To be fair, I didn't technically poop myself. I just took emergency action to avoid crapping my pants, and got caught in the act by an innocent old couple.
Most embarassing thing you have ever done?
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To be fair, I didn't technically poop myself. I just took emergency action to avoid crapping my pants, and got caught in the act by an innocent old couple.
Soldato
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know how you feel , I suffer with colitis.
Soldato
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I got so drunk once I took a dump in my mates sink before crawling home. He had fallen asleep and woke up to a massive turd in his sink. I still to this day do not know why I did it.
I've also pooped myself whilst driving down the motorway after a particularly heavy night out as well. I managed to make it home but there was so much, it had come out over the top of my jeans and onto the car seat. I managed to waddle inside and made it into the shower cubicle to undress and wash. I suddenly had the urge that I need to go again and for some stupid reason, instead of staying in the shower cubicle (and therefore containing the mess), I ran out to the toilet, turned round but a millisecond before I sat down I pooped again. It sprayed out all the way up the wall, window and a even few drops got on the ceiling.
It took me 3 hours to clean it all up and another 2 weeks for the smell to go away.
I've also pooped myself whilst driving down the motorway after a particularly heavy night out as well. I managed to make it home but there was so much, it had come out over the top of my jeans and onto the car seat. I managed to waddle inside and made it into the shower cubicle to undress and wash. I suddenly had the urge that I need to go again and for some stupid reason, instead of staying in the shower cubicle (and therefore containing the mess), I ran out to the toilet, turned round but a millisecond before I sat down I pooped again. It sprayed out all the way up the wall, window and a even few drops got on the ceiling.
It took me 3 hours to clean it all up and another 2 weeks for the smell to go away.
The problem is when you fart with too much confidence.
I had the problem while at work, left my desk to go for a smoke got to the top of the stairs and let one rip. I suddently felt warmer and this 'warm' continued to travel south down my leg. Made a b line for the toilets and tried to clean myself up but there was no way I could return to my desk. I picked the least populated route to the car park and jumped in my car. The problem is that I was working on a service desk and all of your time is accounted for. So I had to phone my boss and explain I had a fart that 'went a bit wrong' and that I was going to drive home to get showered and change, to which he strained to keep a normal tone of voice.
I have no idea how that didnt get round the dept and my boss and I have never talked of it again.
I used to work in a five star hotel doing room service, I took breakfast upto one of the suites, knocked on the door then let myself in, it was pitch black, I fumbled around to open the inner door, found the door and went in.
After a couple of minutes fumbling around in the dark I saw a light come on, one of the occupants of the room opened the door to discover me in the large walk in wardrobe still holding the breakfast tray on my shoulder.
After a couple of minutes fumbling around in the dark I saw a light come on, one of the occupants of the room opened the door to discover me in the large walk in wardrobe still holding the breakfast tray on my shoulder.
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brilliant. haha!
Mine was drink related:
I was 15 think it was just my exams. So around lunch time / early afternoon me and 2 of my friends each had a 2 litre bottle of stonehouse cider and various other bottles on the go while enjoying the fine acting of Linda Lovelace in Deep Throat. Once all alcohol was drunk we decided to go for a walk, in the pouring rain. We ended up in a large field, fell all over the place covered in mud etc and then it gets really hazy.
Next thing I know I wake up lying on a sofa in an unknown room, some Disney program on tv and a 13 year old girl (at a guess) sitting on another sofa in the room. Feeling slightly cold down below I notice I have only a flannel covering my underwear (sporting briefs so didn't leave much to the imagination). My jeans are nowhere to be seen.
Turns out I walked off and knocked at the door of the bird I used to fancy. No one was in so I collapsed on the door step in the rain and passed out. Said girl returns with her Mum (who happens to be a nurse) bring me inside and remove my jeans to put them in the wash. They made me sick and left me on the sofa. My mates eventually guessed where I went and walked me round the front room in front of her sister a couple of times in just my pants.
