Well.. she left.

[Rofflay]

I think there are problems ahead for you mate. Some of the posters on here went about the advice all wrong but trusting her over some random internet dude sounds just as bad as well when you have red flags going off left right and center.

she confessed to me a couple of weeks back that she is attracted to a guy at work, they are similar and work in the same offices. She maintains that she has no serious feelings for him and its just she finds him attractive, perfectly normal in my eyes to have these feelings for people (heck i do)

You know how bad that sounds right? To go on a break and then get back togeather when that guy still works in her same office? Everyone knows what goes on at work. Who admits they find someone attractive in the middle of a breakup? And why? And will you ever stand up to her and demand the truth about the guy at work? Im starting to see what the problem here is actually and sadly it sounds like you need to stand up to her. Plenty of people lose women to jerks at work who make life seem flash to a woman settled in a TV watching relationship. They think as you said earlier the grass is greener and more exciting. And a hell of a lot of them like to have breaks top find this out and then if it all fails they go back to whoever is thier fallback guy.


Do not be a fallback guy ever..... I see this as a perfect chance to assert yourself to her.

 

[[TW]Fox]

because 9/10 it is correct. In relationships they hold all the cards, we just like to think that we get to play with the same deck but we don't.......

You seem quite bitter in your posts, perhaps this is reflected in the outcomes you find? If you have that much contempt for women then it's unlikely your opinion is going to be fair and balanced. 90% of them are like that? Yea, whatever.

They are people just like us, they are not some bizarre second species.

He's lost nothing if it turns out not to work 3 months down the line. 9 years is too long to just abandon as if it meant nothing. He's lost everything if he follows the internet-hard-guy 'YEA SCREW EM INNIT KICK EM TO THE CURB' mentality and it turns out that actually she was being completely honest.

Nobody here knows her so it's unfair to be quite so vitrolic in our judgement of her.

 

[dirtychinchilla]

I think it's fair to say that some people, if they feel attracted to someone else, don't think it's right to be in a relationship with someone (who isn't that person), and would perhaps end the relationship because of that.

 

[Rofflay]

You seem quite bitter in your posts, perhaps this is reflected in the outcomes you find? If you have that much contempt for women then it's unlikely your opinion is going to be fair and balanced. 90% of them are like that? Yea, whatever.

They are people just like us, they are not some bizarre second species.

He's lost nothing if it turns out not to work 3 months down the line. 9 years is too long to just abandon as if it meant nothing. He's lost everything if he follows the internet-hard-guy 'YEA SCREW EM INNIT KICK EM TO THE CURB' mentality and it turns out that actually she was being completely honest.

Nobody here knows her so it's unfair to be quite so vitrolic in our judgement of her.

How will the fella ever know the truth without taking his advice though? Do you expect him to swallow this mini drama and proceed to marriage without ever knowing if perhaps she was having sex with him to test the waters for leaving the relationship? I would be seething with rage to be honest as in a way she has all the power here as usual with women and relationship drama. She has a fancy suitor at work probably. She has a boyfriend who does not want her to leave. And she holds all the secrecy cards about weither or not she is even telling the truth. And there is the OP at the end of the line having to take all of this as face value. I think he should ask himself does he trust her that much to be crapped on like this. I wonder would she know how it feels to never know?


The moment i hear the words break and any sniff of another guy i would call it just down to the fact that you will never know and women lie all the time. A break is a time to reflect on the relationship, not bang some office worker incase he is a step up over your current partner. Women are no different than men in this regard.

 

[Castiel]

because 9/10 it is correct. In relationships they hold all the cards, we just like to think that we get to play with the same deck but we don't.......

Seems you've been hurt and that's biasing your opinion.

 

[[TW]Fox]

How will the fella ever know the truth without taking his advice though?

He'll never have 100% proof of exactly what the truth is whatever advice he takes.

