Moral Dilemma !

boxman2000 · 2 Oct 2013 at 11:53

Vanquish-Storm said:
Snake?

No, this Snake:

*Disclaimer* - you probably have to be 30+ to know this snake

Freefaller · 2 Oct 2013 at 12:30

If she was a close friend I would, but as these are just acquaintances, keep your nose out of it, and just sigh and get on with your life.

K-2 · 2 Oct 2013 at 12:35

Can't believe no one else has said this but I believe the truth is staring us all in the face.

The OP is in love with this "snake man" (perhaps more than a mere reference to his character?), hence the emotional stress of seeing him with other women.

If I'm wrong, then I apologise but I see no other explanation for your wish to intervene. Not to mention that ridiculous text message you sent the guy.

dirtychinchilla · 2 Oct 2013 at 12:38

Theophany said:
No she isn't and no he doesn't. :/

Why not?! Personally, I look out for my friends, and this certainly falls into that category!

K-2 · 2 Oct 2013 at 12:44

dirtychinchilla said:
Why not?! Personally, I look out for my friends, and this certainly falls into that category!

Exhibit A:

"I know a couple, i'm not mates with them but acquaintances."

CosmicClown · 2 Oct 2013 at 12:45

Moral dilemma my ass, OP wants to bang said woman, nuff said, hes flat out denied it and made up a story that hes getting married, I dont buy it.

Also if it is true, mind your own business.

MikeTheNative · 2 Oct 2013 at 12:49

Freefaller said:
If she was a close friend I would, but as these are just acquaintances, keep your nose out of it, and just sigh and get on with your life.

This ^^ But OP you didn't help yourself by calling him a cheating *** you should have just said that you are not getting involved.

dirtychinchilla · 2 Oct 2013 at 12:51

K-2 said:
Exhibit A:

"I know a couple, i'm not mates with them but acquaintances."

Hah fair enough, I'd forgotten about that bit. He does appear to care for her though.

CosmicClown · 2 Oct 2013 at 12:53

dirtychinchilla said:
He does appear to care for her though.

Yeah, 'cos he wants to munch her pasty.

antijoke · 2 Oct 2013 at 12:54

Combat squirrel said:
So, I have a moral pickle, it's nothing to do with me so im not sure.

[FnG]magnolia;25040452 said:
How long have you wanted to have sex with the woman for?

Combat squirrel said:
You have got to love the assumptions made on OCUK, happens every time

Answer: NEVER - I'm with the woman I want to marry Not any woman on Earth will do for me other than my gf I am happy to say, took many years to find her but I am super happy now

It's obvious to me you wish to smash her back doors in.

I also think you over stepped the mark with your message to him on Facebook. How do you know he wanted to intimidate you?

You let your feelings for the damsel in distress cloud your judgement.

I think your real moral dilemma goes something like this:

Combat squirrel said:
So, I have a moral pickle, it's nothing to do with me (but I hope it does eventually) so im not sure.

Snake man has a girlfriend who I have liked for some time, he is cheating on her, and I want to get him out the way, so I can have my way with her whilst she is feeling upset. I have a girlfriend who I love very much but this girl is on my list and I want to get it out of my system before I get married.

danza · 2 Oct 2013 at 12:56

If you are employed as a photographer (and by this I mean anything from professional press photography to being asked by the club owner to 'come down with yer camera and snap pics for fifty quid'), are you not legally obliged to blank out the faces of people who do not wish to be shown in your photos? Using the photos obtained through employment and using them as evidence could conceivably land you in trouble, no?

Surfer · 2 Oct 2013 at 13:15

Anonymous email with pics of the guilty party.

Justice doesnt care whether you know them or not.....a wrong is still committed....

K-2 · 2 Oct 2013 at 13:36

Surfer said:
Anonymous email with pics of the guilty party.

Justice doesnt care whether you know them or not.....a wrong is still committed....

Yes, but this particular wrong is of a very sensitive, private nature. As others have mentioned, not all of the facts are known - largely due to the fact the OP doesn't even know the couple particularly well.

Sometimes, intervening in instances such as this can do more harm than good - for all involved.

Combat squirrel · 2 Oct 2013 at 13:39

wordy said:
You know how everyone hates those people who have public slanging matches of facebook (I do and I'm not even on facebook)? Well that's exactly what your doing. Personally I would've either ignored him or told him not to contact you if you dislike him so much.

Just an FYI to everyone making this mistake, it was a private message, NOTHING appeared anywhere on anything publicly viewable

Also there seems to be another 'assumption' going around, yes I am employed to take photos in a club, so i have all photos stored from when I work there.

From the people actually giving out advice instead of having ago at me , I have told him I think he is a **** and said I will just leave him to get on with things, basically not getting involved but pointing out its wrong, obviously.

The reason 'I got involved' (but sort of didnt) was that he was looking for me and wanted to force me to delete any photos that may of had him in the background snogging some woman, (he has tried this before), but me acting on his wishes would mean it would have included me in keeping a secret, i dont want anything to do with it.