I didn't know any of that though and had to try and piece it together while getting shouted at by her Dad who just turned up. To be fair they were really good about it and even cooked my dinner after ringing my parents and saying I was staying for food. To top it all off I threw up all over the Mum's car while she was driving me home. I still get reminded about it now nearly 20 years on!
I was 15 think it was just my exams. So around lunch time / early afternoon me and 2 of my friends each had a 2 litre bottle of stonehouse cider and various other bottles on the go while enjoying the fine acting of Linda Lovelace in Deep Throat. Once all alcohol was drunk we decided to go for a walk, in the pouring rain. We ended up in a large field, fell all over the place covered in mud etc and then it gets really hazy.
Next thing I know I wake up lying on a sofa in an unknown room, some Disney program on tv and a 13 year old girl (at a guess) sitting on another sofa in the room. Feeling slightly cold down below I notice I have only a flannel covering my underwear (sporting briefs so didn't leave much to the imagination). My jeans are nowhere to be seen.
Turns out I walked off and knocked at the door of the bird I used to fancy. No one was in so I collapsed on the door step in the rain and passed out. Said girl returns with her Mum (who happens to be a nurse) bring me inside and remove my jeans to put them in the wash. They made me sick and left me on the sofa. My mates eventually guessed where I went and walked me round the front room in front of her sister a couple of times in just my pants.
I didn't know any of that though and had to try and piece it together while getting shouted at by her Dad who just turned up. To be fair they were really good about it and even cooked my dinner after ringing my parents and saying I was staying for food. To top it all off I threw up all over the Mum's car while she was driving me home. I still get reminded about it now nearly 20 years on!
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Age 14, I was on holiday in Spain with the parents. Met a girl. One night we decided to go to a secluded part of the hotel gardens to talk. Didnt realise my parents were looking for me at the time to tell me they were going up to bed. Anyways, one thing led to another and my Dad eventually walked in on me and the girl dry humping. I looked up, from on top of her, saw it was him. He just casually said 'We're going up to the room', turned around and walked away.
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Was blinding drunk at the time, was when I was 17/18 I think. Was in a club when I heard a song I loved come on, of course I decided that walking over to the dance floor would take too long, so I ran over to it, little did I notice there was a wet patch of alcohol on a wooden floor, and once my foot hit the wet patch I soared magestically through the air like an eagle, ass over **** and landed with an almighty thud on the dance floor.
I think I just got up and started dancing to try and hide my shame.
I had to do this on the M1 once in heavy traffic. Got caught behind a bush by a traffic warden.
I think I just got up and started dancing to try and hide my shame.
I had to do this on the M1 once in heavy traffic. Got caught behind a bush by a traffic warden.
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I've obvisously never done anything worthy of this thread, but a friend of mine, on his first day working in office, went out and got drunk with a new work-mate. They went back to this new mates parents house where my mate decided to **** on, therefore destroying the living room TV whilst the parents were watching Coronation St.
He decided to what?
Soldato
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Heh I just remembered one.
I was at a pub with my best friend, had a little to drink and told him that I thought I had a strong neck and to strangle me. He obliged and I pretty much instantly passed out and whacked my head on a radiator. I woke up, confused and being dragged outside by bouncers, my mate and some other friends were all laughing. I brushed myself down, said I was fine and went back in, having forgotten why I passed out. My mate reminded me, still laughing... and I hoped the floor would open and swallow me up.
To make the episode worse, he included it in his best man's speech infront of about 100 family members.
Ugh.
Oh and another time, I was at a packed gig at the Brixton Academy, I won't name the band but they had just done a song dedicated to an ex-band member that had died of a drugs overdose. They finished the song and no one clapped and they started going off stage. For some reason or another I yelled "MORE" at the top of my voice, I think I thought they'd finished or something... and fully expected everyone else to start cheers, shouts etc. But no. Just silence. Felt like a right ****.
