anything these days, past a PS3 and the various CoD games that is.
 
Every relationship is different. When my wife and I first lived together it was in my house and I was paying the mortgage. I didn't take any rent from her even though we were earning similar amounts. She paid the bills and washed all my undercrackers to keep things in balance.
 
Gilly said:
Absolutely. I already have (severe issues with her joints has caused multiple knee dislocations).

She's not my wife until next month though.

The change in my priorities was more around the fact that instead of me talking to her about all the stuff I wanted to buy I just bought for the kids and so did she. I don't generally buy myself anything these days, past a PS3 and the various CoD games that is.
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Yeah, I don't disagree.

I'd already edited in as much above though. I'm 28, still consider myself young-ish, but old enough that my priorities have already changed that I only tend to wait for steam sales and even then I go without. For me it doesn't matter whether I have a wife and kids or not, I'm working towards security and actually live on what most would consider an extremely low amount of money.

It's not like I totally go without though, most of the things I spent money on when I was 20 and living at home don't interest me as much anymore since I bought a house. I guess I already setup for a family, just unable to find the woman that I'd want to do that with as of yet. If not, then early retirement it is!

Oh and congrats dude!
 
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Freefaller said:
Seems sensible to me. As long as you're both contributing - and say you're both wanting to save for a deposit, you both put aside in the joint account whatever you need to cover, bills, expenses and savings.

The rest you do what you want with. Makes it simpler that way.
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Yeah definitely, if we were saving for something together it would be equal.
 
We just have the one joint account. Generally I don't buy little bits and bobs, when I want something it tends to be more expensive than anything my wife usually buys so it's not that often. She will have clothes, make up, shoes much more often but the values are always smaller. Anything we need to save for gets discussed whether its for me or for her. Really straight forward in my eyes, never really understood the whole separate account malarkey.
 
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There is no easy or correct answer to the question.

For quite a while my wife earned more than me and she covered more of the bills and we ended up with similar disposable income. Now I earn more than her and in all likelihood will widen the gap substantially in future. I will ensure that in our equal relationship we will have equal disposable income, regardless of who earns it.
 
Wink said:
Same here.

I really have no idea why people in long term committed relationships keep their money 'separate' from each others. Baffles me.
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What if for example, your main expenses are paid (mortgage, loans, debt) and you make enough money that you'd rather work 3 days a week instead of 5. Would you then feel OK with working part time and sharing your wifes full time income?

See me being against sharing isn't because I don't want to contribute more than my fake potential wife, it's about having the freedom to say **** you to a boss and walk out the door without having to feel like you've let down the family unit.

Sure the fake potential wife would probably be cool with me doing that in reality, but I think the man part of me just doesn't want to feel like a dependent whilst still maintaining the freedom to make personal choices. This may be some personal fault in my personality but it's there and it'd make me feel better if I had some of own money.

For the record I have worked a 4 day week before. My ex hated it and though I was lazy. I loved it and still earned way more than her. She'd probably be somewhat justified if she earned similar and we shared money, but she definitely wasn't being that I earned more and shared a much bigger portion.

Some people will probably come to the correct conclusion that my ex was nuts, but I'd probably not feel right in the latter situation even if she hadn't complained. I work to live though so if I don't see the need in going full time then I'm not going to do so.
 
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My fiancee and I have a similar setup to what you described. We like to have individual pots so that there is no opportunity to feel guilty about purchases. At the moment every penny we earn is going towards the wedding though so it becomes a moot point.
 
aln said:
What if for example, your main expenses are paid (mortgage, loans, debt) and you make enough money that you'd rather work 3 days a week instead of 5. Would you then feel OK with working part time and sharing your wifes full time income?

See me being against sharing isn't because I don't want to contribute more than my fake potential wife, it's about having the freedom to say **** you to a boss and walk out the door without having to feel like you've let down the family unit.

Sure fake potential wife would probably be cool with me doing that in reality, but I think the man part of me just doesn't want to feel like a dependent whilst still maintaining the freedom to make personal choices. This may be some personal fault in my personality but it's there and it'd make me feel better if I had some of own money.

For the record I have worked a 4 day week before. My ex hated it and though I was lazy. I loved it and still earned way more than her. She'd probably be somewhat justified if she earned similar and we shared money, but she definitely wasn't being that I earned more and shared a much bigger portion.

Some people will probably come to the correct conclusion that my ex was nuts, but I'd probably not feel right in the latter situation even if she hadn't complained. I work to live though so if I don't see the need in going full time then I'm not going to do so.
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She's a teacher, I'm an accountant so I get that to a degree with her holidays but there are some inequalities that you just have to accept. I do my best for her and my daughter and she does the same, that's all anyone can ask for really.
 
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