The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
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Associate
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Hey,
Hate posting on here, but I am feeling very isolated like I don't have anyone to talk to. - I have posted here before and managed to resolve problems in the past but things have really got worse.
Basically I cant put up with the lack of respect - My partner moved in 7 weeks ago, and recently whenever there is an issues, things get said infront of the kids. An example may be if I take the kids out and come home 20 mins earlier than planned (They were fed up with walking) I immedialtly get shunned right infront of her 6 and 10 year old. They then believe they can have their turn, and basically side up telling me.
Granted I am not a saint, and sometimes I do things to annoy her. Sometimes I will forget things when I go shopping or forget to put things away, plus we are in the process of moving house, there isn't a lot of money and were both very stressed.
She made a huge commitment moving in with me, so I feel bad over the stuff that happens, but I am not there to take abuse.
Hate posting on here, but I am feeling very isolated like I don't have anyone to talk to. - I have posted here before and managed to resolve problems in the past but things have really got worse.
Basically I cant put up with the lack of respect - My partner moved in 7 weeks ago, and recently whenever there is an issues, things get said infront of the kids. An example may be if I take the kids out and come home 20 mins earlier than planned (They were fed up with walking) I immedialtly get shunned right infront of her 6 and 10 year old. They then believe they can have their turn, and basically side up telling me.
Granted I am not a saint, and sometimes I do things to annoy her. Sometimes I will forget things when I go shopping or forget to put things away, plus we are in the process of moving house, there isn't a lot of money and were both very stressed.
She made a huge commitment moving in with me, so I feel bad over the stuff that happens, but I am not there to take abuse.
Sounds like emotional abuse/bullying to me.
Associate
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- 4 Feb 2006
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- nottingham
I know, I do still love her, but everytime she does this, it just chips away slowly and slowly. I know that buying a house with her will be a huge mistake if this continues. I am in such a deliema, Do I say enough is enough?
You don't have to put up with it, but you are choosing to. How about the next time she disrespects you, you stand up for yourself instead of standing back and taking all the **** from her? Unless there's something you've not told us - such as... you're relying on her financially etc and you don't want to **** her off because you'd be worse off without her? Are they your kids as well, or her kids from another relationship?
Soldato
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Easier said than done, but man-up. Get some self-respect and lead your pack.
And be a better man by taking the argument away from the kids eyes and ears.
Use classic lines like:-
"You've had your say, now it's my turn"
"We're going round in circles"
"You've got no respect for your own feelings let alone anyone else's, including mine!'
And be a better man by taking the argument away from the kids eyes and ears.
Use classic lines like:-
"You've had your say, now it's my turn"
"We're going round in circles"
"You've got no respect for your own feelings let alone anyone else's, including mine!'
Associate
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- 4 Mar 2010
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- Coventry
Ahh relationships Love them, yet hate them. I've written out this post twice to explain my situation but each time it just ends up being loooong. I just want your thoughts on this:
GF gets confused over her part time uni exams and her final year/sister leaving for uni/our future - marriage kids, what could we become/Grandparent being ill/parent being made redundant etc. And gets herself into a right mess. We speak and I give her a few options and she picks Option 1 which is stay together but spend a couple weeks just straightening our heads (even though I weren’t confused at that time) and then meet up and talk more, mainly because she told me she doesn’t want to break up with me and still loves me / wants me / is attracted to me etc.
We've text quite a bit since; I've given her space and got on with my own things but replied to her texts at some point. She's sent me a drunken text this Saturday about some place reminding her of me. We're going to meet up next week, but I am in two minds about it. I do still have feelings for her and miss her but I wonder if she feels the same. The signs point to a yes (the texts: the way she's doing them and what she's saying in them but nothing that distinctly says 'yes') she’s admitted to panicking the day we spoke about things, and has pushed for us to meet up a bit and I get no vibes from her that say 'no that’s it cya later' as I know what they look like
. However my instincts say if she wanted to be with me then we wouldn't be here, id of been by her side throughout her worries and not on the sideline doing my own thing.
Yesterday we told each other our view point over the last couple of weeks and well mine is option 1 like I said earlier, but she originally thought I'd broken up with her and it wasn't till a few days later that she started to think it was option 1. She also mentioned that her heads been a mess lately and it's been good things have been how they have or she would have taken it out on me, also shes just text me saying ‘Hopefully now we both know where things stand until we see each other next week etc. Enjoy your holiday x’
I've spoken to a friend about it and they've said that it's clear she still wants to be with me, but we we've both been sending the wrong vibes/feelings across and got each other a little confused in that area. Which I have to agree with, up until this weekend I was quite relaxed about it all. But I've found my self thinking of her non stop, and nit picking text messages where normally I wouldn;t
GF gets confused over her part time uni exams and her final year/sister leaving for uni/our future - marriage kids, what could we become/Grandparent being ill/parent being made redundant etc. And gets herself into a right mess. We speak and I give her a few options and she picks Option 1 which is stay together but spend a couple weeks just straightening our heads (even though I weren’t confused at that time) and then meet up and talk more, mainly because she told me she doesn’t want to break up with me and still loves me / wants me / is attracted to me etc.