Do you expect him to swallow this mini drama

Well... yes? If he'd been with her 3 months, probably not. But the best part of a decade? Of course. Relationships are not always plain sailing, there are ups and downs.

I would be seething with rage to be honest as in a way she has all the power here as usual with women and relationship drama. She has a fancy suitor at work probably.

'Probably'

You've just made the leap between her openly admitting she finds somebody at work attractive and the idea that they've had far more than that as a result. You might be right. You might not be. Lets just totally give up incase you are right, yea? That sounds like the best thing to do with somebody you've spent almost your entire adult life with.

The moment i hear the words break and any sniff of another guy i would call it just down to the fact that you will never know and women lie all the time.

Some do, some don't. Way to generalise an entire gender. Nice. Perhaps you pick the ones that do lie all the time but don't let that cloud your judgement of all the others. Maybe if you had a little more respect for women and a little less suspicon of female motives you might encounter the nice ones?

A break is a time to reflect on the relationship, not bang some office worker incase he is a step up over your current partner. Women are no different than men in this regard.

You've no idea if that happened. You can only guess, as can the OP.

 

[zenf]

Seems you've been hurt and that's biasing your opinion.

Possibly a coping mechanism... If all women are just evil liars, he doesn't have to feel bad about being forever alone.

Best of luck to the both of you ashrobbo.

 

[Nix]

The cynic in me says it's now doomed.

The idealist hopes it was just a blip.

The analogy of women in relationships being like monkeys climbing trees seems fairly apt here.

EDIT:

If we take a step back from the well sounded evolutionary strategy of our supposed fairer sex, and just look at the relationship here for what it is; we have two individuals who are still very young and have been together through some of the most profound physical and social changes of most people's lives. What 17 year old is the same as their 25 year old self? It's only normal that individuals would be getting itchy feet at this point, especially if we consider the possibility that the woman in question may be enjoying her quarter-life crisis.

There's only one logical play here and that's for the OP to give it another shot which he has. "I told you so," is the least of his worries if or when this relationship comes crashing down. Right now, the risk is worth the reward.

People say it's never the same after things like this, but that's because people build walls to protect themselves from the hurt. It's normal to be defensive now OP, but just be mindful of it.

 

[Woden]

because 9/10 it is correct. In relationships they hold all the cards, we just like to think that we get to play with the same deck but we don't.......

Have you considered therepy?

 

[Suarez7]

because 9/10 it is correct. In relationships they hold all the cards, we just like to think that we get to play with the same deck but we don't.......

You spend too much time on the misc.

 

[Maccapacca]

Replace them, don't chase them.

 

[ashrobbo]

You know how bad that sounds right? To go on a break and then get back togeather when that guy still works in her same office? Everyone knows what goes on at work. Who admits they find someone attractive in the middle of a breakup? And why?

Because shes honest, like I said shes a terrible Liar, I've admitted to finding certain women attractive openly to her, the difference between making something happen and having a thought are 2 totally different things.

Im not going to send in the forensics on her, i'm going to take her word for it, thats what anybody in a decent long term relationship would do.

because 9/10 it is correct. In relationships they hold all the cards, we just like to think that we get to play with the same deck but we don't.......

Total Bull, your clearly incredibly bitter about your mrs cheating on you, dont tarnish everybody with the same brush. All women aren't the same. She walked out for a day. It could have been weeks, months and if it was that period of time my decision would have been different. This was my decision, I could have ended it there and then and moved on. However I chose not to, I chose to trust her.

If anything I now hold the cards as it was her who initiated all of this, she knows what will happen if it happens again as I wont be around.

Some do, some don't. Way to generalise an entire gender. Nice. Perhaps you pick the ones that do lie all the time but don't let that cloud your judgement of all the others. Maybe if you had a little more respect for women and a little less suspicon of female motives you might encounter the nice ones?

Quoted for truth.

I'm sure you have never wondered if the grass was greener, heck you may of even acted on it or maybe you didnt and that's why your bitter wildman?

