Slapping Your Children

If that child is able to differentiate between right and wrong, able to differentiate between a smack which hurts and a smack which damages?

If they can tell the difference and still do it? Yep and that needs to be dealt with. What that method would be depends on how effective it was going to be at dealling with the imminent problem and stopping it reoccurring.

If they can't tell the difference but do it as a behaviour / frustration? Then no, they're a child who needs to be taught. Whether that's having a limit imposed or some other method. Depends on the child.
 
elmarko said:
Using violence as a method of control simply teaches a child that it's acceptable to use violence as a tool to get your own way.
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So would you say that any form of corrective discipline teaches a child that it's acceptable to use punitive measures to get their own way?
 
elmarko said:
Correct me if I'm wrong here, but the term violent simply has to fit the criteria of the standard definition.

"Using or involving physical force intended to hurt, damage, or kill someone or something." - " Behaviour involving physical force intended to hurt, damage, or kill someone or something:"

Assuming the child intention is to hurt then does it not fit the above definitions?, from what I recall the term admonishing isn't synonymous to any other terms which imply the physical - just psychological or verbal.
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But the point is that the child's intention is not to hurt - it is to admonish. Without intent, it is not violence. Admonishment isn't specifically about physical or psychological.
 
glen8 said:
No.

I've NEVER smacked our two, and they are very well behaved.
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This for me. My daughter's only 20 months but generally she behaves herself. Slapping her hasn't even crossed my mind. She's probably too young to properly wind me up, mind.
 
Gogl said:
So would you say that any form of corrective discipline teaches a child that it's acceptable to use punitive measures to get their own way?
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That's not really the point is it, in later life physical punitive measures are illegal & will land you in trouble with the law.

The relationships connecting the use of physical punishment & later life violence are already well established.

cheesyboy said:
But the point is that the child's intention is not to hurt - it is to admonish. Without intent, it is not violence. Admonishment isn't specifically about physical or psychological.
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That seems to be making a big assumption (on the intent of the child) & missing the point.

Physically admonishing (or violence pending on if we want to have a semantic debate) used against other adults in later life is still illegal & carriers social penalties - neither is in an acceptable method.

Based on your definition, is a man who beats his wife because she won't shut up (assuming his intention isn't to cause harm, but to make her stop talking) being violent or simply administering 'physical admonishment'?.
 
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When you say "slapping" do you mean across the face? I think what you actually mean is "smacking" like when they're naughty. I completely agree with it, it never did our generation any harm, but I do think there's a line between smacking and physical abuse
 
elmarko said:
my main concern is the average person being the insufferable moron they are is likely to consider the situation extreme when in reality it's the end result of more bad parenting.
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I think you'll find the average person (or rather parent) knows when using force gets too much.

Its only the extremes that people focus on.

I've often found those children brought up in the "new way" of parenting are just as bonkers as those children that get beaten twice a day and thrice on a Sunday.
 
I can see something in both sides of this argument.

I remember once seeing a discussion about it though, and one fella talked about his approach if his children were naughty. He would sit them down, talk about what they'd done wrong, and what they should have done instead. He would get them to agree on their wrong doing, and on the level of behaviour they should hold themselves to...

then he'd put them over his knee and smack them.

Whatever your stance, I hope we can all agree that's freaking crazy! "We've had an adult conversation, and reached an amicable solution. You have, very literally, learnt your lesson in a mature fashion. Now I'm going to hit you anyway."
 
Rilot said:
My order of discipline:

Tell not to do something
Explain why I don't want them to do something
Warn that if they continue to do it, there will be consequences
Threaten consequences that can be followed though on (take away TV time, slap on the legs etc. Using something you can't follow through with - such as not going to disneyland this year - is counter productive)
Follow through with consequences

I do use a light slap on the bottom or legs as a last resort. Not enough to leave a mark or actually hurt but enough to shock. I've only had to do this twice in 10 years though. Normally raising my voice is enough.
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Exactly this.

My two are now 20 and 18 respectively and I only had to resort to a slap once when the youngest was 8. She was acting out, ignoring myself and her mother, during a large family meal. I don't think for one moment she was expecting me to follow through with the family sitting around. A very light smack on her upper arm brought her back to reality along with zero sympathy from the assembled grand parents who also thought her behaviour was unacceptable.
 
In the con argument - when you see children whose reaction to a falling out with another child is to hit that other child: where do you think they're learning that from, and do you think it's acceptable behaviour?
 
Well if you are lucky enough to have a well-behaved child, then of course the idea of smacking would be completely alien. But not everyone has well behaved children, it's almost like they have their own personalities and development and stuff. Some children are naturally aggressive, some are naturally passive, we do not all start with the exact same clean slate and are only formed based on the nuture we receive, everyone has inherent aspects, and how those are managed/used/exploited/contained/etc determines how we function as people.
 
elmarko said:
That's not really the point is it, in later life physical punitive measures are illegal & will land you in trouble with the law.

The relationships connecting the use of physical punishment & later life violence are already well established.
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Isn't that a correlation/causation thing though, like how more vegetarians are healthy not because they are vegetarian, but because peope who choose to be vegetarian tend to be more involved with their diet and general health?

Plenty of people who were physically punished in the 'acceptable' means went on to grow up as normal, non-violent people (I'm one fo them). The link between it and people growing up to be violent adults is ignoring that they probably grew up in generally bad environments beyond just physical abuse.
 
If you are smacking a child to discipline them you must be doing something wrong.I remember when growing(African fam) up my mom would only give me a look and it would to put the fear of god into me and I would stop whatever I was doing.
 
bazzabear said:
In the con argument - when you see children whose reaction to a falling out with another child is to hit that other child: where do you think they're learning that from, and do you think it's acceptable behaviour?
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Of course it isn't. But that's the whole point of being a child and learning. Hopefully one would sit the child down and explain why their actions were wrong. But depednding on their age they might not fully understand.

One could argue that children of an age we are talking about do not understand what is morally right or wrong. This lack of understanding and pure innocence needs boundries made for them, and in a black and white form of understanding. They do wrong, they get shouted at or smacked. Do something good get rewarded. Anyone understands that.
 
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