We've text quite a bit since; I've given her space and got on with my own things but replied to her texts at some point. She's sent me a drunken text this Saturday about some place reminding her of me. We're going to meet up next week, but I am in two minds about it. I do still have feelings for her and miss her but I wonder if she feels the same. The signs point to a yes (the texts: the way she's doing them and what she's saying in them but nothing that distinctly says 'yes') she’s admitted to panicking the day we spoke about things, and has pushed for us to meet up a bit and I get no vibes from her that say 'no that’s it cya later' as I know what they look like
. However my instincts say if she wanted to be with me then we wouldn't be here, id of been by her side throughout her worries and not on the sideline doing my own thing. Yesterday we told each other our view point over the last couple of weeks and well mine is option 1 like I said earlier, but she originally thought I'd broken up with her and it wasn't till a few days later that she started to think it was option 1. She also mentioned that her heads been a mess lately and it's been good things have been how they have or she would have taken it out on me, also shes just text me saying ‘Hopefully now we both know where things stand until we see each other next week etc. Enjoy your holiday x’
I've spoken to a friend about it and they've said that it's clear she still wants to be with me, but we we've both been sending the wrong vibes/feelings across and got each other a little confused in that area. Which I have to agree with, up until this weekend I was quite relaxed about it all. But I've found my self thinking of her non stop, and nit picking text messages where normally I wouldn;t
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You've just admitted to drink-driving and cheating on your GF in one post, that takes balls
Soldato
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erm surely you was the one that made the big commitment letting her and her offspring move in with you? and now she has her feet under the table youre getting both barrels, don't seem right to me mate.
Soldato
- Joined
- 24 Apr 2011
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- 5,455
Ahh relationships Love them, yet hate them. I've written out this post twice to explain my situation but each time it just ends up being loooong. I just want your thoughts on this:
GF gets confused over her part time uni exams and her final year/sister leaving for uni/our future - marriage kids, what could we become/Grandparent being ill/parent being made redundant etc. And gets herself into a right mess. We speak and I give her a few options and she picks Option 1 which is stay together but spend a couple weeks just straightening our heads (even though I weren’t confused at that time) and then meet up and talk more, mainly because she told me she doesn’t want to break up with me and still loves me / wants me / is attracted to me etc.
We've text quite a bit since; I've given her space and got on with my own things but replied to her texts at some point. She's sent me a drunken text this Saturday about some place reminding her of me. We're going to meet up next week, but I am in two minds about it. I do still have feelings for her and miss her but I wonder if she feels the same. The signs point to a yes (the texts: the way she's doing them and what she's saying in them but nothing that distinctly says 'yes') she’s admitted to panicking the day we spoke about things, and has pushed for us to meet up a bit and I get no vibes from her that say 'no that’s it cya later' as I know what they look like
Yesterday we told each other our view point over the last couple of weeks and well mine is option 1 like I said earlier, but she originally thought I'd broken up with her and it wasn't till a few days later that she started to think it was option 1. She also mentioned that her heads been a mess lately and it's been good things have been how they have or she would have taken it out on me, also shes just text me saying ‘Hopefully now we both know where things stand until we see each other next week etc. Enjoy your holiday x’
I've spoken to a friend about it and they've said that it's clear she still wants to be with me, but we we've both been sending the wrong vibes/feelings across and got each other a little confused in that area. Which I have to agree with, up until this weekend I was quite relaxed about it all. But I've found my self thinking of her non stop, and nit picking text messages where normally I wouldn;t
Think about what you want, and what is best for you. She can think about herself (actually, girls normally think too much about them self!).
My generall rule is don't date crazy people. She's got a bit of crazy atm.
Associate
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That's what I have been doing over the last 5 weeks so far, just thinking about myself, work, training, family and friends. Getting plans together in my head. All fine till this weekend. Didn't realise I've missed her as much as I have.
She never used to be crazy, something clearly flicked the crazy switch and part of that could have been how we spoke when all this bubbled up from her. I can be very blunt and when I noticed she was messing my head around by one minute saying 'I want to be with you I see a future for us' then 2 minutes later 'I don't know what I want', I kinda just bit the nail and took control of things. She did say Wednesday that it's been a tough few weeks for us but she thinks her heads a lot straighter now. She's usually a nice girl, the kind of girl who'd never cheat / is quite honest and will stick to the man she's with, which is part of the reason I am confused (is she just being nice or is she actually showing interest as her texts usually always have smileys/ 3 kisses at the end)...