If it is doomed and it all does fall to pieces atleast I can say to myself I gave it a go, I won't ever have wondered what if.

 

[Neoni]

not if it involves pasty orientated activities with a 3rd party, then its not part of the deal. This all sounds rather convenient / suspicious by the OPs woman, there is that "guy at work" thing which is probably her getting tapped, and if that is the case then all bets are off and the deal is over..........

What a waste of time you are, seriously, just be quiet.

Again everyones a ****** expert at everybody else's relationships, you've put nothing constructive into this thread, especially when somebody's at a time of need, came here to ask for help, and all you've probably done is made him even more paranoid/paranoid. In future i suggest you don't post at all.

Not everyones girlfriends like to run about getting the **** on a daily a basis.

So go cry elsewhere, because its obvious this happened to you, and you're just butthurt.

 

[Muzy]

This is pretty hard to type out.

My fiancee of 9 years (as of the 23rd Dec) left me yesterday. She said she isn't sure what it is, but she feels differently about us. I've been aware of this for the past 8 weeks or so and she doesn't know why she feels that way. We left everything amicable, discussed for a couple of hours said our goodbyes and she left.

She's moved back to her moms to get some space and says she needs to miss me again....

she confessed to me a couple of weeks back that she is attracted to a guy at work, they are similar and work in the same offices. She maintains that she has no serious feelings for him and its just she finds him attractive, perfectly normal in my eyes to have these feelings for people (heck i do).

Shes terrible at lying so part of me believes this to be the case however I cant help thinking something has happened or she wants it to.

We moved into our house last December, joint mortgage so that's my first worry no idea what happens here. Joint bank account aswell. Second worry is if we do break up (which i'm assuming that we have) we have joint friends so nights out and such is going to be interesting.

That's new years up the swanny! we were meant to be going to our joint friends house party, not a chance i'm going now cant be doing with all the questions and other couples!

Not even sure why i'm posting this, i know other forum members have been through similar or worse (leon's thread takes me through all the emotions!!) so i'm sure a bit of advice is probably what i'm after.

Breaking up with the only girl i've ever been with since I was 17 (im 25 now) is going to prove tough. Although slightly hungover this morning as my best mate took me out on the town to forget about it.

what a ****ing women, you stay with him for 9 years then she leave for someone who is " she finds him attractive"??? I find this acceptable reason only for the mentally retarded.

 

[Nix]

So go cry elsewhere, because its obvious this happened to you, and you're just butthurt.

Luck of the draw mate. Could happen to any one of us.

 

[The__Malteser]

Why is this still an issue?

I was one of those who thought he should not get back with his gf.

Now that they are back together (weather you agree or not) you should just wish him good luck. Its his decision. I highly (and he would be stupid to) change his decision because someone on the internet told him too. I understand why they are back together, and although I don't 100% agree, I can see/understand it.

Good luck OP. Hopefully you have no problems and live happily ever after (or whatever you want )

 

[madtoady]

Good luck OP, all relationships have their ups and downs and most come out the other-side far stronger.

 

[Neoni]

what a ****ing women, you stay with him for 9 years then she leave for someone who is " she finds him attractive"??? I find this acceptable reason only for the mentally retarded.

LOL What! Did she leave for that guy, because i've not read anywhere that she did.. you assumed she did.

 

[Neoni]

Luck of the draw mate. Could happen to any one of us.

Agreed Nix, i've actually been cheated on after 4 years in a relationship BUT i don't be all negative at everything i read to do with a woman wanting to break up, wether she had interest in the other bloke or not.

As previously mentioned by myself - they still have eachother, they are moving forward, everybody should leave it as that, instead of posting negatives now.

Be happy for them.

 

[Castiel]

Luck of the draw mate. Could happen to any one of us.

It's happened to many of us at one point or another...but then we do to judge everyone the same or apply one experience as being indicative of them all.