I was at a pub with my best friend, had a little to drink and told him that I thought I had a strong neck and to strangle me. He obliged and I pretty much instantly passed out and whacked my head on a radiator. I woke up, confused and being dragged outside by bouncers, my mate and some other friends were all laughing. I brushed myself down, said I was fine and went back in, having forgotten why I passed out. My mate reminded me, still laughing... and I hoped the floor would open and swallow me up.
To make the episode worse, he included it in his best man's speech infront of about 100 family members.
Ugh.
Oh and another time, I was at a packed gig at the Brixton Academy, I won't name the band but they had just done a song dedicated to an ex-band member that had died of a drugs overdose. They finished the song and no one clapped and they started going off stage. For some reason or another I yelled "MORE" at the top of my voice, I think I thought they'd finished or something... and fully expected everyone else to start cheers, shouts etc. But no. Just silence. Felt like a right ****.
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a big wee wee. He weed all over a TV whilst his new mate's mum and dad were sat in their living room watching it. Prime Time. Probably eating their tea. Too shocked to stop him. Would have been a big CRT thing too so he's lucky he didn't shock himself more than them. Lucky to live through it. Caused a BANG and lots of smoke. Or maybe steam.
He had no recollection of it either until the next morning when the mum made him a fry up and his new mate showed him the damage. He did wake up on the kitchen floor though, so he had some inkling he'd been upto no good.
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I was driving into Wales along an A road and I was about an hour away for a meeting. I was meeting our rep around the corner and I was the technical guy should any technical questions need answering.
About 15 minutes after passing the services I hit the mother of all traffic jams and it took me another 2 hours to get to the next junction. By this time I was just about ready to urinate all over my car and suit. At this point I was in agony and it was about that time to just let go and relieve myself. It felt like I was being stabbed I needed to go that much.
I manage to exit the A road and there is a traffic jam in every direction, I find a bottle and with nowhere to pull over I am about to start urinating into a bottle while driving. Luckily I found a side street, a nice little street with about 10 houses and a field but it was a dead end. I race down the street and jump out of my car.
I run onto these fields, waterlogged is a massive under statement. It was a bog! Already late for my meeting I didn't care and stood behind a bush and pleased I didn't have to pee in a bottle, the waterfall begins ....
Right then, a bloke came out of his house and shouted "What the hell are you doing?", I **** myself and fall backwards due to my feet being stuck in the mud. my shoes come off, i'm lying backwards in the mud, still peeing in the air all over myself, and now have mud and **** all over my shirt, trousers, shoes and feet.
The bloke is laughing so much, I finish jump up and drive back into this traffic jam. I was there for another 1 hour before I can get moving and then had a 3 hour drive home, covered in mud, **** and a ruined suit. I also had to drive home bare footed because my socks and shoes were covered in mud.
To make it worse I came home to my Aunty and Uncle (complete joker, thinks he's a comedian) visiting my parents. Still haven't lived it down.
About 15 minutes after passing the services I hit the mother of all traffic jams and it took me another 2 hours to get to the next junction. By this time I was just about ready to urinate all over my car and suit. At this point I was in agony and it was about that time to just let go and relieve myself. It felt like I was being stabbed I needed to go that much.
I manage to exit the A road and there is a traffic jam in every direction, I find a bottle and with nowhere to pull over I am about to start urinating into a bottle while driving. Luckily I found a side street, a nice little street with about 10 houses and a field but it was a dead end. I race down the street and jump out of my car.
I run onto these fields, waterlogged is a massive under statement. It was a bog! Already late for my meeting I didn't care and stood behind a bush and pleased I didn't have to pee in a bottle, the waterfall begins ....
Right then, a bloke came out of his house and shouted "What the hell are you doing?", I **** myself and fall backwards due to my feet being stuck in the mud. my shoes come off, i'm lying backwards in the mud, still peeing in the air all over myself, and now have mud and **** all over my shirt, trousers, shoes and feet.
