I think my girlfriend is suffering from depression, I need some advice
- Thread starter dirtychinchilla
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I'll tell you something that is so hilariously simple, you think it can't possibly work, but it does. Every night before she falls asleep, she should think of three things during the day that made her happy.
It sounds crazy, but it really helps to think about good things instead of bad things, no matter how simple they are, and to share that with others. It becomes something to look for instead of focussing on the depressing things.
You can even discuss it with her occasionally, ask her what made her happy today, but don't do it so often that it's like an interrogation. You can talk about it and share the good things that happened to each of you that day, or that you saw or read or whatever.
When people are stuck in depression, they only see bad things, and this increases the likelihood of a downwards spiral. Being aware of that mechanism and actively breaking it by deliberately looking for the things that make you happy can have a surprisingly positive effect.
Soldato
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not always that helpful. standard will be to just give her valium or some other AD that wont help at all in the long run. along with mood stabilisers and beta blockers etc.
my wife suffers from bad depression (her whole family suffers with it). drs gave her some pills, then told her she cant drive on those and notified the DVLA who took away her license until they assess her (which might take another year!). which is a massive issue when you live in a small village.
she keeps getting pushed to experts and back to drs and to be honest half the time their ineptitude just makes her worse (they keep losing documentation and messing about with her meds all the time). if her dr doesnt seem to want to help then i would swap drs ASAP. many just seem happy to hand out pills and not think about the future issues (valium are highly addictive and your tolerance goes up extremely quickly)
i would recommend getting her some counselling as well though, that seems far more effective and they can do home visits too. my wife gets a visit from a crisis team once a week or can call them 24/7 for a chat and to arrange a visit.
Unfortunately, people in this position are rarely able to "stop feeling sorry for themselves", any more than a person with a broken leg can "just pull themselves together and walk it off". It's not something they can control. It's all very well saying "don't feel sorry for yourself", but what if you do, and you can't feel any other way? It's an emotional and mental response that you can't control.
Even Stephen Fry should know better, as his attempted suicide last year shows. It's not just a question of willpower or stiff-upper-lip, it about the way that people see and understand the world around them when depressed (or in Fry's case, depressed/manic).
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i was just about to post that - stephen fry should know better and that life isn't that simple.
while i agree with some of the stuff you say how can people take forums advice on a medical matter over a doctor?
look at some of the postings in here
Soldato
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So being a business person and running a business isn't a "proper job" then? She may well flourish working for herself, but we don't know that.
My advice is: Don't keep asking her if she is OK and you can't force her to get help. If she realises she needs it then help her get it. Mental illness is a nightmare for the sufferer and those they love. Just give her all the support you can.
Soldato
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while i agree with some of the stuff you say how can people take forums advice on a medical matter over a doctor?
look at some of the postings in here
im not saying dont see a dr. just that you might need to see a few before you find one willing to go the extra mile.
It depends on the severity of the depression and other issues.
If you think she at ANY point is a THREAT to herself then you need to get doctors involved, parents hell even phone 999.
However if we are talking about being down and in a slump, being depressed and etc but nothing more than that, then I would advise against directly pushing her towards going to a doctors. But instead offer support, but don't be clingy and "what's wrong what's up" every two seconds. Get some literature on depression, advise her it may be good to read it, subtly suggest going to doctors or other professionals. Remember The way she gets better is going to the doctors, that is the ultimate goal but you need to be tactical, supportive and understand the mind of a depressed person isn't logical at all times.
However the old saying you can take a horse to water but can't make it drink it, really does ring true with mental illness. Depression is a funny thing and the individual who is suffering in a lot of cases will not appreciate being strong armed into seeking medical help, you could end up pushing her away if your too over the top.
Either way remember if at any point u feel she is in danger Do NOT hesitate to ring 999/etc.
Apart from that I wish u the best of luck, depression is **** and it can be a Long road to recovery.
If you think she at ANY point is a THREAT to herself then you need to get doctors involved, parents hell even phone 999.
However if we are talking about being down and in a slump, being depressed and etc but nothing more than that, then I would advise against directly pushing her towards going to a doctors. But instead offer support, but don't be clingy and "what's wrong what's up" every two seconds. Get some literature on depression, advise her it may be good to read it, subtly suggest going to doctors or other professionals. Remember The way she gets better is going to the doctors, that is the ultimate goal but you need to be tactical, supportive and understand the mind of a depressed person isn't logical at all times.
However the old saying you can take a horse to water but can't make it drink it, really does ring true with mental illness. Depression is a funny thing and the individual who is suffering in a lot of cases will not appreciate being strong armed into seeking medical help, you could end up pushing her away if your too over the top.
Either way remember if at any point u feel she is in danger Do NOT hesitate to ring 999/etc.
Apart from that I wish u the best of luck, depression is **** and it can be a Long road to recovery.
Associate
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I'm in a similar position. Although slightly advanced of your situation.
Good luck!
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Soldato
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serious question here...
how do people know they are depressed? im getting quite a few people lately asking me if im ok, if im depressed etc etc
the most noticeable one would be one of my managers asking if i wanted to see a professional to work through my "depression".
