Well.. she left.

ashrobbo said:
she confessed to me a couple of weeks back that she is attracted to a guy at work, they are similar and work in the same offices. She maintains that she has no serious feelings for him and its just she finds him attractive, perfectly normal in my eyes to have these feelings for people (heck i do).

Shes terrible at lying so part of me believes this to be the case however I cant help thinking something has happened or she wants it to.
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Wow utter shocker.... I genuinely read first paragraph and thought yeah there is definitely someone else and then i read 2nd paragraph and though OH HEREEEE WE GO SURPRISE SURPRISE! it sounds like she has either cheated or not, but either way she now has feelins for this guy and wants to test the water while keeping you as the backup plan. So if it all goes to **** with him she'll come crawling back to her safety net.

You know how monkeys when swinging from tree to tree never let go of previous branch fully until they've got firm grip on new one? woman do the same. I've seen it happen probably 3-4 times amongst my friend group.

I'm sorry op I really am, my advice may seem pessimistic but take from it what you will but you need to move the **** on now and just consider it over and start hitting up other woman.

Edit: Also trust your gut op, if you feel it is amiss it probably is, you've already expressed your concerns and most likely you are right. But also be careful not to dellude yourself about things because deep down subconciously you'll want it to work out and ignore blatent red flags. Just be rational logic and try to divorce your emotion and you'll make the right decision.

Good luck.
 
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ashrobbo said:
She's moved back to her moms to get some space and says she needs to miss me again.... :eek:

she confessed to me a couple of weeks back that she is attracted to a guy at work, they are similar and work in the same offices. She maintains that she has no serious feelings for him and its just she finds him attractive, perfectly normal in my eyes to have these feelings for people (heck i do).
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This is one of the more cut-and-dried types of these threads that I've seen!

"Needs to miss me again"; jesus christ :D.
 
wow 9 years and ending it like that is harsh! its totally understandable you feel like sharing about this. My impression from whats written is that this is not an irreversible break-up so I hope your fiance changes her mind.
 
Participant said:
This is one of the more cut-and-dried types of these threads that I've seen!

"Needs to miss me again"; jesus christ :D.
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Hmm, it does seem that way. Moving back in with her parents and the associated telling them why indicates that it's pretty much a done deal for her I suspect.
 
Just to be clear; It was actually a joint decision for her to move out (i work at home most days) Again everything was amicable. Infact it was a joint decision to spend time apart.

Mainly because of her feelings for this other dude and because I could literally not invest any feelings/emotion into her because I didn't know what was around the corner.

Its such a shame, we spent christmas with her family who are lovely. Her and my family get on like a house on fire too so they are all a bit upset too.

Just signed up for a local gym to see if I can get a bit of confidence back and try and put things behind me.

Thanks Lord_Kokaine - I knew the general advice would be cut ties and move on, which is hard to even process at the moment. However im not going to put my emotions into someone who isnt sure.
 
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ashrobbo said:
Mainly because of her feelings for this other dude and because I could literally not invest any feelings/emotion into her because I didn't know what was around the corner.
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People are attracted to people other than their partner all the time, it is not something to get hung up on...if you really cannot invest emotion and feeling into someone you have had a 9 year relationship with then perhaps the issues lies within you and your attitudes toward her rather than hers toward you?

I think you two really need to sit down and talk to each other, leave all the baggage at home and talk openly and honestly about how you feel and what your expectations are..then take it from there.
 
Castiel said:
People are attracted to people other than their partner all the time, it is not something to get hung up on...if you really cannot invest emotion and feeling into someone you have had a 9 year relationship with then perhaps the issues lies within you and your attitudes toward her rather than hers toward you?

I think you two really need to sit down and talk to each other, leave all the baggage at home and talk openly and honestly about how you feel and what your expectations are..then take it from there.
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Totally agree, and i'm not in any way blaming her for everything. I know its a two way street.

Its merely the past couple of weeks I have held back my feelings, I have always told her everything, honestly and no BS.
 
johnny6 said:
Most relationships have there ups and downs don't take it personally.

Long term relationships can take there toll on both individuals involved. Stuff becomes routine, it all feels a bit dull and the excitement of learning brand new things about each other slowly goes, but then why wouldn't it you've been with the same person for a very long time. You know them and how they act, what they are like, what annoys you about them, what you find amazing about them and visa versa.

She is just looking at her life and probably is wondering if the grass is greener elsewhere. It may not amount to much to be honest and she may even want to get back together once she realises what she is actually giving up (for the unknown). Don't take it for gospal never to take her back. I always find this advice odd to be honest. If all she does is move out for a bit, giving her time to think and then she realises she was wrong. You would have to be the most cold hearted individual not to consider it.

People are idiots, she may have made a stupid decision thinking it was for the best. She could be wrong........ or not you might be an absolute scoundrel for all I know ;)
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Refreshing to see someone taking the other side of the argument on here for once. People get bored in relationships and maybe that's what has happened here. Normally you'd try and communicate these things and I guess that whole communications phase went horribly wrong first time round for the OP.

Castiel said:
People are attracted to people other than their partner all the time, it is not something to get hung up on...if you really cannot invest emotion and feeling into someone you have had a 9 year relationship with then perhaps the issues lies within you and your attitudes toward her rather than hers toward you?

I think you two really need to sit down and talk to each other, leave all the baggage at home and talk openly and honestly about how you feel and what your expectations are..then take it from there.
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Agreed, being attracted to other people is normal. I don't think he meant it quite like that Cas (I could be wrong) but I think it was more he was preparing for the worse ie getting ready to cut ties and didnt want to be facing her everyday with such uncertainty surrounding things as that'd be torture. Although admittedly what he's actually said doesn't quite portray that but seems an odd thing to say otherwise. Like Castiel says I think you two need a proper chat but go in there prepared and with a constructive attitude as oppose to a defensive one. She may say things you don't like and vice versa but hey you can't sort problems if you don't know what they are.

Also Mags just read that giant wall of text and I could have done with some of that a few months back, some fairly good nuggets of advice in there whilst being somewhat humerous too.
 
ashrobbo said:
Totally agree, and i'm not in any way blaming her for everything. I know its a two way street.

Its merely the past couple of weeks I have held back my feelings, I have always told her everything, honestly and no BS.
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If you truly love her then never hold back your feelings..never. Call her.
 
I'm not hung up on her fancying this other guy. I work in the service industry and hot women is pretty much a daily, it would be unnatural for her not to fancy somebody else. However i'd never cross the line and cheat and I hope she wouldn't either.

I'm purposely not changing my facebook relationship status until I know for sure because it'll either spark abuse or draw too many questions.
 
ohhh no not the facebook status...... DUDE C'MON!!!!! we're talking about trying to save your relationship of 9 odd years and you're thinking about this? Who gives a **** what your fb buddies might think........... priorities man!

Castiel said:
If you truly love her then never hold back your feelings..never. Call her.
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Do as Castiel says and arrange to see her to chat through it. If you can fix it all good if not well atleast you know rather than sitting here stewing over what other people might think if you change your status.
 
Statistically lots of people break up just before holidays or events, they are stressful times so people panic into decisions.
No advice offered, but I hope you feel better soon.
 
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