Think I am just going to go no contact till I am on my holiday and drop her a short text. Longest we've gone without one or the other texting since we went on this 'break' was 3 days and that was even when she went on her family holiday.
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Soldato
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When I say think about yourself I mean think about what you want, without her influencing you. Really, decide with brain and not heart.
From what you say, she might be worth another go, but don't tolerate any excessive abuse (etc.) from her.
Don't spend excessive time or money. You need to give the impression that you can provide value beyond what you are providing right now (and it isn't just financial but emotional and sexual), and you an't giving this booty away for free, yo. You need to associate and reinforce yourself with positive images for her.
You can either use sexual seduction (but that it is difficult as once you make a mistake it is a rapid spiral downwards), or you can gradually get them to like the romantic aspect, and she will become adapt to it.
Most importantly you should avoid negativity, this is vital - both to your own welfare and your future potential exploits, perhaps she might find you appealing later! If you are negative, it will only reinforce the perception that you are friendzoned, I would advise just saying that "it didn't work out" and look for the next fish. I think sometimes men almost force women into saying "You're really nice but sorry!", if she is walking down that road don't give her directions! You should give her directions to where the bait is, just like a fish she'll need to be hooked, just like the vast majority of women do to men.
I've had girl friends which have turned romantic, so being friends isn't always a dead end.
Good luck!
I think you should ask what it is worth, how it will benefit you in the future, and you definitely need to be selfish otherwise you will just be continously stressed out and this helps no one. Malteser is definitely right.
She might be so insecure she is playing you, as I can tell that from the mutually "tough" experience, and now *she* has recovered but this is speculation, of course. I think you need to just be straight with her, and tell her she really needs to work on her problems (and actually produce results) otherwise it is just not worth it for you. I have often found that after a cooling off period people usually respond well to something so direct and straight forward, and if she does not take it seriously then she obviously does not respect you as a human being!
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What I like to do when I have a contention with a partner is I say "I will work on my problem if you work on yours" or "if you try, I will try". I don't think anyone has ever said "No, I am not doing that" after we've calmed down from an argument.
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Yeah I know what you're saying.
I am very half assed when it comes to chasing women, then one will pop up on the scene and I'll try a little, go out for drinks, talk, yada yada, and nothing, usually always friendzoned, I honestly can't remember if a girl hasn't used the 'your really nice' line.
I've tried the whole not trying and let them do the legwork as it were and again, nothing happens.
Confidence is better now, been working at a local bike shop for a few months so I have things to do, money in my pocket and getting involved with local bike projects offers quite a few opportunities to meet new people but I don't know if anything is actually going to change, I've given up with said Girl, She did seem quite down to earth and sensible when I first met her, but after getting to know her a bit more, I don't think she's worth the effort...
I am very half assed when it comes to chasing women, then one will pop up on the scene and I'll try a little, go out for drinks, talk, yada yada, and nothing, usually always friendzoned, I honestly can't remember if a girl hasn't used the 'your really nice' line.
I've tried the whole not trying and let them do the legwork as it were and again, nothing happens.
Confidence is better now, been working at a local bike shop for a few months so I have things to do, money in my pocket and getting involved with local bike projects offers quite a few opportunities to meet new people but I don't know if anything is actually going to change, I've given up with said Girl, She did seem quite down to earth and sensible when I first met her, but after getting to know her a bit more, I don't think she's worth the effort...
Soldato
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Lol
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If your ex wants to contact you, she will. She's an adult, she's more than capable of telling her new friend to **** off and mind her own business if she wanted to. 8 years together is a long time and if she still loves you and have feelings for you then she'll come back soon enough. Give her some space and time, also give yourself some time to reflect on what went wrong.I need some advice
Me and my ex of eight years (she's 25 I'm 26) were going through a rouge patch because of communication break-down. We ended up falling out and she decided to break-up. The words in her break-up were not hers though because I know her well.
Now a new friend of hers is sticking her nose in and trying to dictate our relationship. She even sent me an e-mail threatening to call the Police if I contacted my ex again. I committed no crime, I wish my ex would have told me to stop contacting her and not this stranger. I was only trying to apologize and work things out with my ex.
She's telling us we were never in love and that we don't know what love is. She's completely poisoning it and prying us apart.
I'm really worried about my ex. Right now I can't do anything but try and get on with my life and hope my ex is okay because I know she's depressed from this.
Soldato
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- Hull, East Yorkshire
Lol
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