Well.. she left.

Muzy said:
what a ****ing women, you stay with him for 9 years then she leave for someone who is " she finds him attractive"??? I find this acceptable reason only for the mentally retarded.
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She didnt leave him for somebody else (At least, that he knows of).

Nix said:
Luck of the draw mate. Could happen to any one of us.
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It could, but that doesn't suddenly make every woman evil nor does it make the macho-drivel about just kicking them aside and moving on as if it's totally not a big deal any more relevant.
 
Castiel said:
It's happened to many of us at one point or another...but then we do to judge everyone the same or apply one experience as being indicative of them all.
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I'm puzzled. It's almost as if all of you assume that his reactionary attitude (a perfectly normal self-defense mechanism) is permanently set in stone. God forbid someone's grieving their own loss.

It's obvious and I don't want to have to point this out, but the moral high-ground isn't going to sooth a battered ego. He has to come to that of his own accord. You don't know how steep the learning curve has been or will be.

Hate to play this card is it's so hackneyed, but since it's already been played on the OP's behalf I'm going to throw it back out there: you don't know this guy's circumstances, nor do I. If you've all correctly assumed that his reaction is that simply born of butthurt, then point him in the right direction by all means. You don't need to jump down his throat to do it though.
 
To be honest as much as the OP said this thread had helped him, it was quite clear from his posts I thought he would give her a second chance, if anything it takes a bigger man to take a woman back who may have potentially cheated on you and make the effort to get things back on track and then improve on it to make for a better relationship this time round.

I wish him all the luck in the world as he clearly loves her to bits.
 
First thing is to go to her work and lump the bloke that is funnelling his hog up her.

After that the world is your oyster.
 
Tough break kid but i would find it extremely difficult to take my missus back of 10 years if she had been playing away.. Hope it works out for you though!
 
[TW]Fox;25588587 said:
Why do people keep posting this? Where has the OP said she has been playing away?
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I'm unsure too fox, of where he has stated that she has been away with someone else, she just expressed that she was attracted to a guy at work..

Everybody's jumping on the OH SHE CHEATED, as far as he is aware that has not happened, nothing but attraction towards said guy.

Jeez. Read before you guys post.
 
[TW]Fox;25588587 said:
Why do people keep posting this? Where has the OP said she has been playing away?
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Give up Mr.F this thread is no longer relevant to the OP, its now about some mythical doomed relationship and how much of a bunch of low life scheming cows all women are!
 
Nix said:
I'm puzzled. It's almost as if all of you assume that his reactionary attitude (a perfectly normal self-defense mechanism) is permanently set in stone. God forbid someone's grieving their own loss.
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I haven't assumed anything other than he has at some point been in a situation that has hurt him, he may be still hurting, as I said I expect that is biasing his opinion. I did not say it was set in stone, or that he will always feel that way...they are assumptions you have made. I don't recall jumping down his throat as you so eloquently put it either....pointing out that he is possibly in a similar circumstance to that which many of us have also been in and that is negatively influencing his opinion is hardly cruising the moral high ground either not does it make every woman a misandrist either.
 
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I'd be more likely to take a partner of 10 years back after a breakup (with no evidence of any serious wrongdoing) than someone I'd been seeing for 5mins anyway, all else being equal.

As for the question of why this woman even mentioned the bloke at work, it is a bit baffling. Could potentially have been a 'cry for help' i.e. sensing something wasn't quite right in the relationship and trying to stir things up to provoke a reaction from the OP. I've heard of this sort of thing before where people in longer term relationships start to feel a bit taken for granted and want to try and evoke some passion from their partner (fighting to keep them), even if it seems slightly counter-intuitive to admit to a wandering eye.

Whether or not the writing is on the wall at that point is another debate of course, but I'd never criticise someone for trying to save a long term relationship especially over something which could be a relatively minor hiccup (seems to be relatively short-lived compared to how long they've been together).
 
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LOAM said:
I think what is more obvious is that some people havent read the thread.
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Tell me about it. It's like they see relationship thread and just decide to go with "leave her now!!!!! go smash pasty all will be right in this world" regardless of thread content. Plus in the real world it doesn't really work like that unless your relationship really was ****.

I often wonder about the sort of people who make up this forum (not in a negative way but what sorts of people inhabit this fine place). Obviously this is a tech forum on the whole and obviously means more of a certain type of people reside here thus massively influencing the sorts of responses to these and other types of threads (I think this forum does reasoned debate on a lot of subjects very well just not these). Also funnily enough our female members rarely comment on these threads either, wonder why that is? Perhaps it would provide some balance, although admittedly this one was quite balanced for once.

Also i wonder if predominantly female forums or groups have group attitudes to us men ie if they think we're all a bunch of sleazy liars for example and thus they have a default response of say "dump him go eat chocolate and then pull the hot new guy in the office" . I've always wondered how this forums general opinion on certain topics varies to other forums which represent a different social demographic. I wonder if anyone has thought to survey different social groups etc. using popular forums as the divider?

Sorry i'm just thinking to myself feel free to ignore.
 
[TW]Fox;25584330 said:
Why do people post this meaningless macho drivel in threads like this? You've no idea whether this is the case or not - it might be but equally it might not be. They've been together for 9 YEARS - thats a very long time to just throw away.

It seems the general opinion in threads like this is that all girls are scum and it's easy to just cast them aside and walk away. Yea, right.
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Agree with this. Especially having hosted my own thread like this recently.

80% of advice is "Shes having her pasty smashed elsewhere". Even when, thats often not the case.

But hey ho, that the life of GD as we know!


Also, I find it odd reading your posts Fox without car references :p
 
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