The bloke is laughing so much, I finish jump up and drive back into this traffic jam. I was there for another 1 hour before I can get moving and then had a 3 hour drive home, covered in mud, **** and a ruined suit. I also had to drive home bare footed because my socks and shoes were covered in mud.
To make it worse I came home to my Aunty and Uncle (complete joker, thinks he's a comedian) visiting my parents. Still haven't lived it down.
Go on Alan what's yours?
Not got anything that quite compares.
Driving along while an almighty hailstorm erupted from the sky, mysting up my window. I leaned over frantily trying to clean the windscreen, which just doesn't work, only to have my face abruptly meet said windscreen. My driving skills are forever called into question because of the state of my car and the fact I had to explain that the truck I hit was parked.
Had a problem at where I had to pee constantly. I was waking up in the morning, desperate, going to bog, showering, going for another pee, going to work, taking a bathroom break, going to sit at my desk, 20 minutes later going back to the bathroom. Rince and repeat. So after basically spending days in the bathroom, this got so bad that I basically couldn't function, like I literally couldn't get any relief and had to actually explain to my boss why I couldn't work. Probably worse for the girl I was banging, being that we both worked in the same place, an office of about 10-15 folks, and evidently she'd given me chlamydia. I told her nobody knew and she bought it. She was a bit thick though. How can people not know? I lived in a bathroom for like a week and a half!
Another time, after work some folks were going out for a drink. One of the girls was going and she was a bit tarty so I decided to tag along. I've never been a big drinker, but you're out at a pub and people are buying rounds, so we drink away. I'm absolutely steaming and one of the guys invites us round to his flat so, here we go, this could be my chance. I'm trying to look cool or something, figuring out how to make my move and I get a case of the hipcups. Wait these aren't hipcups, it's like projectile vomit and I've made a mess of myself, this guys couch, and his carpet. So they put me in the backroom where I fall asleep. Wake up with my sister staring me in the face; they'd called my mom when I was 22 in my first proper job. -_-
When I was about 16-17, my brother needed someone to catch a tag along. She was alright, so we were in a park drinking and snogging. My brother had a flat and I'd managed to convince this girl to come along, you know, for some sexy time. Alright, great, decided to catch a bus. Sitting waiting, chatting, everythings thing. Bus comes. I spew up everywhere. Bus driver decides **** that and leaves us. Doubt I was getting any after that point anyways.
P.S. Pet peeve, but it's "Allan".
Recently went into my bank with thousands of 1p 5p 10p etc coins to put into the cash machine to convert into my account.
Accidentally dropped the huge glass jar at lunchtime in the bank, smashed and thousands of coins went everywhere.
Staff were great tho, must have had 10 people helping me pick them all up!
Accidentally dropped the huge glass jar at lunchtime in the bank, smashed and thousands of coins went everywhere.
Staff were great tho, must have had 10 people helping me pick them all up!
When I was about 13, I was going through a bag of stuff my elder brother was throwing away. To my delight I found some Mayfair mags. I squirreled them away for later. Next day I got home from school and nobody was home, so I went to my room and knocked one out to the centerfold girl (remember them?) I pinned her up on the wall because it was difficult to manage with the flaps (LOL?) I finish up and, of course, forget to remove the pic before I went down for my Munster Munch and He-Man....or whatever I did back then. I only remembered when my Mum came home and started vacuuming upstairs. I casually went up to see if I had managed to get lucky.....but no....she had done my room first I was on my way back downstairs and she shouted after me "I like your girlfriend!"
For a 13 year old boy, there is surely no greater embarrassment than your mum discovering your porn and then making a typical mum joke about it
I was on my way back downstairs and she shouted after me "I like your girlfriend!"For a 13 year old boy, there is surely no greater embarrassment than your mum discovering your porn and then making a typical mum joke about it