The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a home movie last night and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.
I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next **** could spell disaster.
My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault, I should have taken them off.
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.
Or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.
After both suffering from depression for a while, the wife and I were going to commit suicide yesterday.
But strangely enough, once she killed herself I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, "Screw it", soldier on.
The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her "Only you. All the others kept me awake screwing me all night !"
The missus packed my bags and as I walked out of the front door she screamed..."I wish you a slow and painful death you *******!"
"Oh" I replied, "so you want me to stay now!"
I've just fitted strobe lights in the bedroom, It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.
![[FnG]magnolia](/styles/overclockers/avatars/9.png){kind=avatar}
Did I miss the joke? 