From speed reading over posts so far, another was I think 'I am legally obliged to ask or do what people want with photos'.........this is incorrect, the premises has clear information there is a photographer on site and it follows the general law of the UK, which is 'anyone can take a photograph of anyone in a public place and do not have to ask permission' the only laws that prohibit photography is relating to sensitive government or military buildings, or any private premises must have permission from the owner, which is clearly marked at the entrance to the club

, also with everyone being over 18, it basically means I can take photos of anyone in the club legally (although its common sense to ask if a group of friends would like a photo).......he was worried he was in the background, I honestly dont know as I have not sorted the shots yet, and im not going to stand there and go through 200 shots just for him ! lol

aardvark · 2 Oct 2013 at 13:42

absolutely none of your business, and your message was out of order as you know next to nothing about either of them.

K-2 · 2 Oct 2013 at 13:47

Combat squirrel said:
Just an FYI to everyone making this mistake, it was a private message, NOTHING appeared anywhere on anything publicly viewable

You are not the morality police. What gives you the right to pass judgement on others in this way and intervene in their private affairs? More importantly, why would you want to? There's more to this than you've let on. Why not admit it and we can try to work something out from there?

ping8781 · 2 Oct 2013 at 13:51

Post pics on club facebook page, Tag, done!

Combat squirrel · 2 Oct 2013 at 14:09

K-2 said:
You are not the morality police. What gives you the right to pass judgement on others in this way and intervene in their private affairs? More importantly, why would you want to? There's more to this than you've let on. Why not admit it and we can try to work something out from there?

I think the problem with OCUK is everyone thinks there is more to something than what is said, there is 40000% nothing more to this, no one reading anything to do with advice threads takes what is said at face value - im afraid there is nothing more to it than what is stated. I also have zero interest in her as many many many people ASSUME, I honestly don't, I cba to say this again as we are just wasting time! lol - Day to day it honestly has nothing to do with me personally other than what I am about to write now.........

The reason I have moral issues with it is:

1) Its wrong
2) He tried to get me to help cover up his lie, I do not want to be involved in it. This is perhaps the main reason I took such disgust to it and posted my woes on ocuk

, as I know I will see her / them as a couple at some point soon and I would have to lie to her face.
3) I am not friends with them, but acquaintances, they are friends of a good mutual friend of mine - a few times a year they are out with a large group I am also out with..............this would mean I would have to sit there and pretend all is fine
4) Following point 3 because we have a close mutual friend I know full well she is 'really into him' and 'loves him with all her heart', it's known that she adores him............this just makes me feel more uncomfortable and do an epic face palm because she's just getting walked over

Lastly, everyone is jumping to 'what's it got to do with you NOSY **** etc' .........well, as someone said above, what's happened to society these days where anyone has a right to do anything they want ? I feel thats a little ........cowardly.........

I also dont think 'I was rude' to him..........people who are saying this to me, how 'rude' is he being to his adoring gf ?........I think only 1 person replying has thought about her.......he said tell her, iv decided not to,........... I find the middle ground I had here is ok for me, I told him he is a **** and leave me alone, at least someone he knows now, knows his secret and is not best pleased with him - at the very least I Hope this has 'shook him up enough' to tuck it back in his pants and not be horrible to his mrs or at least do the honourable thing, grow a pair and dump her if he wants to go off with loads of women.

*awaits flaming - but I stand by what I said, I can't really find it in myself to change my views on what's right/wrong at the end of the day :/

antijoke · 2 Oct 2013 at 14:18

Combat squirrel said:
2) He tried to get me to help cover up his lie, I do not want to be involved in it.

Then why try to be the moral police?

You think telling her will make it all go away? It'll be a "You knew he was doing it" scenario.

I still think you secretly hold a candle for her, no matter what you say. Why else would you want to get involved. Doing the right thing, by who? Her? Ruining her life for someone she loves with all her heart?

Combat squirrel · 2 Oct 2013 at 14:26

anticonscience said:
Then why try to be the moral police?

You think telling her will make it all go away? It'll be a "You knew he was doing it" scenario.

I still think you secretly hold a candle for her, no matter what you say. Why else would you want to get involved. Doing the right thing, by who? Her? Ruining her life for someone she loves with all her heart?

1) Moral judgement because he wanted me to assist him in his lie.....I will not. I have said I will not to him because cheatings wrong. Had he not approached me and tried to get me to help him this thread wouldn't be here, I got more annoyed as this isn't the 1st time he asked me to delete pics, the 1st couple of times I just ignored and didnt put any pics online and walked away without saying anything, now I said something obviuosly.

2) I have already said I am not going to tell her, which may contradict point one, I am not going to go and try and cause hassle, im leaving them to it, however if she specifically came up to me and asked me, im not sure what id do, although that happening is unlikely.

3) Again I really don't, I have my woman who I am v v v happy with. Would I be ruining it if I hypothetically said something ? or would it be the right thing to do in the long run ? What if she married him and he continued to cheat ? There is a long list of things to say why its wrong, he is also endangering her health as well, STI's etc...........however I think that is for another moral debate, the 'general consequences' of cheating debate.