I dont feel as though im depressed though, dont get me wrong, im a little unhappy, and more so at work, because.... well... im at work. but other than that i feel fine really.
dont fancy doing much at the moment, but when i do do something i enjoy it, have fun etc etc....
how do people know they are depressed? im getting quite a few people lately asking me if im ok, if im depressed etc etc
the most noticeable one would be one of my managers asking if i wanted to see a professional to work through my "depression".
I dont feel as though im depressed though, dont get me wrong, im a little unhappy, and more so at work, because.... well... im at work. but other than that i feel fine really.
dont fancy doing much at the moment, but when i do do something i enjoy it, have fun etc etc....
Everyone is different I didn't even realise anything was wrong, it was only when friends mentioned I started to question it.
http://www.nhs.uk/Tools/Documents/Depression self assessment.htm
Same test doctors use hardly definitive but could put some things into perspective.
http://www.nhs.uk/Tools/Documents/Depression self assessment.htm
Same test doctors use hardly definitive but could put some things into perspective.
I'm really aware of that more than most people and it's not always possible to pull yourself out of it. I've had some extreme periods of what might be described as depression myself. But a positive mental attitude can work for many people. If it doesn't then certainly some assistance is needed but it is often a spiral downward and you may be able to stop the spiral from starting (not always).
Edit: I score 19 points on that test but it doesn't surprise me.
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I've just started a course of anti-depressants, I've always "put on a happy face" and got on with it, turns out that was a bad move on my part, it leaves you exhausted and I found it tended to make me reluctant to be around people as I'd have to cheer up so no one was aware, after a while felt like a dancing monkey, covering things up with jokes etc.
I have however tried just about everything other than seeking medical help as a last resort, from changing jobs, moving house, letting certain people out of my life, exercising, eating better and all the positive things they suggest, even tried a few of the negative ones, drinking with friends was, and still is one of my most successful defences against it, but even that recently had lost all interest for me (along with everything else I enjoyed)
All I can say is echoing what others have said - tell her you think she's in trouble, and you've noticed her decline, I had about 8 people over the course of last year say almost the exact same thing, kept shrugging it off, putting it down to circumstances etc, then when it was someone I hadn't seen for 3 years who noticed it just from farcebook posts, I figured it must be obvious enough.
I have however tried just about everything other than seeking medical help as a last resort, from changing jobs, moving house, letting certain people out of my life, exercising, eating better and all the positive things they suggest, even tried a few of the negative ones, drinking with friends was, and still is one of my most successful defences against it, but even that recently had lost all interest for me (along with everything else I enjoyed)
All I can say is echoing what others have said - tell her you think she's in trouble, and you've noticed her decline, I had about 8 people over the course of last year say almost the exact same thing, kept shrugging it off, putting it down to circumstances etc, then when it was someone I hadn't seen for 3 years who noticed it just from farcebook posts, I figured it must be obvious enough.
Soldato
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To be honest OP doctors can't really do **** all they will do is prescribe her anti depressants. Great add chemicals that **** with your brain into the mix.
It's a lifestyle thing probably she just isn't where she wants to be in life and not sure where she's going and probably extremely anxious about the future. I've been there and I stayed away from a doctor deliberately because I knew it was my life that was the problem and masking the effect instead of fixing the cause won't help her in the long term. Taking anti depressants is a terrible strategy unless you really have problems upstairs.
Maybe speaking to her about ideas she can try discussion about future etc and help her to make positive decisions will be best solution to the problem. Ultimately sorry to sound negative but there is not much you can do except become awesome for her to be around. She has to decide what she wants to do and go for it and root out whatever it is making her feel down.
Your mind is your own garden, you have to take care of it and root out the weeds. Nobody else can do it for you because nobody knows your garden better than you.
It's a lifestyle thing probably she just isn't where she wants to be in life and not sure where she's going and probably extremely anxious about the future. I've been there and I stayed away from a doctor deliberately because I knew it was my life that was the problem and masking the effect instead of fixing the cause won't help her in the long term. Taking anti depressants is a terrible strategy unless you really have problems upstairs.
Maybe speaking to her about ideas she can try discussion about future etc and help her to make positive decisions will be best solution to the problem. Ultimately sorry to sound negative but there is not much you can do except become awesome for her to be around. She has to decide what she wants to do and go for it and root out whatever it is making her feel down.
Your mind is your own garden, you have to take care of it and root out the weeds. Nobody else can do it for you because nobody knows your garden better than you.
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Soldato
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many people talk crapp about him (yes he is a bit eccentric and some of the stuff is a bit out there), but his new earth book was a very insightful read for me. Made me realise a lot of my own behaviours sucked and needed fixing.
I know plenty of people who have taken anti-depressants when they've had bad episodes of depression, and have told me they worked wonders.
Personally, I've had depression but would never take meds for it. I think we're far too quick to take medication for everything.
I am not a mental health expert, however, so this is not advice.
I still stand by docs if I'm honest. While I completely agree the majority are not worth medicating due to it being psychology. However if it is indeed a physical problem then the power of positive thinking will do little to address the issue.
At the end of the day aren't doctors the ones who are trained recognize such things? (maybe I'm just spoilt with my gp)
At the end of the day aren't doctors the ones who are trained recognize such things? (maybe I'm just spoilt with my gp)
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